Money and Children

Introduction

Mr Jawad is a rich man. However, he was raised in a poor family.  He has worked as a manager in his a famous company in Casablanca for twenty years. His sons have been given key positions in international companies.

Mr Karim is a wealthy man. He also has worked as a manager in his famous company however  karim’s son took drugs.

Chapter 1 : Karim’s family was in shock

 

Mr Karim is sixty years old. He is elegant. He always wears expensive suits, new shiny shoes. He is tall. He has a fair complexion, dark black eyes, and curly black hair. He is handsome.

When he calls his customers, he is very kind but when he is with his employees, he speaks loudly and he is aggressive. He believes in one thing, money is the root of all problems.

Karim’s wife is called Amina. She is attractive. She has big, blue eyes, silky wavey black hair. She is tall, intelligent and cheerful.

After working long exhausting hours he returns home to his wife, Amina . Over dinners, each evening they resume their discussions about new projects and ideas that will make them more money. They are money mad. Both of them focus solely on money, from eight o’clock in the morning to eleven o’clock in the evening.

They drive expensive cars. They spend a lot of money on lavish parties, though they neglect themselves.

The more they earn money, the less their desire to spend. They are meticulous in the art of stinginess they won’t rest until they have asked all their friends, colleagues, neighbor about the details of finding the best quality in anything for the lowest price.

When, Amina meets her friend Malika at the gym club.

 Amina says things like, “Last weekend, I had a good time with my husband Karim in Paris. As usual, we bought the latest trends in fashion, you know, the usual clothes as a fur, suits, shoes, skirts, shirts …”

“For me, I spent this weekend in Malaga. It’s my favorite destination, I like Malaga’s beach,” says Malika.
    
“I plan to travel to Brazil this summer. I prefer to go to Brazil’s beachs. It’s sunny, people are fun and friendly, there.” says Amina.

Ultimately, Amina must be seen to be wealthier and more powerful than her friends. Her goal is to stay ahead of others and  make her family thrive.

Karim’s daughter is called Donia. She is short. She has silky, wavy brown hair, big green eyes and a wide smile. If there is something that she wants to do, she does it. She is smart and serious. She is also the owner of an architectural design company.

She worked as well her father. She has always worked to the highest quality standards. She plans to grow her company more and more but she is selfish and egotistical.

She only maintains relationships with those who can help further her career or status. She despises anyone else especially the poor unless she can use them.

 
One day, her mother Amina asked her for twenty thousand dollars in order to buy something but she didn’t give her not one cent.

“I need my money to invest into projects that are going to make me more money. I can’t waste it on lending it out anyone, anymore” said Donia.

Karim’s son is called Adil. He is tall like his father.He has a curly black hair, a fair complexion, and dark black eyes.He has never had a goal. His life path has always been traced out by his parents. He has never understood the value of money since he has never done an honest day’s work in his life. 

Since graduating he has done nothing with his life, just enjoying himself with friends. 

Next, he fell in love with a girl called Mouna but his 
mother Amina hates her because she is poor. She is 
looking for a wealthy girl for her son, so he must wait for his mother’s choice.

Last week-end, Adil rented a house near the beach in the suburb of Casablanca with his friends who were a bad influence but they had a lot of fun.

After they had drank way too much, so one of his friends gave him a large amount of drugs.

After that, Adil collapsed and lost consciousness. One of theim took him to hospital, then the doctor who saved his life, called Karim to the emergency department.

Karim thought about his son all the way to the hospital.

He told himself, “I don’t understand it. I have tried to give my son everything so that he never had to struggle in life. Money, a good education, a great lifestyle, so why? Why does my son need to take drugs? I didn’t even know he was on drugs. Maybe, I focused too much on the business, Maybe, I didn’t give him enough of my time. My responsibilities at work keep me so busy. But I’ve worked hard to pave the way for him.”

Amina and Karim were frightened. Their eyes were hid a deep sadness.  They were in shock.

Amina cried and said, “I’m responsible, I gave him money but I didn’t ask him where he spent his spare time. I thought, he was just enjoying himself but he was in a bad company.”

“We are both responsible, I’m too. I should have been careful. I should not have given him, money, anymore”. Said Karim

 

They feel so sad. They had failed to raise him well.

Later, Karim and Amina arrived at Hospital, and they went to doctor Omar. They asked him to explain Adil’s situation to them.

“Adil’s situation is not good. We have discovered that he has been taking drugs for five years, so we have to keep him in this hospital for at least three months to rehabilitate him off the drugs, again.” Omar replied.

Chapter 2 : Jawad’s Wisdom

Jawad is tall, average build. He has straight, dark hair, 
big black eyes. He is delightful, serious and a gentle man.He makes everyone laugh with him. He has struggled in this life in silence. 

He never complains, he is grateful for what he has. He 
is fifty four years old. He doesn’t care about trendy clothes. He wears usual clothes like jeans and T-shirt. 

