Whats the difference

A Chapter by Gloria

Ugh, I feel so fake, like I'm wearing a mask. When you look at me, what do you see?Do you see some one confident or scared, judgmental or judged? When I walk away do you see the pieces of me that are scattered and broken ? What am I doing I cant think this way I need to get out of my head for a while. Crap Karen packed my ipod why did I ask her to help what ever it doesnt matter Ill have to talk to Karen . what time is it ok I have enough time to ask where it is before I miss my bus Ill ask when she is done bathing the twins . Ugh at times like this I wish I had my own family not the one that wasnt meant for me I wish they were still alive why did they have to be self-ish and leave me on my own .Ok I dont blame my mom she was wonderful and happy and glowing but she was taken from me she was killed when I was 3 I dont know the details and quite frankly I dont want to but my father he was a self-ish man who took him self from me it was his choice I had no voice . All he thought about was him self how he didnt want to be alone but he never once thought how my life would be when he left me alone, and that is what he did he left me all alone .

"honey , can you dress the boys while I start lunch ."Karen always asks me this question and she thinks after 4 years my answer will be different ."Yeah I will where r their towels?"

"In the hamper, they are already dry they just need cloths ."

"Ok , and did you pack my ipod ?"

"No ,Dear I know how much you use it and thought you would want it for the bus ride ".

"Oh well , do you remeber where you last saw it ?"

"No sorry, dear did you look in your carry on bag ?"

"No , I didn't thanks .

Damn I think one of the twins is running rampid and naked. Gosh they are like little animals . "Chis, where are you ? Ian where did he go ?

"Hehehe, gone , RUN ,RUN ,RUN ! . hehehe."

Ugh I should be payed for this .It took over 10 minutes to catch that little buttmuncher and another 8 to dress him in whatever "cute" outfit Karen put out for me to dress them in .

finally I'm in my room and I have my ipod thank jesus I don't think I could servive a 3 hour bus ride in silence I would have died for sure .Ok I'm all packed I have all my cloths my music everything that matters . Except my letters so I walk to my wall with my air vent and I unscrew it , and sure enough there they are the letters one from my mother and my fathers suicide note I don't really know whyI kept his note but I did I just can't bring myself the throgh it away . I would leave it but I don"t want the chance of Karen ,Mark or the boys finding it and knowing what he said then to me now .

Sometimes I wish Karen would just treat me like the aniti social teenager that I am but she thinks that if she try's enough I will finally be the bouncing baby girl she always wanted but its just not gunna happen I wish I could be who she wanted me to be because she has done a lot for me she has given me a house I could call home and a life I couldn't of had if I were any where else . But I can't and I'm sorry I could never give her what she wants because all she wants is a daughter that is happy to be her daughter.

well when it was time for me to leave I was completely happy to take a cab to the bus but Karen wouldn't have it she is very into the whole family thing and she wanted us to all drive to the bus station together and have a big good bye so naturally I didn't want to but Karen got her way.When we got there I said .

" Bye Mom ,bye Mark ,bye boys thank you for everything , love you ." she was in tears when I realized what I said I called her Mom."take care of your selves and you two be good". when I turn to Karen she caught me in a bear tight hug and said "Be careful ,I love you and be safe ." it took her a few moments to let me go and let her husband hug me I had never realized how much i meant to them Karen was wonderful and I knew that she was the one I felt closet to but I never considered that Mark was going to miss me but from the way he looked at me and said " I couldn't have asked for a better daughter you are my littler girl and I love you be good ." That was when I realized that I was going to miss them they weren't my biological family but they were my family and over the years I have grown to love them as my own .

Oh my god, I hate buses I swear for as long as I live I will never step foot on another bus finally I'm off that horrid thing . I am so ready to get to my new home where I won't have to worry about anyone but my self I am the boss of my self and nobody else I'm freshly emancipated I know I will have to take care of myself and I know it wont be easy but this is what it right for me . Ok, so my new apartment is 3 blocks away from this bus station my address is 362 Warner street so it won't be a long walk and I can't wait to see my new apartment I start on with my back pack and ipod the rest of my stuff is with the movers and should arrive soon so headphones in I walk and as I turn the first corner I see that some of these people look different like the way they move more graceful and animalistic. but that is not the only thing I notice their skin it is flawless and beautiful but what first caught my eyes is their hair and cloths the hair some green more vibrant than any forest has seen or orange brighter than any sunset, blue deeper than all the seas . And their cloths looked as if it were melted to their bodies in the most beautiful patterns i had ever seen it was as if a whole other world were unravling right in front of me .