The Day I Wasn't There

I wake up invisible.

I wake up and walk to the kitchen, mom is sitting and using her breathing machine.  I make a cup of coffee, grab it and start walking back to my room.  Mom screams, I turn to see, hear doors fling open and family dashing.  Moving closer, she screams on, to find the problem.  Everyone gets in the room behind me, asking what's going on.  Mom just points at my coffee cup, all we see is my coffee cup.  WAIT, all I see is the CUP, were is my hand, my arm, ME.  The cup shatters I'm half way out the door, for the next ten minutes I run around the yard cursing.  Walk back in, no one cleaned the mess, mom is on th phone sounds like the cops.  I walk over and push the disconnect button, She puts it down and says "it just died".  The sister opens her cell phone, I grab the sugar pot, pour it on the floor between them and write my name in it.  One boy walks back the hall, comes back and tells them I'm not back there.  The other boy says "dead"?  I write NO I think?  And touch his shoulder, after all I didnt feel dead.  The next few hours were filled with questions and me writing answer, I pen and paper and had someone clean the sugar, coffee, and glass up.  Dad got home, sat down and asked for a cup of coffee.  I already had it started, snatched it up and walked it right out out in front of him then deposited the cup on the table next to the chair.  Never seen my father turn ghost white before, stepped over and nudged mom.  She started explaining, he cut her off after she said it's your son,"dead" he muttered.  "No he doesn't think so" she said.  He relaxed and took a pull of coffee.  He had all the same questions, they answered for me so my hand got a break.  I decided I didn't want anyone else knowing and scribbled down Don't tell anyone if they see something or bump in to me or whatever just tell them the house is haunted, by a vary nice ghost.

Reviews

[Nicholas Whitney]

Dude, your syntax is in need of repair and your grammar is off but damnit this is a good story. I'm not kidding around, it's prose, close to poetry. I want to talk to you about how much of this is intentional. "The Sister" "A boy". It's as if the subject of the story has already begun to move away and lose his inner self along with his physical body. He's not capable of recognizing with any amount of detail. Seriously, sorry I haven't been on in awhile but you need to call me and let me know when you get something written. We can clean this up in no time and you can start showing it off. Call me when you get this review and we'll talk more.

[Salvatore Buttaci]

Let me say this: for someone who claims he's not a writer, just somebody who likes to create, you surely can write well! Your story moves smoothly along and is interesting. The only comment I would make is that if you tell a story in the present tense, keep it that way and don't switch to past tense.

[imawriter]

Your grammar and spelling needs a tiny bit of polish. But I love ghost stories and this one is a good one!