Chapter Eight: New and Improved Bess

I still can't get over the feeling I felt when I tossed Candice in the dumpster at school.  It was worth the five day suspension, not to mention restraining my pathetic father gave me a rush of adrenaline.  Oh I could conquer the world with this burst of energy, this excitement.  I don't think anyone in this entire world could break this feeling.  Nothing, no one. 

Bess, you've forgotten me. 

Forgotten you?  I could never.  You are a part of me, dear diary and you are truly to be thanked for what you've done for me.  

But you no longer need me and you have no use for me.  Therefore, if not forgotten then I'm unused. To me, that may be worse than being forgotten. 

Don't be such a fool diary!  I don't like this pathetic soft side you've shown me.  I like the witch that gave it to me straight.  The one person that has never let me down or let me come down on myself.  I may have shut off to the world but you've never let me completely shut down.  If it weren't for you, I may have killed myself. 

Don't be so melodramatic you fat cow! 

Ah, now there is the girl I know and love.  I won't forget you nor will I stop writing but you must promise to continue to be the a-hole I know and love otherwise I'll trash you like I did Candice and trust me, I have the guts to do so!

Oh please Bess, you aren't that cruel.  Hell, you aren't cruel at all!  You only trashed that hippo because she's a menace to society and because I told you to.  You've got the softest heart I know, which is why I've called you pathetic so many damn times.  However, I do enjoy when you do what I ask so I don't resort to beating you up all the time.  On the other hand if I can't talk trash about you then I really have no use at all.  Considering the soft side is sort of irritating.  I almost offed myself... luckily I can't hold on to lighters very easily.  Now dear friend... what have we got planned for the suspension?  

Ewe, seriously?  I thought the local kiss-fest wasn't your thing?  Or maybe it's because you've never been invited, more than likely.  No guy has ever had the ability to speak to you without choking on vomit, must less considering putting his tongue in your mouth!  Sorry, I just gagged on my own vomit.  Bess, you must realize that you aren't very attractive so what does Trevor see in you? 

             

Ha! I don't believe that for a second.  He also doesn't want your riches because your father is broker than a prostitute that was just ripped off and beaten by her own pimp.  Sad Bess, real sad.  But I promise you, he doesn't see THAT kind of woman when he looks at you.  Maybe he focuses on your honey brown eyes to steer his vision from the pulsating boils all over your face and quadruple chins?? 

             

Yes, Bess that is what you really look like.  I know you've avoided the mirror for years but that is precisely the problem.  How do you expect to keep Trevor once his acne clears and when his balls drop and he becomes a decent looking, highly intelligent nerd man?  Don't you know that beautiful women end up with those type of guys once they've whored themselves through the entire football team and finally realizing that each of them are as dumb and arrogant as the rest?  If and when he realizes one of those women want his package, don't you think he's going to run as fast as he can from you?  

Oh, I get it! He's a virgin and he has to "settle" and use you for practice.  That makes perfect sense Bess.  Who else would let him practice on him?  He really is unattractive but I can see the handsome nerd he'll someday be.  A nerd marrying a super model after ditching his high school sweet heart when he realizes what a hideous troll she truly is...

If you no longer wish to be one then you have to make changes and a hell of a lot of them! 

I wish he could just love me for me and let me be who I was born to be.  Personality counts and I wish he could just love that and accept me as a person. 

Yeah, I don't see that happening.  Maybe for a little while but it won't last forever.  Don't get your hopes up.  No such bullshit as Prince Charming and if there were then you must know they only fall in love with princesses or beautiful maids that were MEANT to be princesses.  Know what happens to the ugly step sisters?  They get made fun of and turn into old, uglier than before cat ladies. 

It's your future, get used to it. 

I've already begun naming your cats... the first will be Oreo, named after your first and only pet you've ever had.  Rest in Peace dear Oreo... I'm so sorry that Bess' dad ran you over with the lawn mower.  If only he weren't an ignorant alcoholic with sexy biceps…