If Only It Wasn't So Dark

Christophers reaction to Isabella being taken away.

CHRISTOPHER


        It was as if he had taken a sharp, wooden dagger and shoved it through my chest; leaving me to die an upmost painful death. My world was closing in on the sight of the car driving away. I watch her eyes; watch as she drifts back into the state in which I found her. Every part of my Isabella was fading; within her as well as the car she was trapped inside.


Her father was full of hatred and pure evil. I've never met a man with such a persona. It was as if he enjoyed seeing his daughter in pain. His eyes were transfixed on her pain, desiring to see the death of all peace within her.


All I could think to do was to kill while the man was in my presence. He was killing my Isabella. She was losing herself to her shield; protecting herself once more from the outside. I had been lucky. I got to see how beautiful and genuine her soul is. I'd do just about anything to see it again.


The little black car fades out of the distance. She's gone; ripped right from my arms and taken from my life. The sudden impact of pavement to my knees sends a shock throughout my body. I feel the world slipping from my own grasp; a darkness surrounding. I focus on the disappearing road ahead of me as it closes in.



I'm slipping�



I'm gone.




Around me there is sound. A murmur here, a hum there; constant noise circling my head. But I don't
hear a single word. My thoughts are totally absorbed by my mission to forget that I'm here. I know that they wonder. I've seen the looks but I pay them no bother.



How does he get by�?



It's been exactly one month. The image of her is still clear as day in my mind. I recall the first day we spoke; how I watched her from afar, twirling a strand of her brunette hair around her finger as she sat off in thought. She was beautiful and, like a bandit, stole my heart with ease. I'm not willing to let go.


The administrative office came through with the scholarship; a full ride for the rest of her high school years as well as a pending college scholarship, depending on graduation. That was the first and only day I was happy since she was taken from me. I thought for sure within days I'd be holding her again.


It seems Mr. St James had declined this offer. Either that or somehow never received notice. Isabella did not return to me, like I had hoped. Where she is now, I am unsure. But I wish to find her; to save her.



If only it wasn't so dark�



I now feel as if I understand. I can see a small glimpse of how terrifying life was for Isabella. Living in a constant shadow of doubt, I'm unable to trust a single soul. I fear they will only provide me with more pain.


When I do sleep, it's filled with nightmares. I see her face, drowning in the shadows. She's all I can see; and she's always taken from me in the end. I'll wake up in cold sweat, screaming her name. She was my life, one in which I cannot seem to get back.


I wished for her; wished for her and prayed for her. When I got her, I was scared. When I touched her, I felt hope. When I lost her, I lost myself. I lost myself entirely and fell into this constant state of mind; an Isabella filled state of mind.


I'm not sure what to do. I cannot live like this forever, but I'm afraid of what might happen if I let my guard down again. The pain of losing Isabella is not something I'm willing to let happen to my poor and sickened heart once more.


I think I'd rather stay here, safe and sound, within myself. I think I'd rather stay sheltered than let myself become as vulnerable as I once was. Life is too fragile to toy with; this is what I have learned. You've got to pick your battles wisely. My last battle was one I lost. I'm wounded and it looks as if I'm down for good.

Author's Note

I'm sorry it took so long for me to get back into the swing of this book. I think I'll be updating more frequently. I fell in love with this story all over again and I hope you all will find it just as loveable. Please tell me all your thoughts.