Street Lamp

Frozen lighted limb

Blinks for lack of sustenance

Screams of collision

Author's Note

Tonight was my first try at haiku..any pointers?

Reviews

[i.am.the.sun.]

the form of a Haiku is still being fought over and discussed in the western world. they originated in Japan and it's true, they should have 5,7,5 (or at least that's the idea) syllables, however... Japanese words use what are called "Onji" and are much much shorter than our idea of syllables to construct their words. so while we might make a perfect haiku to us, it could be a ridiculous mouthful for someone studied in japanese poetry. all of that is beside the point though....
this would really be a Senryu, since although it's talking about a streetlamp (which is a bit of a stretch from the 'nature' theme haikus are supposed to have anyways) it's written about a human carcrash or whathaveyou, which would be a Senryu.
as something just to read, this is very... almost serene... that might be a bit morbid but whatever. the alliteration in the first line might take away from it though. :) for all intents and purposed this is a great write, just thought i'd give you a bit of a poetry lesson :P

[sushi]

A beautiful write. I could relate it to human life. If the light of ambition dies, then the whole life looses its very meaning. Similarly, a confused mind results in collision with undesired fields.

[Judy Ponceby]

Very well done, very visual. :)

[Poeticadia]

This haiku presents a clear visual image... the street lamp runs out of electricity and causes the collision... if i have understood it correctly. I like the turn in the last line, it give the haiku the depth that suggests more than the sum of its words.