For everyone that give us a wonderful smile that give a joy to any person's heart
Your smile incites all our Thoughts to be relaxed within your sight Troubles to be melted in your path,
Senses to be mesmerized in your eyes Issues to be solved upon your ways,
Feelings to be excited by your voice
Worries to be dissolved into your waves.
Your smile helps us to
Follow our passion of discovery
Seek our desire in priceless treasury,
Read our books in the library
Improve our skills in major literary
Expand our essay to a well-read story
Find our love poetry.
Your smile changes our
Loneliness to togetherness Darkness to lightness, Ruthlessness to forgiveness
Sadness to happiness,
Weaknesses to strengths Illness to healthiness,
Weariness to willingness Awkwardness to smoothness,
Selfishness to selflessness.
Your smile allows us to
Immediately take a while to rest
Efficiently do our very best,
Confidently stand on our two feet
Brightly achieve any tough feat
Bravely face our given fate,
Spontaneously increase our personal faith Repeatedly seeing you with bated breath, Patiently learn the longing of wait Modestly have will power extremely great,
Definitely forget our last defeat
Truly have sensation we never felt
Completely succeed all our tests
Absolutely deserve all our gifts.
Well, this is a piece brimming with "positivism", and the Smile that inspired these words of yours to shape into a poem had been obviously portrayed by a hyperbolic pen. It is true though that a hearty smile can sometimes make our day and help us get through whatever hardships that might be awaitening us on the midway less distressingly.
The colourfull vocab is there and the playing with opposites is fair. I do agree, however, with what Mr. Jack Galmitz suggested in his review. The use of more imagery would add spice to your poetry.
I believe you have conveyed your messages. As though in shooting, you have many targets so you fired many shots. Although you were quite bold in your statements. Reminding one of Pablo Neruda and other free verse poets. If you wanted to be suggestive and figurative like Shakespeare and other classical poets, you must resort more to the various figures of speech. And you have done well with having a rhyming scheme, albeit, amazingly abundant. Proficient at rhyming words. Maybe, you needed the figures of speech used more extensively.
dear Abderrahmane, our grandchildren
have smiles that bring all these attributes
to our souls and more. Je'adore...
your poetry reminds me
of Shakespeare! He would say
"Although you have none, obtain a virtue".
The smiles of children and young adults,
as well as us older and wiser ones ...
can instill in others to be philosophers
and mentors to others. Amen...
truly.... Pat
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
Thank you so much.
9 Years Ago
You are very welcome.
May you receive all the smiles
may need for all your
.. read moreYou are very welcome.
May you receive all the smiles
may need for all your
dreams and wishes to come true.
truly, Pat
Not structured aesthetically, for a set of statements like this the meter can be an important tool for delivering the candy. A little bit of a ramble going on here. I can appreciate the free-ness of it, but it does wander from any path of consistent imagery. Needs to be edited and refined a few more times, would love to see a more elegantly worded structure. I am a bit of a dork and I am super fussy about poetry so don't even take me seriously, keep workin' at it.
This is true. One smile can changes a persons world! My grandmother always told me this and I took it as this; if you smile at someone they feel appreciated even if they don't know you. A smile can tell a lot about a person whether it was sincere or fake. The receiver and the dealer can both benefit.
This poem is strong and shows the simple acts of kindness society needs to show. I love how you inspire others to smile. Because who knows your smile might just change someones day around.
I enjoy the rhythm of the poem. Consider reviewing the final stanza to ensure you are using the appropriate adverb (for you) to begin each line. Some seem quite related to the act in the line and others are more dissonent. That may be on purpose. I point it out because the prior stanzas seem relatively straightforward compared to some of the individual lines in the final stanza. A choice to think about and be sure of.
Mr. Abderrahmane Dakir, I think your poem is good. You have efforted to representative your soul by beautiful words. I just give a suggestion, I think, if we write a poem, we must effort to condense our words but it does not lost our meaning. We must limit repeating. I hope you to give inspiration for the world. I like your poem.
Posted 9 Years Ago
9 Years Ago
Thank you so much.
9 Years Ago
You are welcome. May be, you could review my writing too :)
I love to share my ideas with you, I love to read your imagination...writing is one way to know all of the best things in the world.
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