Lachrymosa

“I look at you and see all the ways a soul can bruise" --Shinji Moon

The trees on your street

Waver and grow in your direction. 

The freight trains in the oil paintings

Leave their canvases and escape

The museum to make a stop

At your house. 

You sit in the bath tub, 

Veneer crushing against your flesh, 

And think about how closely you hug

The shimmering borderline 

Between life and death. 

Your eyes change colors again. 

Reviews

[Clockwork]

The opening reminds me of a few poems by one of my favorite poets--the one I told you about the other night. I will send them to you a bit later if you like. That first stanza has an earnest beauty to it, a dark tenderness. So much is coming to life from what so many artists have labored to create. I think that is really the ultimate thing for all artist--and to be coming to the house of that one person, that is truly a special thing.

I like the image of the bathtub and the meditation on hugging that shimmering borderline. Also, the ending of this is awesome. It has this sort of mournful shift, but I see possibility and contemplation in those eyes. Overall, this piece flows so well and has such a rich tone. I love it, Dana.

[Dana Alsamsam]

i'd love to give them a read- definitely send some my way!

thank you so much for your kind words. really he's so intensely magnetic, and he doesn't realize this attracting effect that he has on everything around him. his pain is amplified to me because he can't see what everyone else sees in him. the world changes in his eyes. thanks again for your always insightful reviews!

[Brenden Taylor]

Oh, man, this is chillingly good. Honestly, the first stanza - upon first reading - was kinda bland to me. It wasn't until I finished the first reading and then reread it that what I'm assuming to be your intended impression really hit me. I usually don't invest the time to reread a lot of anything, but the stark brevity of this poem - as well its powerful imagery - really made me want to go back to it.

Overall, powerful the second time around.

[Dana Alsamsam]

thank you so much for taking the time to read it more than once! i'm glad it stuck with you and again thanks for your kind words.

[wunder]

~you allow so much to be imagined in the first verse (it's a beautiful piece by itself)...every moment is soul sensed..."Your eyes change colors again"~elegant~weeping~ :))

[Dana Alsamsam]

ah wow thank you so much for stopping by to give me a read and for your kind words!

[wunder]

~ah-my pleasure~

[Astro]

Your words like gold hold weight that can be beautiful and enchanting as it runs fluidly through the readers mind and inviting such a mystery as to their origin, rare and precious. I loved this one Dana. I read it several times and will read it several more times for it opens up doors to my mind each time allowing speculation and imagination to roam free. Great write.

[Dana Alsamsam]

you're back! thank you so much- it means a lot that you'd come back to read again and again :)

[Astro]

I've been away on a camping trip, and that is why I have been so absent. I killed off quite a few brain cells too, so let's hope I have something left to contribute to the Cafe? ;) I will undoubtedly, be doing reviews for the forseeable future as my RR's are piled quite high. I am glad to return and find that my friends here have been busy and masterful.

[Dana Alsamsam]

ah i'm glad you had a great time, and i'm sure you have some experiences to document and share with all of us :) i definitely missed you though (in the least creepy way possible). and don't worry about the pace at which you get to my read requests...i've definitely been busy writing and don't want you to feel too flooded!

[Astro]

I feel like I have been remiss in my duties as a writer, because in all the time I was away, I didn't write a word. It was a good time, but I could have used a bit more time to myself and not so much group activity. Don't worry about the creepiness, I'm flattered my presence was missed. :D

[Dana Alsamsam]

ah we all need a break, don't feel bad! maybe something will come of it after the fact- either way it's great that you got to get away and had fun! i totally get that i sometimes feel like a recluse because being home alone is one of my favorite things.

[Astro]

We all do need a break, but unfortunately, it seemed to affect my momentum as far as writing goes. I've had a long and depressing go at wishing I could write but coming up empty due to a harsh writer's block. Recently, I have found the time and the inspiration to break free in another way that to me is far more valuable than jumping in the lake. I have accumulated some further inspiration though while away, so, you aren't wrong. Here's to the balance we share in succumbing to our art and falling towards distractions which bring experiences worth writing about. ;)

[Dana Alsamsam]

then coming back to writing you will appreciate it all the more and have a fresh take on things! sometimes it's hard to go out and live as a human, not an artist. to live in the moment instead of observing everything as words seconds after it occurs. here's to hoping your wall of writers block is broken down! :)

[Astro]

Thank you Dana, and continue with your own artistic overture as it dances upon your mind.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

What beautiful tension in this write. The way that you describe longing and living, juxtaposed to imagery that is both hard and soft, is quite breathtaking. I especially like the idea of the body in the bathtub...soft skin against hard veneer. And yes, that borderline between line and death can become muddy at times.

The last line...this is the genius of this piece for me. It sort of caught me off gaurd. I was reading the piece, enjoying it, and then "BAM" I was slapped in the face with this beautiful bit of imagery that really got my mind reeling. Nicely done.

[Dana Alsamsam]

thank you so much for your incredibly kind words, sarah!

[Richard]

again, amazing stuff! YES

[Archangel Gabriel]

This is a difficult one to interpret. It provokes thoughts of love from afar, watching as it passes you by or alternatively watching someone die from a disease. As always well written and entertaining in great metaphors.

[Dana Alsamsam]

it's basically about a person who is lovely and magnetic and brilliant...but they can't see it for themselves. it's sad, really. thank you for reading and tapping into my words the way you have!

[Archangel Gabriel]

I guess for me the bit about watching and observing another shone through.

[kublakhan27]

You balance simplicity and profundity as well as anyone I know in these parts...amazing poetry, amazing poet :)

[Dana Alsamsam]

thank you so much for your always kind reviews :)

[B-poet]

This poem is vividly unique in its own way. Vivid imagery and compelling diction. An intriguing write and read. Great work. :)

[Dana Alsamsam]

thank you so much- your reviews are always so incredibly kind!

[Tomahawk Joe]

I see the symbolism of the freight train and the crushing veneer as the overwhelming nature of life
great poem. You make such great points in your poetry.

[Dana Alsamsam]

thank you for your ever kind reviews :)

[Frieda P]

This one is worthy of holy cats dude, love it....it dips and wraps around the senses and brings you back to question what is going on here, life, death, love or creation. Awe inspiring Dana.

[Dana Alsamsam]

thank you so much! your reviews are always so kind (holy cats!)

[Frieda P]

Only when they hit the mark! My pleasure.....