Is Udder Size Important?

IS UDDER SIZE IMPORTANT ?
The latest fad to sweep the bovine world is cowsmetic surgery. Specifically, I am mooing about the alarming increase in the number of cows having udder augmentation via silicone implants. Many small uddered cows feel that this is needed to satisfy their bullfriends and increase their milk productivity. To all this I say phooey! Any bull who doesn't love you for what you are isn't worth a roll in the hay. And any cow who thinks an udder full of silicone will increase her milk production is just plain dumb.

The noted sexpert Dr. Hugh Heifer has just written a most interesting article in this month's Playbull entitled, "A Cow Is Only As Good As Her Udder." This explicit article attempts to explain our new found obsession with udder size. Dr. Heifer states that high and low self-esteem is developed when we are breast fed as calves. A well running teat and full udder during nursing produces high self-esteem while a dry teat and empty udder during nursing produces low self-esteem. He concludes that the current crop of "Falsie Bossies" all suffer from "Dry Teat Syndrome" and are now augmenting themselves because of those early calfhood mammaries. To all this I say double phooey!

Once again it is the fault of humanunkind for this stupid and sick obsession with udder size. They are a species that judges one by appearance and by how much one can produce. They let the big uddered bovines who produce the most milk live and slaughter the small uddered at the drop of a milk pail. No wonder that our cowspitals are backed up with cows loudly demanding silicone enhanced udders. But come back to reality Bossy! If the meaning of life were appearances and profitability we would have been born with a compact and a cashier's check from the Great Udder sticking out of our butts.

As the rapper MC Vanilla Ice Cream Cone sings, "Your body is a temple, let me come inside and worship you. Hay baby don't go changing your udder, I like you just the way you are." So bovines graze proudly at your bodies in the mirror of life and love yourself for who and what you are. Ignore the Silicone Valley call for artificial enhancement.

Bulless you bovines. As usual there is not much to eat up here on Mount Moo. I will probably order some Moo Goo Gai Pan from the local Chinese restaurant. By the way you can order my new book of Cud Meditations by sending $10 to Guru Moo, Mount Moo, Chattel, Switzerland. Sorry no C.U.D. orders accepted. May your mouth and udders always be full. Until next time?