Your Smile

For everyone that give us a wonderful smile that give a joy to any person's heart

Your smile incites all our
Thoughts to be relaxed within your sight
Troubles to be melted in your path,
Senses to be mesmerized in your eyes
Issues to be solved upon your ways,
Feelings to be excited by your voice
Worries to be dissolved into your waves.

Your smile helps us to
Follow our passion of discovery
Seek our desire in priceless treasury,
Read our books in the library
Improve our skills in major literary
Expand our essay to a well-read story
Find our love poetry.

Your smile changes our
Loneliness to togetherness
Darkness to lightness,
Ruthlessness to forgiveness
Sadness to happiness,
Weaknesses to strengths
Illness to healthiness,
Weariness to willingness
Awkwardness to smoothness,

Selfishness to selflessness.

Your smile allows us to
Immediately take a while to rest
Efficiently do our very best,
Confidently stand on our two feet
Brightly achieve any tough feat
Bravely face our given fate,
Spontaneously increase our personal faith
Repeatedly seeing you with bated breath,
Patiently learn the longing of wait
Modestly have will power extremely great,

Definitely forget our last defeat
Truly have sensation we never felt
Completely succeed all our tests
Absolutely deserve all our gifts.

Abderrahmane Dakir

Reviews

[KLMazon]

I like this. The only thing that really bothers me, and this is just my personal preference, is how the lines are rather long at the end of the poem. It gives the feeling that the poems isn't finished. I'd either shorten these, such as using imagery as suggested by another reviewer, or wrap it up with a few more shorter verses. Again, that's just my personal preference for body and closure.

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you so much.

[Alfred Kukitz]

I would like to meet him or her. They are a wonderful poem;moreover, the writing embraces a human being.

Regards,
Al

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you so much.

[Latifa]

I liked the first stanza best, nice job

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you so much LATIFA for reading.I like your comment too.

[George Peck]

I love this poem you did a great job with abstraction. I love the back and forth. to me this poem is like a piece of glass nice and smooth. Thanks for sharing it

I don't see where there's a problem with the poem looks like I'm missing something or the others are; I liked it and don't think you need to change anything of course this is only my opinion

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you so much for reading.

[Paul McCall]

I can see where you are attempting to go with this but it reads more like a list and I see no faces in it. Even a poem needs a beginning, a middle and end, a story in other words. You have the framework for a great poem. Writing is rewriting it has been said and this is a good first step. Write on my friend.

Paul

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you so much for reading.Your comment is wonderful.

[JayceeC]

This is a great edit. the only thing I might change at this point is in the new line "patiently learn the longing OF wait" Patiently was spelled wrong too. This has a lot more feeling and is a much more complete write now. Editing can be difficult work, but sometimes it is definitely worth it!

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank so much JAYCEEC fot your help. I'm grateful. Thanks a lot.

[JayceeC]

You have much to be proud of here. I only made suggestions and told you what was not clear, but this is still all of your write! You are most welcome for this small bit of help, I feel honored to be asked.

[Cryingkate]

I'm gonna be completely honest here and it might appear brutal though I don't mean to be.
My opinion since you asked for it may not be what everyone thinks but it is my own personal view.

I lean with total understanding of what Jack Gomitz stated "limit the statements and abstractions and replace them with images.
Writing of any kind relies on images conveying the feelings- showing them rather than telling them"

For me the read had an open hearted sentiment but, I didn't enjoy the view point. I think Love and Romance is when someone opens you up to give not what we get from it.
This write seems too much of me me me and what he gets.
Then the expressive presentation was way too dry for me. It was like sex with no lubrication or foreplay.
Like selfish one way, words to a song with no melody.
Like Jack said. they are statements without images of feelings.
Perhaps try, saying what you want to say without saying it directly might help.

My opinion is only my opinion. If anything I said discourages you then please take me off your list for reviews. We all have different likes and dislikes and we cannot all like everyone's writings.
I have a hunch we cannot enjoy each others writings and it might just be best to avoid each other.

But please do not be discouraged and May you continue writing and reach to those who will be empowered by your writes.

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thanks you so much for reading. I change me by our and us. I learn a lot from your comment.

[Cryingkate]

It was my pleasure. Thank You !

[Kat]

I really enjoyed reading this, it was very positive and shows that a smile really can do wonders. Great poem, keep writing, you have talent!
-Kat

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you so much.

[Helen Crutchett]

Very well written, uplifting poem. Bravo!

Helena

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you HELENA so much.Your comment means a lot for me.

[Dhaye]

A smile is magical. It can motivate a person to do something great. It can change a life for a moment, or for a lifetime.

Nice poem.

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you so much.