Half Empty or Half Full

In my childhood, I thought that the luckiest child is the one who had many games, so I started collecting things. Even in school our teachers educated us about how to acquire knowledge and skills in order to have good grades and they assessed us to find out who was the first-rate student in the class.

My first goal was getting a degree to work in a company or anywhere else that allowed me to use my knowledge and my skills.

After getting a job, when we worked on projects, my manager always urged me to finish quickly before our deadline. He told me that we should not waste time in creating new ideas. But we had got to focus on finishing the project since we had to start another new one. I was astounded by the way in which people worked at the engineering company; aiming for the one thing which was more important than anything else, how to earn a lot of money quickly.

I said to myself maybe the smartest is he who earns a huge amount of money that’s why number one in the world is the richest person and his profile is splattered all over the magazines of the world.

I felt a huge emptiness in my soul. My perspective was changed. I set another life goal; I had to set up my own company to be able to start working on my own terms.

Later, I was disappointed because I found that the majority of my customers didn’t care about creativity and their needs were simpler than I imagined. So I had to accept many projects just in order to pay my bills.

It’s rare to find a customer that assesses the value of creativity and doesn’t talk about the amount of money that he will have to pay in the end.

After working hard for many years, I felt boredom and a hole in my heart, again. I said to myself maybe I should fill this hole by getting married.

I got married, after two years I felt the same apathy. I said to myself can we imagine a married couple without children who would increase our happiness! So we decided to have children but after many years I felt the same feeling of the boredom again.

My life consisted of having a job, a wife, children….. Why did I still feel this emptiness in my soul, even though I had achieved all my life goals?

I asked my wife that worked in science about this emptiness. She told me nowadays scientists have discovered that there is no emptiness even in space since even the earth is stood on the black matter, not in an empty space.

The constituents of each object in the universe are atoms. Inside each atom, we find protons, neutron, and electrons. Inside each proton, we find quarks. Inside the quarks, we find a dancing filament of energy. These filaments vibrate at different frequencies. The different frequencies produce the different particles. The different particles are responsible for all objects in this world around us. Each object in this universe has one type of vibration different from another. Even Earth wraps and curves space around it.

I said to her that she had told me about ‘matter’. I’m not created only by the material. My body has a soul. Could she describe to me how this is?

She watched me, mouth wide open, dumbfounded. She never had thought about it before. Is there an atom in this magic soul? The human being created all things on this earth from some things, but they are not able to create an insect as tiny as an ant that has a soul, never.

After thirty years of hard work, I retired from my job. As a result, I lost my first goal linked to my happiness, my job. Then, my children moved to a country far away to settle down with their own families. My wife couldn’t stand the thought to be away of her children. So she left me alone in our big family house after I gave her my blessing.

The hole of my emptiness became bigger and huger. Sometimes I would call my best friend to talk about our memories. Though I lost him this year all of sudden, he got a life-threatening disease. So, I missed the last person that could have given me joy. It seems hard to off this hollowness inside me without a best friend beside me.

My life has become useless. I live in a big city, a big house that has trapped me in my loneliness. I have lost my happiness since it has always been related to things like houses, cars….and people like my wife, children, and friends…

 

 

 

The trauma of losing all these things around me, which were based in materialism, getting all I can, having a ton of things, looking good, having a good lifestyle… having it all! In the best possible this way of life has now pushed me to relate my future happiness to a sustainable solution.

I always used to live in a material world, dreaming of the things I could get before getting them. But as soon as I got them, I would always lose this feeling of happiness and satisfaction. Then I thought about setting sustainable and unreachable goals in order to be able to live the rest of my life in constant need of the ever unattainable. It’s what decided I need in order to revive my soul. I’m still striving to work and live happily to satisfy my loneliness.

My current goal is different. It’s related to my God; He that never disappears. Everyone needs Him. However, He needs nothing and no person, no one. I definitely believe that He is truly unlike anything else.

The truth of my happiness has changed since I started to relate it to the One that is never away of me. I need to His help in order to destroy this apathy which is killing me every day.

After doing much research, I am convinced that one God and only one, no other else created my soul. So He is only one and no other is able to teach me how I can fill this hole and destroy the boredom and the emptiness in it since He is the creator of it.  

By asking Him every day I could fill my emptiness with His love. His loneliness urges me to be alone with Him. Not only does He have no children, no father but He also has no needs at all, whereas, He gives everything to me. How Can I try to be like Him? Giving everything I have to others?

