The Runners Game

a hollow tale with the feeling to match

i'm falling from the sky

the ashes drip down

with the lines of the wind

and the blue flames of remembrance 

burn the air i am suffocating

burn my eyes

 

fill me with scars

just to remember for another moment

just to let me feel

wear my skin 

the one i choose to don now

cut it off 

cut it off 

CUT IT OFF !!!

CUT IT OFF !!!!!!!!!

KILL WHO I AM NOW

KILL WHO I WAS THEN

LET THE BLOOD DRIP AWAY

AND LEAVES IT MARKS

I CAN'T WASH IT AWAY

I CAN'T WASH IT AWAY

I CAN'T LET THESE THOUGHT STAY 

I CAN'T WASH IT AWAY

THIS BLOODSTAINED TATTOO

IT'S SINKING DEEPER INSIDE 

A MARK IN THE DAY

THE MAW OF THE NIGHT

I'M BEING CONSUMED 

REPURPOSED

WORTH LESS THAN WORTHLESS 

HAND OF THE CURSED 

THE TOUCH OF THE DAMNED

GIVE ME ONE REASON 

WHY I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS SOUL TREASON

WHY I HAVE TO THINK THESE THINGS

WHY I HAVE TO BE WHO I AM

WHY I CAN'T JUST BURN IT AWAY

WHY I CAN'T THINK FOR MYSELF

WHY I CAN'T NOT SEE ANYTHING PAST THE LINES

WHY WE HAVE TO SUFFER

FOR A CHOICE WE DIDN'T MAKE

WHY EVERYDAY WE WAIT FOR OUR SOULS TO QUAKE

WHY SOMEDAY WE KNOW WE WILL BREAK

WHY WE KNOW THE DAY WILL NOT SATE

WHY WE WAKE UP KNOWING IT WILL BE THE SAME

WHY WE KNOW WE WILL JUST TRY TO BLAME 

WHY WE KNOW WE WILL FEEL THIS SHAME

IN THIS RUNNER GAME 

CAN YOU FEEL MY PAIN !!!

CAN YOU FEEL MY F*****G SHAME !!!!!

I RUN AWAY EVERY GOD DAMN DAY !!!

JUST RUNNING AWAY

FROM FATE 

BLAME 

PAIN 

HATE

I AM JUST RUNNING FROM THE GAME

I AM JUST RUNNING FROM THE GAME

BECAUSE I KNOW IT WILL END UP THE SAME

NO MATTER WHAT I F*****G DO IN THIS GODDAMN GAME

I WON'T FEEL RIGHT INSIDE

I WON'T SUDDENLY NOT WANT TO DIE

I WON'T SUDDENLY NOT WANT TO CRY

I WON'T SUDDENLY NOT WANT TO HIDE

I AM LIVING AT THE MERCY OF THE MOMENT

I AM NOT MY EMOTIONS

BUT MY EMOTIONS CONTROL IT

SHIFTING SO MUCH F*****G SHIFTING

UNSTABLE UNABLE

UNWILLING UNFULFILLING

WAITING IS MY DRUG OF CHOICE

CHAINED TO A WAVE

I AM MY MINDS SLAVE

IT'S B***H ON CALL

CHAINED TO ITS WALLS

CAN'T SEE THE OTHER SIDE

I CAN'T SEE AHEAD 

I CAN'T GET OUT OF MY HEAD

I WISH I WAS F*****G DEAD

PLEASE KILL ME

PLEASE KILL ME 

MY DAILY PLEA

I ALWAYS FLEE

I CAN'T STAND IT FEELS SO WEIRD

IT WOULD BE SO MUCH EASIER IF I DISAPPEARED

WOULD IT REALLY WOULD IT REALLY THOUGH

I DON'T F*****G KNOW 

BUT I DON'T KNOW WHERE ELSE TO GO

TRAPPED IN THIS ENDLESS SHOW

WOULD IT EVEN MATTER IN THE END

WOULD I EVEN CARE

INDIFFERENT BUT NOT

THERE MUST HAVE BEEN SOMETHING MY SOUL SOUGHT

NOT ANYMORE I SAY 

BUT WHAT DO I KNOW

I CAN'T EVEN GET OUT A FEW WORDS

OR REMEMBER THOSE DAYS I USED TO CARE

IF THERE WERE ANY 

I LEFT THEM BACK THERE

THE DAY I WENT HOLLOW

BURIED INSIDE 

A CORPSE IN A BODY

WITH A SKIN TO HIDE

COLD LIFELESS

LIKE THE SCAR 

OF THAT FAILED DAY

THE ONE WHERE I COULD HAVE ENDED IT BEFORE I ENDED UP THIS WAY

WHEN I COULD STILL REMEMBER WHY I TRIED

AND FOUGHT THESE FEELINGS OF WANTING TO DIE

NOW THE WORDS JUST CLOUD MY HEAD TRYING BLUDGEON ME UNTIL I AM DEAD

BUT I ALREADY AM SO WHATS THERE TO FINISH

WHAT DO YOU NEED OF ME IT'S ALREADY YOURS

LEAVE ME BE TO MY CORNER SO I CAN ENDLESSLY WAIT FOR THE THING THAT MIGHT SATE

NOTHING... MY HOLLOW RITE

My Fate....

