The Forgotten Lanes

We all reside somewhere between love and betrayal..in the forgotten lanes of life that still exists but hidden in silence.

She resides in the forgotten lanes--

Of what could be but still couldn’t.

Torn between the love and betrayal,

Of a man who is her’s but still isn’t.

 

She thought she knew, who he was,

Believed his words and embraced his flaws,

She soaked her heart,

It melted in his eyes.

Little did she knew, she was drowning in his lies.

 

And between--

All that she lost and all that she got,

Was a love he promised and then forgot.

Now, in her mirth her woes will cry,

But he will never know until her tears go dry,

Her mind is choked, her heart in violence,

Yet she kissed him, in her seductive silence.

 

And the pathos of love rose above the noise,

He made her his option while she made him her voice.

It was time she knew, she had to turn her back,

So one last look!

And she left him like a choice.

Author's Note

Back after a really long time! Hope you like it :)

Reviews

[Bear]

Critique: (She thought she knew,who he was) there should be a space between the comma and who - She thought she knew, who he was
(Little did she knew,she was drowning in his lies.) the same here between the comma and she - Little did she knew, she was drowning in his lies.
(And she left him like a choice.) not sure about the wording of this line, I'm not sure of your meaning.

Review: The emotion of this is outstanding and your rhyme scheme empowers your work. That last line still troubles me maybe (and leaving him was her only choice) just a suggestion. Standing Ovation! I give it five out of five Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap! Glad! It is good to see you back in the 101 my friend.

[Daisy]

Great to hear from you after a long time!
A well pointed critique. Thank you !
Will edit it soon after..
Thank you so much for such a thorough review. Your feedback is always much appreciated. Yes! The last line shows how she finally made a move out of the emotional trap but as a choice just the way she chose to love him. And you are right. Leaving him was her only choice because he was never an option.
Hence the line..
He treated her like an option.
So she left him like a choice.

Have a nice day :)

[Phill Oz O'fee]

Very interesting poetic read - I felt the love/hate relationship energy of passion tinged with doubt! Almost felt like a one night stand turned into too many days .. if that makes sense to you? Great write … :-)

[Sophia V]

Wow. This is absolutely incredible. I can really feel the emotions throughout the writing. I love it

[Daisy]

Thank you so much Sophia! M so glad you liked it .. :)

[Kelly Scheppers]

"And the pathos of love rose above the noise,
he made her his option while she made him her voice."

The obliterating pain is ineffable, but you rose above it, and that takes a lot of backbone.

Welcome back, Daisy...with much applause!

[Daisy]

Thank You Kelly for such a warm welcome and a lovely feedback :)
So good to hear from you after a long time. Much appreciated. God Bless :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

"she left him like a choice"
ah yes...good for her...no more being used...and he will regret not having what he once did as soon as he realizes how good she was, and how stupid and selfish he was.

j.

[Daisy]

Thank You J. not just for this lovely review but also your understanding of the underlying emotion :)
Keep writing :)

[Coyote Poetry]

Dear Daisy, a emotional ride in your words.
"And between--
All that she lost and all that she got,
Was a love he promised and then forgot.
Now, in her mirth her woes will cry,
But he will never know until her tears go dry,
Her mind is choked, her heart in violence,
Yet she kissed him, in her seductive silence."
I liked the above lines. When we learn. Love is known by one only. A lonely place to find. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[Daisy]

Thank You for this insightful review John.
And yes I completely resonate with your thoughts. A lonely place indeed! God Bless us all :)

[Coyote Poetry]

You are right and you are welcome.

[Ardra]

I liked it a lot daisy...kind of like reading some kind of similar story which I want to share..... very glad to see you back :)

[Daisy]

Thank you so much Ria..I am so glad you could relate!
Good to hear from you after a long time :)

[Ali]

Very carefully written. One could see the journey here, rising from the depths of dissapointment to embrace the inevitable goodbye.
Beautifully done again. :)

[Daisy]

Thank you for the warm feedback! Much appreciated :)