I am stuck anyway

write another poem add it to the muck

it's hardening 

and i know i am quite stuck

my feet firmly planted in the land of possibilities

but dreams just don't make things happen 

so i am just grasping

on something i know not to be real

i just want to feel

feel like maybe i can dream too

and maybe for a second believe it too

my minds arresting

questioning

attesting

digressing 

digesting

everything thing i say

feel 

think

i think i am on the brink

just suppressing

not letting it out

feeling like shouting no words come out

just text

another pile

just bile

 

vile

not left with a hint a smile

still writing

only thing that can make me seem like i am dreaming

but i know i am just leaving everything back there

i can feel its stare on the daily 

everyday it is trying to assail me

accost me

but i am boxed in 

i wont let myself out

just like my shout 

just more words that will never come out

i feel like i can write endlessly 

but it is just another pointless tragedy 

maybe i shouldn't take everything so seriously

but i feel that may just be a part of me 

always try to mix and fix the things that i see 

mend and bend my mind the sea 

unacceptable outcome 

unacceptable

i can't seem to accept 

what others would say i have still got left

it feels like a lie to keep just keep on biding time

just another excuse to go nowhere

just another excuse to run away

just another excuse to let my mind prey

just another acceptance of nonacceptance

just another grave for me to lay

well that fine then i am stuck anyway...

Reviews

[Sapientiam]

Please don't give up hope... Just because you are stuck now doesn't mean you will remain that way forever. Your present state does not determine your future and it shouldn't... Though, I can relate to most of this. I'm sure many people, if not everyone, has been in a similar situation. The path to peace starts when we accept our circumstances and learn from our downfalls. It's not easy, but it's possible...

[TheAimlessWanderer]

thank you very much sapientiam for the words of encouraging words and insight it makes me feel a little better i wish no one could relate though when life feels meaningless yet your so hard on yourself all the same for no reason just biding time for the end because you are to cowardly to end it yourself or it just to much of a pain you question whether all thoughts and feeling are really yours and if they will be accepted by everyone else but yourself you are so detached you can't differentiate anymore all of life feels like a chore more pain and fragile glass shores waiting break and bleed me some more so all i can do now is look out the door for fear guides my actions and binds me to floor the darkest recess where light seems to shine no more and fear writes my internal lore a score for darkness to lay claim now all that is left is crushing self blame my responsibility ,my shame

[Sapientiam]

Hm... Perhaps you could learn from darkness. After all, we must acknowledge our weaknesses to understand growth and strength.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

This is quite relatable to me... For years I thought I couldn't write what I felt and it took a long time to figure that out that however lousy it maybe I should keep the pen loose on paper.. This is good work here. I liked reading this...

[TheAimlessWanderer]

i am still discovering new things everyday and defining myself differently my infinite variability i will not choose to fight i will just let it flow even if it seems off kilter your comment helped me realize it was alright just to be me even if i can diverge constantly on emotion level i love your analogy and i am so glad you related to this and enjoyed it (: thank you for reading and reviewing !

[Dr. YumnaKay]

You are so welcome! It was a pleasure reading this... :)

[Ted Kniffen]

A good rant, Chris. Any writer worth his salt has felt this way more than once, even old geezers who have been scribbling for 60 years know it. Writing is a lonely pursuit that most people don't understand. Oh, they know it exists, they just don't know why. We on the other hand are compelled to jot down anything that comes to mind. It's like the old saying, "if you're going to write garbage, write it well" No time to get down on yourself, you're doing quite well. Good rant, good write.

[TheAimlessWanderer]

ted thank you for taking the time to read and review this poem your comment really inspired me life is what inspires me to both write negative and positive things sometimes it leans more one way but i realize that and let it because i am in despair hanging by a thread and could care less then there are those days where i am absolutely upbeat and ready to pick myself up again because fear and expectation and pain if you fear something you have already gone through it without needing to experience it you torture yourself already so there is no point in it expectation is similar if truly expect to get anywhere words and repeating patterns and actions at infinitum and expecting to feel better even if you don't realize yourself your stuck on the same old road pain is caused by something you have already experienced or are experiencing so what is the point in putting the conscious effort forward and acknowledging it even when you are completely distraught rarely do you not grasp at something even if it is just a fleeting sense or feeling barely perceivable even if it does not seem like it is there people are fluid and can change anything even the compete lack of all desire and joy that comes with true depression in fact just reaching out just proves their is still something there wanting needing to live to be recognized to be acknowledged or just to be completely content as you were even if that definition is completely different to others we make all the choices in life they are rarely ever easy but our actions and consequences were ares to make but they do not as a whole we define ourselves in every moment we live that is the philosophy i have decided to live behind even if only for today so i can spare myself some peace my own peace thank you for brightening up my day again (:

[Nisreen]

I can relate to every single word
Great job !!!

[TheAimlessWanderer]

i am glad that you could relate to my vent thanks for reading and reviewing though it would be nicer if no one had to glad you enjoyed it !

[Jaybee23]

very discombobulated towards the end, maybe intentionally? this strikes a chord with me because I too am a dreamer. Keep dreaming wide awake and sleeping... Dreamers will find their sanctuary eventually. thumbs up :)

[TheAimlessWanderer]

yeah it was a vent probably makes little sense to others but i am glad you kind of liked it thanks for the review.