Gone

Leaving: it's like going up darkened stairs,

Never really having a destination, but,

Knowing what you've left at the bottom.

I feel an empty tug on the other side of this string.

This string seems to be attached to my innermost being.

I try to fight, try to stay in one place,

But that tug is a never ending nagging.

I push and I pull.

I never completely rebel or follow.

I see the faces in my mind's eye that I've left in the distance.

Sometimes they call out to me and scream my name but I won't listen,

I can't stop or start.

I hope they know that I see them often,

Whether it be in a waking dream or the plucking of the string.

I should just close my eyes and cover my ears,

That way, I'd miss no one.

I'd love no one.

I'd leave no one.

I would make the heart bleed of no one.

Pain and pleasure,

New and old,

I'm stuck in this never ending cycle.

I try to restrain my love for you because it will only cause pain,

I spread my love to you anyways.

I'll give my heart to anyone because my need is too strong.

The time has come to fade into that beloved background.

There is a hole back there that I should be imprisoned in,

Someone had left my shackles undone.

I'm going where no one will find me,

I keep searching for that haunted shell of a person,

If I turn the right knob,

They'll be in my trap forever.

Leaving: the pain that feels like a knife being twisted in your heart,

If I didn't leave, you wouldn't come see the show.