He is very geeky. He participates in the big event and meeting.

Jawad was raised in a poor family but he accomplished 
 all his goals. He is among the twenty richest men in my 
country.

His parents didn’t go to University but they brought him 
up well.

His parents have instilled the best values in him like principals, respect, relationship with others, love, compassion.....

His parents taught him about dignity to keep his chin up and be grateful for what he has.

Another way in which he managed to change his destiny was through his own fortitude, own confidence and own individual hard work.

Jawad is a modest man. Even though he is the owner of a big company of technology, he is very kind with his employees.

He is understanding and lovable. He taught his employees to love science. He often had time to talk to employees about their problems, so he helped them, too.

He empowered them to move beyond their circumstances. His goal was to be the ideal manager.

They love him more than anyone so, they work above and beyond their contracted hours without compensation.

Later, Karim made an appointment with Jawad in a nice café to discuss a good solution for his son.

Karim asked his best friend Jawad.“I just want to understand one thing. Why did my son Adil take drugs? He has everything he needs.”said Karim.

“Needless to say, your money could not have bought everything, you give money to your son but you should have known who his friends were? Where they spent their spare time? ” said Jawad.

Karim said, “I didn’t pay attention to his friends although I made sure that his friends were very rich. They were raised with wealth and resources like my son Adil.”

“My Lord created us, so he is so strong enough to nourish. Watered us and cared for. People die less from starvation and more a lack of good upbringing.

Know one truth! Money is just a means to an end. Don’t make it  your purpose for living. Money can help us in life but it can also be the root of evil, can’t it? Your children could hurt themselves with it, too.

You are Lord of your family. You gave them money but you didn’t guide them, as well.

Our universe was created and guided by My Lord. We have a sun that shines every day, we have a blue sky, blue beaches, green forests, nature, moon, Earth, stars…..All move in harmony through the care of my Lord, so  we are responsible for following the path set out for our children until they will reach twenty one years old.

After that, the only thing left for us to give is our advice so that we might remain close to them, as well.

Unless you raise your children well, no amount of inheritance will benefit them.

After that, your money and your children will become punishment for you. 

However, if you leave behind good children with a good education it is better than leaving behind a billion dollars because they will be our light in this life.

Wherever they are, they are reliable, modest, generous, compassionate, merciful, honest ….kind and friendly people. So it will be the biggest reward for your soul.

Karim has been affected by Jawad wisdom, so he has decided to pay close attention to his children.

Before guiding them on the right path in life, he seeks to understand their needs instead to be understood.

He tries to understand their problems by getting into the roots and helps them to overcome their issues more effectively.

His children are at the top of his top priority instead of his money.

Karim realized that money is not everything. The key to his life and that of his children is ensuring and affording them a safe and loving upbringing.

©2015 Dakir Abderrahmane

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

I agree with the ending and the wisdom shared.
":Karim realized that money is not everything. The key to his life and that of his children is ensuring and affording them a safe and loving upbringing."
Our children are our wealth. Thank you for sharing the outstanding story.
Coyote



.

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you so much Coyote for your wonderful comment.

[theReverie]

wow . Such a fascinating story. It reminds of the story my mother used to tell me . About the fisherman and the genie in the bottle. The Fisherman wished for everything that he touched would be gold so that he would be rich. And so after granting that wish the man ran home to his family touching everything in his way. Joyously, he went home and called for his wife and his children and out excitement , he hugged his children together with his wife and poof they became gold.

Your story is such an eye opener to those who were blinded by riches. You're very inspiring . I hope I could write one as good as this too.

[Annacate]

I loved this story. It really hit home with me as a single mom on a budget who has, at times, felt guilty about not being able to give my child the 'extras.' It reaffirmed that the time I spend with my child is more important. Thank you for this.

[beach0324]

I love your comments about your child that's is how I feel about mine

[DoormanDan]

As with the last story of yours that I reviewed, this one delivers a powerful punch with its moral, and you delivered it well. The message was present, understandable and relatable without coming across as too preachy. The only criticism I have for the story is that a lot of the sentences are rather basic(which is not a bad thing, by any means, but if you really want to get this published and sold in places like Barnes and Noble or some other place, you're going to want publisher's to take you seriously. Unless this is meant to be a moral story for little kids, the sentences should have a little more complexity to them). That's it for the criticism. You managed to keep the POV consistent this time, which is a very good thing.

The next few things I'm going to point out are not criticisms, just relatively insignificant typos I came across while reading. The first one;

"They are meticulous in the art of stinginess they won’t rest until they have asked all their friends, colleagues, neighbor about the details of finding the best quality in anything for the lowest price" after the word stinginess there should be either a comma or a period.

"When, Amina meets her friend Malika at the gym club." You accidentally put a period after club.

