Lachrymosa

“I look at you and see all the ways a soul can bruise" --Shinji Moon

The trees on your street

Waver and grow in your direction. 

The freight trains in the oil paintings

Leave their canvases and escape

The museum to make a stop

At your house. 

You sit in the bath tub, 

Veneer crushing against your flesh, 

And think about how closely you hug

The shimmering borderline 

Between life and death. 

Your eyes change colors again. 

Reviews

[Clockwork]

The opening reminds me of a few poems by one of my favorite poets--the one I told you about the other night. I will send them to you a bit later if you like. That first stanza has an earnest beauty to it, a dark tenderness. So much is coming to life from what so many artists have labored to create. I think that is really the ultimate thing for all artist--and to be coming to the house of that one person, that is truly a special thing.

I like the image of the bathtub and the meditation on hugging that shimmering borderline. Also, the ending of this is awesome. It has this sort of mournful shift, but I see possibility and contemplation in those eyes. Overall, this piece flows so well and has such a rich tone. I love it, Dana.

[Dana Alsamsam]

i'd love to give them a read- definitely send some my way!

thank you so much for your kind words. really he's so intensely magnetic, and he doesn't realize this attracting effect that he has on everything around him. his pain is amplified to me because he can't see what everyone else sees in him. the world changes in his eyes. thanks again for your always insightful reviews!

[sparkle]

a very nice writing dana , very nicely written , love it :)

[Pete Langley]

Whoever you are talking to must be extraordinary for you too produce such varied and powerful attractions toward him (if it is a him!) I imagine him to be an artist, or at least a creator of some kind. This is outstanding, Dana. P.

[Dana Alsamsam]

your insight is rather accurate...he's a poet in his own right- an amazing one. and yes, he's incredibly magnetic. thank you so much for your kind words!

[Pete Langley]

I`d warn you off poets but I know you`d take no notice!

[Dana Alsamsam]

I've warned myself off poets but taken no notice to my own sentiment...

[Denham Cole]

Very good effort. One can see that the writer has tried to employ substantial poetic fibre here, and acheives a very respectable result. In just a few short stanzas, there is crammed a boulevarde of trees, a metaphysical mount of trains, a house, the enormity of life and death,..all in a bath tub!
Its enough to almost make one feel a crush of character introspect...
This is not a bad poem.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

this is a fascinating write...the first stanza showing what this person means, and how important she is...the trees bend towards her, the freight trains leave their paintings..

but in the second stanza, the "veneer crushing against your flesh" is like her thoughts crushing her...she doesn't feel her self-worth, more like she is on the borderline whether to live or not..
maybe contemplating suicide...and the eyes change color again..with her thoughts..from brown, to blue to gray...from contentment, to sadness to apathy...

i am so taken by this poem, as well as your other work i have read.

such smoothness in delivery and such a natural at a turn of phrase.

i do feel a bit of Plath...she and Sexton were the subjects of my masters thesis...love both of them.

and e.e....used to try to emulate him...bad attempts of course.

jacob

jacob

[Dana Alsamsam]

to even be mentioned in the same breath as my two favorite poets (plath and cummings) is an absolute honor. the subject of this poem is so magnetic, but unfortunately they don't realize it. the weight of the world changes in their eyes- thank you so much for reading and tapping into my words in the way that you have! i always appreciate your kind words.