Chapter Nineteen: Battling Truth

Having my mom back and seeing the changes in her life is incredible. I know that with faith anything is possible. I am starting to learn that with acceptance, understanding and forgiveness you have the ability to find love and to protect it from anything...

Forgiveness is weakness. 

Weakness is inevitable, it's a part of life. 

Accepting people just means you are allowing them to destroy your life because that is what people do, hurt you. 

The only thing that hurts is unforgiveness. It bottles up inside of you until you explode and then you wind up hurting others close to you. People that didn't even cause the issue to begin with.

Bess, you are a fool. 

No, I once was foolish enough to believe all the negative things building up in both my life and inside my head.

What are you trying to say here Bess? 

I forgive you, too. 

Forgive me? You forgive me?! Hahahaha, don't make me laugh Bess. There is no need to forgive me as I have never hurt you. I have only ever been honest and straight forward.  It is something you need in your life. 

                 

I preferred when you drew me with my head cut off.  I don't need a hug. What I need is for you to open your eyes to truth. Your mother is full of it. Remember two years ago when she came to your fourteenth birthday party? Remember all the promises she made? She stole the birthday money that Grandpa gave you then she turned around and gave it to her pimp whom she owed money to. 

I forgave her.

There is that word again Bess. Forgiveness, pfft, more like ignorance.

I am fighting a battle and I will come out a conqueror.

And then what Bess? No matter how hard you try, I will always be here. You can't lose me, you need me. 

I need faith, not misery. 

I'll let you sit and believe that Bess. I know that when it all crumbles, you'll come running back to me. 

Dad is going to be away for a while and that is the best thing that could have ever happened for my life. Mom returning was perfect timing and my life will get better.

Don't let your hopes soar too high honey, no one ever really changes, they just pretend and lie to themselves and others. This is your reality...

And this is your future...

Crushed by reality, again and again. 

I know mom has changed; I see it in her eyes. I feel it in her presence. She wants to make things right and move forward from her past, I'm allowing her to by forgiving her and putting my trust in my faith.

What faith, Bess? The faith that you had all the times before that she'd change, that she actually cared. The faith that sucked you into her lies that leads you to lying in bed, crying for hours on end. 

If I keep worrying about what happened in the past, I can't move forward. I'm tired of crying and hurting and dwelling on what happened, it will only pull me deeper into the darkness.

If you want to move forward, then you should leave everyone behind and move forward with me. Together, you and I can make a better life for you. 

The boy that sleeps with stuffed animals. Boy, he's a real winner. Let's spend the rest of our lives with that. 

He only kissed her! Besides, he was drugged and by a drug that should have never been in this house. A drug that you claimed to be yours.  

Bess, your dreams are fictional. 

No, Sally you are fictional.