Reviews

[Ted Kniffen]

Chris, this is one powerful piece of writing. I can feel the pain and the angst and the anger. it took me back to those feelings I had as a young man, when the struggle was constant. A daily battle to overcome those crippling thoughts. I'll tell you, this is what writing is about. We don't write for others, we write for ourselves, to alleviate the pain. If a reader is moved, so be it. Good write.

[TheAimlessWanderer]

i just wrote what i feel i want to care less about what people think of me like you said deep down i write for me i don't want that to be something deep down i want it to be the reason not just in writing but how and why i live my life i want to be able to vent without feeling guilty i want to be able to say what is on my mind without calculations and predictions of what will occur i wan't to live my life unbounded by need for others approval i wan't to live life without feeling guilty or having thoughts of suicide because of the past corroding away my present moments i want to be able to express myself without putting other first i want to not feel like a hypocrite when i speak i want to stop caring so much about failing i want to stop feeling like there is so many things wrong with me because all the labels i have had placed on me all my life and i want people to stop treating me differently like if i get angry i am going to going to hurt someone or why i am a little different or act and think the way i do is because of some labels from some person who does not know s**t about me and since that is not going to happen because i cannot change how others feel or think i just don't want to give a s**t and just enjoy life without feeling like i am endlessly being dragged down by everything that has ever happened.

[costa siwale]

Incredibly intense, fantastic, I found myself enraged by the description of the your state of being, that's poetry. Fantastic write!

[Sapientiam]

You're right... You can't just burn away these dark and consuming emotions. They will always be there, haunting every living step. But... That doesn't mean you have to give in. People are defined by how they fight adversities, not by how adversities fought them. Pain makes us stronger, though, it is not something people desire to endure, which is completely understandable. I won't say I understand how you feel because to be honest, I don't. However, I think you writing this proves how strong you are and that you are very much alive. I mean, when you left, my motivation in being here dwindled... And if you actually died, I would have lost more motivation. This poem spoke from your soul and I congratulate you on how deep it is.

By the way, nice to have you back!

[TheAimlessWanderer]

it is just how i feel or am don't know what to say i am not good with relationships and i tend to try to act funny against my will so people won't shun me or think me strange it always ends up the opposite lol but i guess it is better than having dark thoughts spewing out of my mouth all the time that would be a real drag guess that is tiny bit of the reason why i write beside trying to find who i am and why i exist i am not deep i just have too much time to think i wish i didn't and i am not strong as the poem states writing is a way for me to run from life a glorified escape route one that i can't seem to run from which is ironic pain only makes you stronger if you can learn from it and apply it if you believe in nothing it does you no good because even your own thoughts don't really feel like they are a part of you so they hold no value which is such a paradox that confounds me because i realize how impossible that seems there is too much clutter for me to form a coherent explanation and while it sucks that you lost your motivation when i left i can't do anything about it i have to live my life so do you if anything realize i am an utterly minuscule part of it not even worth the loss of motivation

[Sapientiam]

Keep writing, then. Write until you finally find yourself. Even if your thoughts are drenched in melancholy, write. You deserve that chance. And, I mean it when I say you deserve it. ^ ^

[TheAimlessWanderer]

i am sorry for lashing out at you. I don't know what came over me, i am depressed a lot but i usually try to keep my feelings in check and not lash out at people who did nothing wrong. It was wrong of me i am sorry, i feel quite guilty now that my reason is starting to come back i hope i did not offend you too much. I really appreciate it when we get to read each others stuff, i find a connection in a lot of things you write. It really resonates with me, you have such unique sense of creativity, I can see a smile creeping across my face when i read some or your things and other ones i can feel such deep pain well up inside me, making me cry or want to cry. That is really special, so thank you for saying i deserve it and your heartfelt replies. I am extremely confused by my emotions, so it hard to say things to people for me ,because sometimes i don't even realize my own intention behind it but i can still just thank you for caring about me as that gratitude is quite a clear feeling for me right now (: