Promesa

Contemplating ever changing landscapes shrouded with uncertainty, riddled in self doubt, overpowered by the burden I carry daily, gradually I crumble, struggling to provide the life this household deserves.

I am grateful for you.

I am grateful for our children.

I am grateful for our home.

Placed in a predicament I promised never to experience, broke, ignorant, and unimportant, clueless to how I arrived here, seeking to withdraw further into myself, I hide in plain sight, endlessly attacked by disappointment and shame, confidence yearning for salvation.

Heart weak, clouded mind, distracted choices, disoriented journey, lacking discipline, forfeited faith, with twisted theory, the world moves faster and faster as I fall further behind, scrambling more , sinking deeper, like quicksand.

On the brink of madness, a victim of fallacious influence, buried by negative ideas, unable to break the cycle, constantly measuring myself against others, self analysis is my demise. Confronted with the man I am and the man I want to be, dissatisfied with the reflection in the mirror, I grave self-efficacy, wishing for locus of control.

I beg for your patience,

plead for your compassion,

implore your guidance,

and pray for your forgiveness.     

Currently hollow, in need of time, I will regain my strength and continue the fight, I will never surrender, a better life, in a better world, with a better man.

This is my promise to you.

Reviews

[Ted Kniffen]

A truly brilliant lament and one which most men, husband, father, bread-winner can understand. We all will or have walked in those shoes. Doubt is an emotion almost all of us have felt at one time or another, and it can be damned hard to move out from under its shadow. Good luck. Good writing.

[Phillip Francis]

Thank you for the kind words Ted, and of course for taking the time to read my work.

[RBrmdz]

This was so captivating from the very first few words and keeps you throughout. The picture you painted realy brings the reader through the emotions. You hit on so many truths. ART.

[Phillip Francis]

Thank you for taking the time to read my work.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

such self effacing---but the promise, the hope of the speaker pulling himself together...he has lots to fight for....he needs to create his own salvation so that he may protect the ones he loves.

this is heartbreaking....but in the end, he summons strength within himself...and there is still hope...

i like the promise.

j.

[Phillip Francis]

your review is truly humbling. Thank you Jacob.