"She worked as well her father." I'm having hard time figuring what exactly you are saying, but I'm guessing you meant to say, "She worked as well as her father". That's a decent sentence, but I might recommend changing it to something like, "She was as hard-working as her father".

"One of theim took him to hospital". You accidentally put an i in "them".

"Their eyes were hid a deep sadness." I get what you are saying in this, but the sentence is worded badly. I would say change it to something along the lines of, "An explicit sadness filled their eyes".

"I should not have given him, money, anymore”. I would recommend changing this sentence to "I shouldn't have given him so much money" or something along those lines.

"He is among the twenty richest men in my country." While there's nothing wrong with this sentence as far as wording goes, you haven't made it clear that the story is narrated in first person by somebody in the story, so using "MY country" doesn't really work.

"You give money to your son but you should have known who his friends were?" The way the sentence is worded, it wouldn't have question mark. But the sentence isn't worded very well to begin with. I would recommend changing it to something like, "You give money to your son, but did you even know who his friend were?"

I know that sounds like many errors, but hey, we writers make mistakes like this all the time. Other than the things I've pointed out here, I think your story is solid. The message is good, and the way you told Karim's growth(due to nearly losing his son) from a person who only cares about money to a person who looks after his family more than his wealth was well done. I enjoyed reading this story, and I can see improvement in your writing ability. Keep up the great work! :)

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you for reading. I enjoyed with your comment.

[DoormanDan]

You're welcome, I'm glad I was able to help :)

[Gary]

I've read your story and while I admit that the concept is really thought out, it just doesn't flow well. Here are a few examples of suggestions I think would help with that.

"Mr Karim is sixty years old. He is elegant. He always wears expensive suits, new shiny shoes. He is tall. He has a fair complexion, dark black eyes, and curly black hair. He is handsome.

When he calls his customers, he is very kind but when he is with his employees, he speaks loudly and he is aggressive. He believes in one thing, money is the root of all problems. "

I think you should combine thoughts. Not every one has to be separated into its own sentence. So what if you wrote the above sentence like this:

"Despite his seasoned age of 60, Mr. Karim always stands tall in his new shiny shoes. The expensive suits he wears compliment his dark eyes, black hair and fair complexion nicely. To those that meet him, there is no doubt. This is a an elegant and handsome man."

Try instead of telling your audience that someone is tall, or intelligent or aggressive, let your audience decide that for themselves. Create dialogue that conveys his politeness to customers. But then as if he has a separate personality, have him pull a complete 180 and get aggressive with his employees. Show that he is stern and strict.

Also, your structure could use some work. Use paragraphs. Not every sentence is its own paragraph.

I hope this review finds you well, and helps your writing.

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you for reading. I enjoyed with your comment.

[creative Marie]

I read the first chapter. and I believe I am able to point out the message you are getting at. Its a good Idea but I think your story needs more development. What you have is a solid outline of each of your characters and some of their morals, and interests.

I have strategy that might work for you that I always use. Keep this story on a word document if you don't already. Before going any further with your story just keep it as a reference. On my computer I have downloaded Zhorn Stickies, they are free and they are much more efficient than windows sticky notes, one their best features is that you can attach them to documents or websites. I Use these Stickies to organize my thoughts.

I have one Stickie set aside for random ideas in case I want to add or change something without actually changing what I already have written down. then I have several Stickies that tell the many "stories" I have written and rewritten over the years. Its a slow process but it has worked better for me than any other writing strategy I ever learned at school or online.

I recommend that you use this strategy to practice on adding feeling and depth to your story. I'd also research and practice some descriptive writing you could try to get inside of each characters heads: what they see, hear, smell, feel.

Remember the whole point of this is simply to organize your thinking you do not have to apply any of these practices to your story. maybe you'll keep it just the way it is and try this strategy on a different story, or youl may chose not to follow this advise at all.

Again Great idea. and keep up the good work. :)

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you for reading.

[Angela Sparks]

This is a very good story with a lesson to be learned from it. Very nice story plot too:)

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you for reading.

[Stephanie Baker]

Really good story your best yet

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you for reading.

[Ella Kate]

It is really good story I love the concept.

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you for reading.

[Valkyrie Warrior]

Love it! I agree with the other reviews! Very true and well written!

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you for reading.

[Valkyrie Warrior]

You welcome

[Jane Stones]

An interesting read. This story had a happy ending, few do. You can give your child the world but if you do nnonot give them love, they are poor and they will search for something to fill that hole. Adil through drugs, Donia through money. I'd like to hear her story as well. Parents set the path for their children and often many generations after

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you for reading.

[pikachulover]

Good one! Just a few errors, anyways a good story! :)

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you for reading.

[andrew mitchell]

There are more precious things in life that money can't buy, they may help with burdens but love , kids, family, values , morals, happinesss are things from the heart.

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you for reading. Your comment is as your smile....lovable from the heart.