Employee #5430

my dad owns a company and i went to work with him yesterday morning... my observations and slight disgust resulted in this.

tick tock. 

white noise. 

flourescents highlight

a raw menagerie

of linoleum

echoes back empty

ad nauseum 

ad infinitum

white noise. 

black coffee. 

stuffy and broken

pinstriped ties

wrap nooses around necks

courage never

strong enough 

to just

pull. 

collected in cubicle

boxes. they're all the same

boxes. 

twisting

turning

waiting to expire

maybe finding you 

when you're decayed

and reeking

of calendar counting

broken dreams 

and plastic. 

thick rimmed glasses

magnify

amplify

keystrokes 

on keyboards

letters and words

but they're all 

just meaningless

markings

coming and going

down empty white hallways

and mahogany desks

like crystalline 

diamond dust

returning back 

to spark a match

against the ticking 

clocks. 

ticking

(always ticking) why

are we wasting our time

writing dreams

and burning them down

all that's left is

white noise. 

coffee makers

percolating shards of glass

drinking them down

bleeding onto white

linoleum. you're living

the corporate dream. 

blank stare. 

white noise. 

tick tock. 

Author's Note

i read this at an open mic and got lots of snaps so it could be considered spoken word because the words sort of swirl together and speed up. with that said, i still tried to use line breaks in effective ways.

Reviews

[Clockwork]

So I read this out to see what it would sound like when spoken. Some spoken word pieces I have seen here don't really work in that format. They don't have the rhythm or the attitude to pull it off...you do though, in what I think is a big way. I don't see too many breaks in the flow. In fact, I especially like the places you abbreviate your lines. Spots like: "ad nauseum/ad infinitum/white noise./black coffee." Those lines really give us the abbreviated and short sited feel of that corporate office.

Also, the lines about those ties as nooses...those are probably my favorite in this piece, especially when you add how you broke up the lines until you got to the word "pull." For me, that was the icing on the cake.

And the corporate mantra:

blank stare.
white noise.
tick tock.

That was really accurate of a work place. I also liked the repetition of white noise. Well done :-)

[Dana Alsamsam]

it's an honor to know my words filled up a room somewhere else far away from here in a different voice. thank you for taking the time to do that and see how it sounded!

i really like line breaks if you couldn't already tell haha :) thank you so much for your in depth and incredibly kind review!

[Clockwork]

You're always welcome, Dana. This was really captivating :-)

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Yes, I can see this as spoken word. Very "beat poet" like feel to the form and the flow. I always read poetry aloud before reviewing, so I found myself getting into a groove with this one about half way through the first stanza. Great imagery and observational poetry. Still, you present a deeper metaphor that I am sure resonates with the majority of "working people" across the globe. Tedious, frozen, stifling, suffocating...just a few words that came to mind.

[Dana Alsamsam]

thank you- i'm glad you really got this! i hope to read it aloud someday :)

[Chris]

Dana, sitting across a table and sharing thoughts and perceptions of life in today's world would be a timeless pleasure. Some things never change from generation to generation and yet some things ARE changed within each generation's perceptions.

[Dana Alsamsam]

and i am always open to new ideas from people of all ages and demographics! they're incredibly interesting. even though this particular piece of poetry may seem slightly closed minded it was merely a moment of inspiration. thank you for reading!

[Chris]

didn't see anything closed minded about it. Many different levels of perceptions shade the understandings.

[Dana Alsamsam]

i'm glad! thank you :)

[kublakhan27]

Writing dreams and burning them down...I think that speaks as much to the plight of a poet as the vividly unsavoury picture you've painted...I've worked in such environments and, well, let's just say it got to my head, deeply...you've offered up a well-crafted piece here that is conducive to both reading and reciting, which is not an easy balance to obtain, at least not for me haha I'd say this is one of your best :)

[Dana Alsamsam]

thank you so much! i totally don't mean this piece to bash on business people at all and i'm glad you understood it :)

[kublakhan27]

Always a pleasure :)

[Astro]

It makes me think of the distaste for office work seen in films like 'Wanted' and 'Office Space'. The blase self-induced career choices people make definitely "reeking"(not "reaking") and disconcerting to the outside observer. I think you illustrate this beautifully. I am sadly, familiar with the cubical conformity that is office work and can attest that the only true focus lies in the ticking of the clock until you're free from wanting to shoot yourself day after day in a mindless numb state of employment. Cheers Dana.

[Dana Alsamsam]

oh thank you i'll fix that mistake! thanks for your kind words!

[Astro]

You're welcome, keep up the great observational poetry.

[KAOlmsted]

So...if not them then who? Your "slight disgust" makes me look at you like...your spoiled little rant about your father's employees makes me want to rally for them, child, not you...You...make me believe you have never lifted a precious finger in your entire life. Thanks for the friend request, but I am going to respectfully decline. Go back to posing in the forest. You're lovely there. Anywhere else? No...you're ugly.

-kimmer

[annabellee]

I loved it, you described your observations so well and transfered them into such a beautiful piece.
Well penned :)

[Archangel Gabriel]

Another wonderful offering in a different dress. This reflected your feelings is disgust and distaste for what you saw accurately.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

it has a great beat, Dana...i was snapping my fingers to it.

but to the steady hum-drum beat of 9=5 corporate boredom...i would go crazy in this kind of job..inside a cubicle all day, just churning out the same thing over and over.

this poem is really an insightful ,well-written look at the corporate tediousness.

[Rita L. Sev]

I can certainly see how this piece works read aloud. The brief lines allow for pauses that let the monotony being described really sink in. You have perfectly described corporate offices, and the chained souls who inhabit them.

[Dana Alsamsam]

thank you so much! hopefully i have an opportunity to read it aloud again :)