I asked composers of music, artists, and scientists….how come they are happier than others. I figure out that they wanted to be alone in order to enter into this ecstatic state that allowed them to achieve their deeds in the best way. They don’t even feel tiredness or hunger. Their bodies disappear from their consciousness since they have to really do their job well and that requires a lot of concentration. Their job is a worth doing and it’s the treasures that they create from their work that made their lives meaningful since they expected neither to be famous nor to be rich.

 

I understand that my happiness should be based on giving time, knowledge….but I’ve got to give it as an artist. Each person has one secret, one thing that he likes to do more than anything else; one thing which every person uses all his ability, his talent, his influence, his potential to do. I try to share it with others, so I can feel a sensation of excitement that I never have before.

 

Not only have I decided to give my skills to others but also to commit myself to donate all my money and each filament of energy in my body after I die to others, in order to either make them happier or to help them survive by giving them my organs.

One day I read about one organization in our community that works on social issues. I decided to participate in the group as soon as I knew the president of it who was a feisty, fierce and vivacious person. I started meeting some people and prepared courses for them. At first, I felt joy when one of my students asked me an in depth question about my lesson. I started to give my time and my knowledge to others, so I immediately got feedback, my soul was covered and filled by their smiles that brightened my day. People tell me that my face shines like a full white moon. So I am sure I have touched a deep amazing emotion so purely and softly, which has made my working day unfold a whole lot easier.

I have tasted the roots of this strange feeling and I have gotten rid of the emptiness. That was an emotion which used to guide me through my life as I attempted to fill myself with happiness but no more.

The truth of my happiness that I had been looking for, I have realized, is something created within me, whether through sharing or giving something to someone or not. In the end, I haven’t found emptiness in my soul and I’m sure that it neither exists in space nor in my soul as well.

Now, my heart is filled with a great joy based on helping others and my soul is ecstatically elated when all my thoughts, body, and mind are giving deliberately to fill other hearts and souls.

 

©2015 Abderrahmane Dakir

Reviews

[jesserose99]

I really enjoyed this...what is the nature of the soul...the scientist doesn't know so you go 'on the road to find out'. What lovely thoughts. They say do what you love and the money will follow, and I look at that differently then monetary, because I do what I love...and the money hasn't followed, but richness has, wealth has. Your search was an entertaining one to read and a relatable one, people think you must do the things you have done on your search to find happiness, when true happiness, I believe lies in expression of the soul, no matter what that is.
Your question posed to science of what makes up the soul if the whole of existence is made of things is brilliant..because what does science 'know' really of what is unknown existing in the space of what is known. Well done Abderrahmane

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

I'm amazing from this wonderful comment. I like it so much. Thank you so much for reading.

[Donald Meikle]

I live my life inside the quarks, trying to write the music of the spheres. Some call it poetry. Some call it druidism. This reads like you too have found it.

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you so much for your comment.

[andrew mitchell]

A profound write Abderrahmane, so many questions, so much science is known on space but not of the soul if we do have one! Everything is up to interpretation like man wrote the bible which could be elaborate stories! and Catholic priests who know of abuse of children but deny, who are devout followers of God. My point being if they speak to God would not God speak back on this abuse they hide? When I was a child and talked to God I heard nothing in return. I'm not a believer but I do respect other's beliefs. I sometimes wonder where our soul is just a link to our subconscious and that's all. No one who has gone to the otherside through a portal has come back to tell us what's on the otherside as John Lennon was going to do telling Paul. Anyway A lovely write dear poet.

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you so much for reading.

[CA Anurag Sharma]

Terrific, terrific write... simply enjoyed it... but being an atheist I believe when you think that you are not worth it then try living for those who actually need you... there are endless people we see around who dont have basic necessities... if you feel you have enough then share it with them.. their joy will bring lot more happiness, talking to them and making them smile will automatically make your God happy... if you have nothing to give to them, then the most precious thing you can give to them is your smile and love... there are many many deprived of it.....

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you so much for reading.

[RuseInex]

Your perspectives are novel, in the expression you use, like innocence of a child, wonder filled, especially the soul, the spirituality in reference to God and spirituality. Love, got inspired by your comments about God. Your approach is autobiographical, self help, coping with change positively, beauty in that you share transparently. Love the science: the way you explain matter involved in all creation, your wife leaving fills me with sorrow, while me heart fills with admiration for your courage and attitude. .great, fascinating read

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you so much for reading.

