A Bouquet of Roses

A girl haunted by a boy with roses.

Bouquets of roses. That’s all Ellie sees. They’re everywhere. They are by the door to greet the people coming in. They are on tables, as if trying to make such a dark and sad place seem less so. They are well intentioned, but they taunt Ellie.  They bring back the memory she has been trying to suppress.  They memory she has unsuccessfully tried to force to the back of her mind.

There are other types of flowers of course. Her own family had brought lilies.  But Ellie only notices the roses.  The painful roses.

Ellie slowly takes another step forward as the line of people crawls through the room.  She doesn’t want to be here.  Anywhere but here.

She looks around at the other people in the room.  She recognises a fair amount of the faces from school.  It makes her sick, looking at them.  Feigning misery and sadness, claiming that he was “such a  great friend” when they probably didn’t even know his name until the school assembly.  They don’t deserve to be here.

But then again neither does Ellie. Although she doesn’t try to hide it.

The line moves forward.  She can see it now. Just a few more steps until she has to look at him. Well, what remains of him. When can she disappear?

Another step forward.

It’s made of dark, shiny wood, fitting for such a purpose. The lid stands straight up, revealing a creamy silk interior.  On either side of the coffin are flowers.

Of course. Roses.

Ellie is only a few steps away now. She braces herself and tries not to think about it. About that night.  The night that will stay with her forever.

She stops short when the body comes into view. Ellie takes a deep breath.  She can’t make a scene. She keeps walking.

She doesn’t want to look at Robby.  She wants to look straight ahead, pretend that he’s not there. Pretend that she doesn’t have this guilt weighing upon her.

She fails. She can’t peel her eyes away.

He’s dressed in a charcoal gray suit, something most people are not accustomed seeing on him. In life he typically didn’t stray far from his usual outfit of a graphic tee and jeans.

Her eyes move farther up the body and find his face.  His shaggy air is neatly combed, and his eyes are closed and peaceful.  More peaceful than they have ever looked, especially on that night..

No, Ellie thinks sharply. Don’t think about it, don’t think about it, don’t think about it..

But she is brought back anyway.

It was Friday, just a few days before. Ellie sat on her couch, the television blaring in front of her, a bag of Doritos in hand.  She was finally unwinding after a long week at school.

The doorbell rang. Not unusual. Probably just to sign for a package or something.

But when she opened the door, there’s no UPS man. Instead, a guy was on the porch.  His hands were behind his back, and he looked nervous.  He had shaggy brown hair, covering a large portion of his face.

Ellie had seen him before.  He was in her English class. He didn’t talk much, but because Ellie was a typically friendly person, she said good morning to him and sometimes talked about the book they were currently reading in class. His name was Robby.

“Hi...Robby right?” Ellie said tentatively, still taken aback at his unexpected appearance on her porch.

“Yeah,” he replied. “Hi Ellie.” He smiled and Ellie could see some color come to his cheeks.

“Uh, what can I help you with?” Ellie asked. What was he even doing here? How did he know where she lived??

He shifted his weight from side to side on his ratty old sneakers, his eyes darting to the ground.

“Well,” he started, “I was wondering if...maybe...we could go out sometime?” His eyes met hers- they were large and pleading.

Ellie didn’t respond right away.  She was still processing. But she regained her ground quickly.

“Look Robby, I don’t think you’re exactly my type.” It came out harsher than she thought it would. She tried again.

“I’m sure you’re a nice and person and everything, but I don’t think it would work out...we’re just so...different.”

His eyes were on her again. They were sad now.  But there was also a hint of something else, something that Ellie couldn’t quite place.

Robbie abruptly straightened up. “What? So you think I’m not good enough you?” There was a fire in his eyes.

Well, that was what Ellie was thinking. She was well known and well liked at school. She had good friends and a good name for herself.  Robby was... well he was one of those weird kids that most people avoided. Being with him or being close to him in general wouldn’t look good.  She had to think of her reputation.

She shrugged her shoulders apologetically. “I’m sorry.”

Robby’s eyes didn’t lose their fire, but there was still that something else in them.  It wasn’t until later that Ellie realised what it was. Defeat.

“I thought you were different,” he said quietly. He threw whatever he was holding behind his back on the hard cement of the porch and walked back into the cool spring night.  It was the last time she saw him alive.

Ellie looked down to see what he threw.

A bouquet of roses.

They found him in his room the next morning.

There was no way Ellie could have known about his bad home life. His depression. His bad memories. The people who made his life miserable. That he had been contemplating this for months. That he was on the edge of falling. She couldn’t do much about that.

But the question that would haunt her forever remained. What if? Had she been kinder, had she not turned him down so coldly, would he still be here? Was any reputation worth a life? Was her reputation worth Robby? Robby, the quiet boy in English class. Robby, the boy with the troubled soul.  Robby, the boy with the bouquet of roses.