Semblance

I loved the way the cream and sugar looked

Swirling light into my mug of mahogany coffee.

The sugar used to be my pain or laughter

Dissolving into the crevice between

Your collar bone and your chin. 

These days, I drink my coffee black

Because I don't want semblance of you

Lingering in my mouth. 

I loved the way the candle wax dripped

Down its sides, like the juice of a blood orange, 

And stuck to the surface, morphed, 

hugging its hip bones, a new way of loving

Itself even after it had been licked by a flame.

Now, all I find is your arms

In the limbs of the wax, becoming attached

To what is below it, hugging a corpse, and I can't

Love candles, the way that I did before

Because they're shorter than they were

Before your flames licked my skin

And melted me. 

I loved the way the night sky dripped

Secrets of death and the world

Into the curious voids in my spine, 

Whispered wind into the forested pine trees

Swinging in the back of my throat. 

I didn't need to know what it was,

To fall in love with the mysteries. 

But then you taught me the constellations, 

Tracing them into the porcelain space

Between my shoulder blades, fingers unfolding

The secrets of the night sky. Now

There is no more mystery. I can't

Love the night sky in the same way, 

because I can no longer

Find the mysteries. 

Every damn star is your kiss, indented like braille

Beacons in the velvet fabric of the sky

Marked by you. Even a shooting star

Is only your fingers tracing my stomach

Breaking the tension from the sky. 

I can't even love the sound of my own laughter

Because you folded it into origami melodies

Harmonious only with the sound of your own voice. 

Alone it sounds like the vinyl keys of a piano

Knocking and rattling against a skeleton's ribs. 

So I stop laughing, and continue

My inconsequential search to love anything

More than I loved you. 

Author's Note

trying to work on cleaning up some language/syntax

Reviews

[Traci]

I am quickly becoming a fan of your writing, Dana. This was crafted superbly, written with such emotion and imagery that drew me in from your opening stanza. I not only read the words, but feel the pain and longing through them. This would be a wonderful poem for your audition and poetry readings, it's just that good. 100/100

[Dana Alsamsam]

thank you so much! your kind words and insightful review really mean a lot to me. i'll be sure to stop by and give your work a read as well :)

[Traci]

You're most welcome. I think it would such a rewarding experience to use your own work for a theatre audition rather than another's. You connect with it in a much more personal way. Best of luck to you.

[kublakhan27]

This is awesome...it kind of reads like a monologue, something that lends itself well to recitation...the imagery is off the charts...great piece, it was in my library before I even finished the whole thing :)

[Dana Alsamsam]

ahhh thank you so much, that means a lot to me! maybe one day i can use my own work for a theatre audition...either way i want to start doing poetry readings this coming fall so maybe i'll use this piece! thank you for reading and for your kind words.

[kublakhan27]

You're most welcome...I think this would definitely make a good audition piece :)

[xxlheart]

seems clean to me :) a wonderfully detailed poem. excellent write.

[Tomahawk Joe]

I sense a subtle allusion to the changing of life in this poem but maybe that's just me

[Rahul]

It's a painful write i can say...because i liked and felt your third stanza much that's really contained deep words and a great message. your imaginary's great in third stanza.
nice flow of ink and i really don't think there's a need to work on cleaning up about that all...great job :)

[Dana Alsamsam]

thank you so much!

[Rahul]

My pleasure...but may i know what's your tongue lang. ?

[Dana Alsamsam]

english

[sparkle]

nice work dandouneh , well done

[Archangel Gabriel]

An eloquent and deeply emotional flowing poem with great use of metaphors. I notice you use your own body or the body of others to map your passage of memories. Very original and clever. One very minor suggestion:
'Breaking the tension of the sky'

[Dana Alsamsam]

with a past relationship i tend to feel everything as almost phantom touches on my body; the memories are literally right there in my skin. so thank you for reading and i'll take your suggestion into consideration!

[Astro]

Well even if it's a rough draft, this is good stuff. I enjoy the sensual nature you are able to construct with your imagery, even if it's painful memory that inspires the lines that hold the soft touch of your writers hand. I liked the line, "Even a shooting star
Is only your fingers tracing my stomach
Breaking the tension from the sky. "
It makes me think of the very tactile and playful manner in which I would tickle past lovers with the touch of my finger neath their ribs to lighten pressing moments. The coffee opener is awesome, I don't think you need to change it at all. I also, thought that it funny that I was thinking of writing about coffee tonight too, but didn't. If there is anything that could be cleaned up a bit, I personally think the bit about the candle and the arms becoming attached was a bit messy, but I liked the way you worked it out in the end with you being melted by the flame so, I know you could probably make it work easily with a bit of tweaking. Great lines Dana.

[Dana Alsamsam]

the candle section was definitely what troubled me the most because i love the images that occurred in my head, the sensual sadness, but i felt it was a bit confusing...so yes i will work on that section!

gosh i am such a coffee addict that it shows up in much of my writing as something routine. when my caffeine routine is broken, you know somethings up. i'm glad you appreciated that section!

thank you so much for reading and for your always thoughtful reviews!

[Astro]

I love giving them, if only I had the ability to focus that well on my own writes I might be able to write more than a poem a day. :( :)