venus

a girl that interested me on the train. an attempt to combat writer's block.

pale and close to a miracle 

her inhales consist of silk and she can't help

that her body looks like a question mark.

feeling at home in the florescence 

as the train nears morton grove

she drifts to the sliding doors, blending in

with the metal as pieces of her flesh wick away

against the rubber chair 

like pearls falling from an evening dress.

she is transparent.

reality seeps into her windows

like a plum ink blot the shape of chicago

exposing the stained glass words engraved in her skin.

she would speak, but she only knows

varying degrees of poetry. 

through my aperture

she is venus exposed

and i am too opaque. 

Reviews

[DCT ponderings]

Well you have quite a way of fighting writer's block. Love this. It made me wonder how I might appear to an outside observer. There were so many parts of this that were fabulous. Her body a questions mark, her flash wicking away like pearls on a gown, reality seeping into her transparency. Seriously well written and the end my fav.

through my aperture
she is venus exposed
and i am too opaque.

[Dana Alsamsam]

thank you so much! i've always wondered myself how i'd be described by another writer...

[jacob erin-cilberto]

magnificent description...i rode the train often to and from chicago..always did a lot of people watching, wondering what their thoughts might be...and wondering often what their thoughts of me might be...

how do we see each other? it is interesting..

often much differently than we see ourselves.

i like the idea of transparency...almost as if she is transparent and you are the only one who really sees her...that is the blending in that happens in the city...

jacob

[Dana Alsamsam]

i agree and love your interpretation. when i was watching her i just felt so solid and as i say in the piece, opaque. if a camera was able to catch her in this moment i swear she was the most beautiful ghost (girl) in the world.

[annabellee]

"her inhales consist of silk and she can't help
that her body looks like a question mark."
I loved these lines, fantastic write.
Well penned :)

[Dana Alsamsam]

thank you very much for reading!

[annabellee]

you're most welcome :)

[K. Louis]

you combat writers block gracefully...people watching is a favorite pastime...good descriptions
and love the last three lines. well done.

[Dana Alsamsam]

thank you so much for reading and for your kind words :)