third wish

on independence day we saw fireworks on the freeway.

when I was twelve I promised myself

that I would never write of fireworks-

why do we love something that begins in mosaic light,

and ends in smoky darkness? why attach ourselves

to the beauty of something so evanescent? 

I stuck my head out the window and let the sharp breeze

blow amber and amaranth through my hair. 

you looked at me with suddenly renegade eyes

like i was your third wish, your red balloon, 

the last song on your mix tape, your ticket

to an abandon you'd never desired

to a happiness you were too afraid to experience. 

we had no idea what city we were in, but we promised

to come back to that old fashioned hot dog joint. 

driving to nowhere with you 

i realized we could probably go anywhere

together and still see fireworks on the freeway

hidden in each others eyes. 

what twelve year old me didn't know

is that in the smoke there is beauty, the product

of a broken light. I will drink your smoke

into my lungs long after the explosions cease

and still feel the magic of a lit up sky. 

"should we turn around?"

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

no need to turn around...just go forward with this person...i love this..

that feeling of "whatever we are doing, it is fireworks, 4th of july and love"

i feel that with my girlfriend..even if we are taking care of my folks, running errands, doing mundane things rather than exciting stuff...it's us together, and it feels like an explosion of love.

"i will drink your smoke" what a line!

i can attach to your poems...you have a theme, a thread that you always carry through your poems so well..you don't have a lot of loose ends...

[Dana Alsamsam]

thank you so much! even as i ask if we should turn around i think i wanted to keep going. i'd sit in the passenger seat for a week and probably be happy. it means a lot to me that you're able to gather something so strong from my poetry. i wish you and your girlfriend all the best :)

[K. Louis]

There were some really stand out images in this piece. I enjoyed the rambling
in the second stanza--third wish, red balloon, last song etc..
the feeling of getting carried away in all the fireworks..

"I will drink your smoke into my lungs long after the explosions
cease and still feel the magic of a lit up sky." -- This line was
my favorite...in fact, I think it ends best on that note.

well done!

[Dana Alsamsam]

thank you so much for reading and for your kind review!

[annabellee]

"I will drink your smoke
into my lungs long after the explosions cease
and still feel the magic of a lit up sky."
Such gorgeous lines.
I absolutley loved the imagery in your poem, such a splendid read and write.
Well penned :)

[Dana Alsamsam]

thank you so much for reading and for your kind words!

[annabellee]

you're most welcome :)

[Archangel Gabriel]

Jacob says so much I too would reflect. This is such a deeply romantic tale that conveys such depth of feelings in another totally sublime poem.

[Dana Alsamsam]

thank you so much! your kind words are always appreciated

[Anna]

I enjoyed this. my favorite line is "that in the smoke there is beauty, the product of a broken light". I feel like since the ending created a strong metaphorical sense, you could try strengthening that throughout the poem, possibly seperating into even more seperate paragraphs as the subject transitions?
the seperations possibly after line 3, then 6, then 8, 10, 12, 14, 17, and finally the last line.

[Dana Alsamsam]

thank you very much! i will take your thoughts into consideration although i was going for a more rambling feel here so i may not make all of those separations as to me it would feel rather disjointed. thanks for stopping by and giving me a read- always appreciated!

[Anna]

No problem, good luck on your writing :)