[Willard Wells]

In the end a simple life is a happier life since there are fewer expectations to cloud the path. Well penned study of your life, which we as writers do. You, in this piece like myself rather bleed on the page. Good job.

Everyone's path to happiness and peace is different, but we must each find it on our on. You cannot share your life with others until you are happy and at peace with yourself.

It took me a while to get to this and no promise next time. Long piece cloud my brain. Hahaha

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you so much for reading.

[Aquatic Chocolate]

Thank you for sharing. That's beautiful and inspiring.

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you so much for reading.

[Jack Baird]

I enjoyed your story, it comes across as quite raw, honest and reflective. It's relatable and made me think of the ways different people find meaning in things.

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you so much for reading.

[Workvio]

An interesting introspective upon your life, which parallels the lives of so many others in this world ... Now the concept that man has a soul, as though it is some separate and special part of him that can be lost or tainted, is an ancient pagan one that is factually inaccurate ... The word soul correctly understood, used, and applied, means: Life ... To lose ones soul is to lose ones life ... To have ones soul filled with pain, anguish, longing, loneliness, and boredom is to have ones life filled with those very things ... Soul and life are synonymous one with the other for they are but expressions possessing exactly the same meaning that have been misconstrued and misrepresented over the thousands of years by ancient pagan concepts and teachings ... As for God--An Ultimate Creative Source Point Of Origin Of All Existence (as per my article Guess God's Gone Golfing), there must be a Creator of some kind or else the entirety of the Universe has pulled itself out of its own arse--no blasphemy intended, just stating an undeniable reality ... Likewise, there can be only one God, though folks may argue, debate, represent and misrepresent, His Name, Character, and Personification ... You are correct in your basic assessments regarding God ... God does not need us to do that which he does ... What does he do? ... God is an Artist, an artist of artists, as a Master Craftsman of His Art and that Art is to Create in having Created Creation which we witness before our eyes in gazing up at summer skies, along with new works that are in process of His handiwork that remain as yet sight unseen to our telescopic peeping devices used by man in an attempt to catch a glimpse at God's next Master Piece ... So God doe not need us, in the sense of needing anything ... Yet, God is somewhat like you and me, in that every artist has a need and longing to see and have his worked appreciated, loved, and admired ... I think it safe to say God, in some fashion mankind will never understand or grasp, has such a need in Smiling every time we, as mankind, look up, look around, look within us, look down, to admire, love and appreciate his Master Pieces that, not only surround us but, are us, each and every one of us as His Creations ... Woe to those poor, misguided, misled, misinformed, and deceived, individuals who are going about this planet, (and in God's name no less) destroying His Master Pieces represented in Human lives upon this earth ... There is no righteousness to found in such acts ... Those who destroy artwork are despised in any land, any culture, any where ... Now I believe you are correct, and have your purpose, which is to give of yourself to others ... You are an artist, a writer, and an artist must create, whether on paper, computer screen, or within the hearts and minds of young people who grow into master pieces from the strokes of your ingrained, implanted, teaching and sharing of your own time and life ... Keep writing and keep sharing ... Also, you need to join my group Storytellers Tavern, and please do read the group description, goals, and mission with intent eye application to detail ... LOL! ... You have penned a piece that speaks to my heart and my life, and will speak to all who per chance to read it ... Thank you for sharing ...

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

I have to thank you so much for this awesome comment. Thank you so much.

[Abeer Tarek]

This was exquisite, sir. One of the best things I've read in a long time..Materials and money are not everything but too many people are blinded to see that, I hope God blesses you with a joyful life, you deserve one.

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you so much for reading.

[Nerio]

An intense and mature analysis of nowadays life nonsenses.
Your words are meaningfull and dig directly into the cosciences of those who lives a similar experience. I can relate for most part of it and I do appreciate the struggle of your character to find a meaning in his life.
More then a novel, I'd say it's a open-heart confession and in this sense, your novel is lacking a real plot. It goes directly to the point, without focusing on a narrative backgorund. I'd just suggest you to reshape the whole thing with a fictional approach: chatarsis works better then direct confession.
Make your character more indipendent, more 'impersonal' and for your readers will be easier to identify themself with him. In this way, the message will break through the emotional defenses of the readers and reach their heart with a powerful impact.
In short: great writing!
Best regards, Dakir.

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you so much for reading.