A Father's Wish

I tried to show what a father expect from his chidren

Miss Mouna lives in a modest and a big family, she is the eldest of four sisters, She is in her 20s, she is attractive, she has a fair complexion, eyes as golden brown, brown hair too. She dresses and is well spoken. Outside on the sidewalk she  walks elegantly and confidently, everyone who sees her, thinks she is wealthy.

After graduating from the most prestigious university in the biggest city in Morocco - Casablanca , her first aim was to find a job. Mouna is an Economic major, she sent her résumé to so many companies in order to find a position that would enable her to use her knowledge ; but she got no reply.

She has to earn her own spending money. She is sick and tired of asking her father all time for spending money. She is feeling a little blue. It’s frustrating to be  unemployed, after studying for more than 20 years.

Mbarak is Mouna’s father, he is a poor man but he is proud of his wife Malika and his five daughters, he works as carpenter and he works hard to feed six mouths and himself.

Malika is a housewife, she takes care of her husband, her daughters, and cooks, cleans, does the laundry….etc. She manages Mbarak’s house well.

Today, Mouna is excited; She has been offered a job in a call center, Starting next week,  It will be her first time working in a call center. As usual, the quickest way to work  is by working in a call center like the rest of her friends. Speaking well in French is enough to be offered a position there.

Mouna was expecting to work in a big company such as a Bank or in Insurance, like her friend Nora.  However Nora’s father, Mr. Lahlou, is a rich man who works as a manager in a Bank. One call to his friends is enough to employ his dearest Nora.

“ Dad, I have to buy  new jeans and a shirt for my new job.” Mouna said.

“ I’ don’t own a clothes factory, if that answers your question. Your wardrobe is full of clothes.” Mbarak replied.

“Please Dad, you know that appearance is important to be respected in this city. Next month I will have my first paycheck so I won’t ask you for money anymore.” Said Mouna.

“I’m sure your money won’t be enough for your needs. Here’s, ten dollars.”

“It’s not enough Dad, I need at least fifty dollars. Please give me another forty dollars, be nice, you know I’m your favorite.”

As soon as, she sat beside him, she leaned on his shoulders and kissed his head.

“Stop it, don’t do that, take it, another thirty dollars, and not another cent, go away, I am not the Bank of Morocco. “

Later, Mouna  works more than twelve hours a day. She doesn’t sleep as well as before. She even  works on week-end and on religious holidays.

Every night, she comes back home late, she hurries to her bedroom.

Answering calls from customers all days long has weakened her strength so she has become lethargic and spends her time watching TV and eating on her bed.

Soon after starting work, She gets her first paycheck, “Oh, only four hundred dollars? I can’t spend it all on clothes,  this month especially I have to give a third of it to my father. He really deserves more, he works so hard, but having money is not easy for me either”.

“Dad, here is a third of my salary , Its worth more than ten days working at the Call center.” Mouna said.

Mbarak laughed and went on,“ My Dearest , I never expected any money from you. Now, I’m sure it’s your money, Its worth a lot to you, take it and try to save a third of your pay in you’re a new Bank account. I hope that you never have to ask anyone for money ever again. At the moment you are responsible and capable to manage your income well enough and to save your money for a rainy day. You won’t understand my feelings until you have your children of your own. I don’t need anything at all, I’m still strong working as hard as many young men, you are my pretty flower which has started to bloom. I thank God for this gift, I’m proud of you, take care of yourself. If you are successful, I’m successful too, If you are ok, I’m ok too.”

Mouna sees the brightest light from her father’s eyes. It guides her on a straight path, she will not go astray after this advice. She embraces her father’s head tightly and kisses his hands; hands that are rough as rocks. 

“Dad, you have a heart of gold, I can never repay you for everything you have  done for me , you have given me a better life. After realizing how much you gave me, I feel so sad that I can’t show you my appreciation. Your love is so powerful, your love is as deep as ocean . Your love gives me the strength me to continue on my short journey in this life in the best way. Thanks so much Dad.”

©2015 Dakir Abderrahmane

Reviews

[Barry]

This isn't the kind of thing that I normally read, so I can't give you a constructive review other than basic grammar stuff if you're trying to improve it.
These are my recommendations. Its what i would do if i were to rewrite this.You don't have to follow any of my suggestions.
In the 1st paragraph you kind of just list everything in one very long sentence. I would change it to be something more like.
Miss Mouna lives in a modest family. She is the eldest of four sisters.She is in her twenties, and she is very attractive. Mouna's face is white. Her eyes are as brown as honey. She has dark hair. She dresses well and speaks elegantly. She walks confidently everywhere she goes, and everyone that see's her believes she is wealthy. ( I changed her hair to dark because i believed it was to soon to use the word brown again.) If you gave her a first name you could cut down on the number of times the word she is used, and the story would flow a lot better.
I don't want to sound like I'm criticizing your writing, and I don't want to rewrite it all. If my advice is helpful then I don't mind doing more. If your writing is already how you like it then don't change it.

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you MatthewRitch for your reading. I enjoyed with your comment.

[Barry]

You are welcome.

[RANJANKUMAR DESAI]

Enjoyed your story like your other story. Pl.read my story ' The Dowry and review.

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you RANJANKUMAR DESAI for your reading. I enjoyed with your comment.

[h d e rushin]

First of all, with sincere respect to you and to all of North Africa, what the internet does
is brings (to me) other cultures and ways of expression right to the peace and security
of my little writing room with a tv, space heater and radio. What I mean Abderrahmane,
is that I could get in my car, drive in any direction I please and not encounter
any of the cultures that having internet access allows me. So I am respectful of
this English instrument you're trying to use to symbolize this otherwise difficult
form of expression. That being said, the story line, that of a fathers love of his
daughter, is a universal one. And having this universal theme, could be anywhere
in this world. That is the joy that I get from this story my friend. That parental love has
no respect to culture or economy. No matter how far that love might come from..

a wonderful story my friend..

dana

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you h d e rushin for your reading. I enjoyed with your comment.

[Lydia Shutter]

A lovely story. We have to appreciate what our parents do for us....what they continue to do for us throughout our lives. Lydi**

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you Lydia Shutter for your reading. I enjoyed with your comment.

[E.K.Donaldson]

Beautiful story. It reminds me much of my father and I. Thank you for sharing it. It really shows how much parents love their children and the relationships between them.

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you E.K.Donaldson for your reading. I like so much your comment

[Sindu]

I'm glad to have read this story. I, myself, am going through a similar stage so I very much understand Mouna's feeling about spending father's money or waiting. This captures the emotions and sentiments of a normal household, relation between father and children and the aspirations. Very Touching.

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you Sindu for your reading.

[Mari K]

English is not an easy language and I applaud the effort you have put into this. The topic is heart warming and a testimony to solid parenting. As parents, we are proud when we see moments of selfless love in our children. This means we have done well in raising them. Besides the grammatical errors it is a great story.

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you Mari K for your reading.

[TTina]

It's a good story, mostly because it's very realistic!

Keep up the good work! :)

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you TTina for your reading.

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you for sharing the beautiful and hopeful story. We teach our children the rights ways. They honor us by living a good life and showing us the love and concern back we gave them. A powerful story.
Coyote

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

Thank you Coyote Poetry for your comment. I enjoyed with it.

[Coyote Poetry]

I enjoyed the story and you are welcome.