A Murderer

something im sure you probabaly didn't expect.

CHRISTOPHER

        I watched closely as she began to speak. It was unbelievable. I wasn’t sure if I was really awake. This was dreamlike.. unreal. Almost torturous to let her continue. I could see the pain she had to ignore to let herself open up to me.

        First, she spoke of her mother. “She was my only true friend.” She admits. Her eyes flicker to mine every few seconds. She cannot hold the contact; not without loosing her control. “She lost her life to a drunk driver when I was little.” Isabella’s body trembles, slightly. She seems to lose her focus, her mind wandering, her voice muting itself while she drifts away from me.

        “You miss her, don’t you?” What a question to ask. A sob escapes her fragile body and she nods. She focuses on the carpet, her eyes piercing each fiber, never straying towards mine again. Her fists begin to curl, her knuckles turning white. I realize I need to keep her talking, before she gets hurt.

        “That isn’t the only reason you’re unhappy..” I pry, attempting to revive her sweet, melody of a voice. She wipes her eyes, taking a breath. Her head slowly shakes, proving that I’m also right here, in this situation. I don’t like being right. “I was an accident.” She whispers, pulling her knees closer to her chest, resting her porcelain cheek to her leg, her eyes focused on me; my shirt, not my eyes.

        Once again, a small tremble escapes and makes a journey down her spine. “My family didn’t want me; they resented me; hated me..” I struggle to hear her speak, yet understand every word. She breathes in deep, cleansing her thoughts, releasing her stress; only a slight amount. “And then I caused my mothers death.”

        I was caught off guard by her final statement. “You said she got hit by a drunk driver..” I say, wishing she’d explain. Not being able to fathom the possibility she had anything to do with such an occurrence. “She was on her way to get me..” She begins, her voice slightly higher; yet not enough. “I was the reason she was driving.. It was my fault. It shouldn‘t have been. I shouldn‘t have been alive.” She says, her voice shaking with each explanation.

        “Isabella, you can’t think that way.” I say, suddenly understanding. She believed it was her fault. Her mothers death. “It wasn’t your fault.” I say, and she sobs again. Her body giving in; her tears running like waterfalls. “I shouldn’t have been alive!” She nearly shouts.

        “Did your family tell you that?” I ask, quietly, trying to calm her down. “Of course they did! They never lied to me, they just told me the truth! I killed her!” She cries, and my heart breaks. It crumbles in my chest, breaking up into little pieces and begins to wear away at my own strength. “Isabella, you did not kill her.” I say, calmly, reassuringly, but it’s no use.

        She’s been broken, and I don’t know if anything I say will help her. “I shouldn’t have been alive.. I still shouldn’t.. I’m a menace.. A murderer..” She begins to whisper, crying to herself and shaking her head; disgusted with herself. She honestly believes she caused her mothers death.

        I find myself unable to speak, frozen by her emotions. The problem I’ve been searching for is right in front of me and I’m not even strong enough to solve it; to even try to piece it together. The girl that I’ve spent the majority of my time searching in, studying.. I can’t even help.

        She pushes herself from the floor, after the silence has had a chance to settle. “You need to go.” She says, wiping her eyes. I stutter a mixture of sounds as I get to my feet. “Isabella..” I say, the only clear noise I can make. “Now.” She says, hurrying to her door. She’s regretting this. Now is my only chance to salvage it, but all I can think to do is get out. Get out and think it through, think everything through. But if I do, I know she’ll never let me back in.

        She turns away from me, wiping her eyes, settling her fragile body. I open my mouth to speak, but cannot think of one word to say. “Please,” Her voice is subtle, quiet. “Just go.” Her eyes come back to mine. “Is-Isabella..” I say, running a hand through my hair, forcing myself to think.

        Of all times for my mind to escape me. “Christopher.. you don’t want to get involved with me.” Her tone was warning, advising. I know she‘s praying I leave, wanting me to. But how can I? But what do I say, in order to stay? “I shouldn’t have let this happen.” She says. I shake my head, disagreeing, wanting nothing but to hold her, take away the pain.. kill the b******s that made her this way. But I can’t form my thoughts into words, actions.

        “Just go.” Her voice rings in my ears, making no sense to my emotions. Yet, my feet listen. Before I can think it through, or make sense of what I want to do, I’m half way down the hall. I can’t even force myself to look back. Regretful, I continue forward, wanting to turn around but struggling against the pull of gravity taking me down the stairs. I blew it, I know, and as my insides rip apart, her name, her voice ring loud in my ears. But I continue towards my escape, my way out of what I know I’m not strong enough to handle.

Author's Note

please tell me exactly what you think. every good thought and every bad thought.

Reviews

[Camille K.]

WOW! it's so emotion packed, it's amazing! i'm going to read it all through, even though i didn't really want to cos, i was busy writing my own. i REALLY LOVE IT!! such a good way to start and such a good way to write. YOU'RE AMAZING!!!
xxx

[Farrah Grahm]

I really love the emotion in this chapter. My only suggestion is watch the repition. Purpsoseful repitition, keep. But just read over it once and try and keep the fluidity I've noticed constant.
I like this. I really like the emotion coming from Christopher. good work

[Martina]

Love this! Don't have anything else to say but just keep up the good work! (Saying this alot cause that is really all I have to say)

[anneliese]

this is just filled with emotions from both characters. i really enjoy this book, this story that you are making come alife with your words. Great Job!!