CFS

I am

a rusty barrel.

Filled to the brim

with guilt, the

murky, unresolved

religious self-hatred

that oxidizes my edges

and weakens my ability

to love. 

I am a derelict home.

With a pumice foundation

and particle board beams,

I was never given the tools

to make it to twenty-five.

You handed me s**t, and

commanded me to

construct a shelter.

I built one,

but I built it to protect

myself from you.

It's insane you ever thought

I was okay.

I am a tree lost in the storm.

You gave me branches,

but no roots.

You placed me in

a dark room,

with a light you picked

from your favorite book,

and told me it was the sun.

I twisted and contorted

to reach what you told me

was life,

and now the slightest wind

threatens to unearth me. 

You told me I was wrong,

when I was just me.

You taught me to hate myself,

and that was the one lesson

I learned well.