Part 2, Chapter 3, of RFV.

                                                         THREE

 

    Half an hour later, having reached Uhuruland and entered its atmosphere……

    “Right, time to put the landing gear down,” Roger instructed.

    “What landing gear?” Boy Paddy asked.

    “You know…the wheels.”

    Boy Paddy laughed scornfully. “The wheels!? What d’you think this is �" a f*****g Boeing 747?”

    Roger flushed. “Okay, you do the landing bit.”

    “Hold on! Hold on!” Boy Paddy said. “We’ve jumped a bit in the story. The last part ended with us heading to this planet, now we’re landing on it. I wanted to do all the re-entry bit like lining up approach angle, activating retro-boosters, raising heat shields. All that technical stuff that sounds good but that nobody ever understands.”

    “Well let’s do it! I’ll tell you what, let’s take the story back till we’re outside the planet’s atmosphere, how’s that?”

    “Can we do that?”

    “Of course we can. I’m the main character in this story,” Roger said pompously, “and if I decide the story’s going back a bit then it is.”

    “Thanks Captain.”

    “Take us back out into space again,” the bold Roger commanded, “and then re-approach Uhuruland.”

    “Will do. Curving back into space…now!”

    “Hey, where the hell you cats goin!?” Cap’n Vernon yelled.

    “We’re taking the story back a bit so Boy Paddy, the Computer, can issue commands during the re-entry and landing phases,” Roger explained.

    “Sheeiitt!!” said Cap’n Vernon. “Okay man, were comin wit you. Doan’t you be tryin no escape.”

    A few minutes later after having curved out through space……

    “Approaching Uhuruland,” Boy Paddy announced. “Re-entry predicted in two minutes. Activating retro-boosters…now!”

    “Understood,” said Roger.

    “Strap in.”

    “Acknowledged…would you like me to say things like ‘understood’ and ‘acknowledged’?” Roger asked tentatively.

    “Yes please. It helps.”

    “You’re not nervous, are you?”

    “Well, just a bit,” Boy Paddy admitted. “These re-entries can be a bit tricky sometimes. You have to approach at just the right angle and speed. Lots of Ships burn up during this phase �" horrible singed bodies all over the place, the smell of burning flesh drifting around, people screaming as they die in agony.”

    Roger swallowed. Visions of himself as a charred and burning corpse floated across his head and he wished he was back at the start of the chapter.

    “Re-entry in fifteen seconds,” Boy Paddy announced. “Everything alright at present.”

    “Feeling a bit more confident?” Roger asked hopefully.

    “Well, so-so,” Boy Paddy replied. “Adjusting re-entry angle…ten seconds.”

    “I think you’re a pretty smart computer,” Roger said encouragingly. “I have every confidence in you.”

    “Thanks,” Boy Paddy said. “Five seconds, four, three, two, one…and re-entry achieved!”

    Roger cheered and applauded. Even Cap’n Vernon and Gunner Niggets joined in.

    “You see, I told you that you could do it!” Roger said, relieved that he wasn’t a charred corpse. “You’re a very smart computer.”

    “Oh thanks,” Boy Paddy replied modestly. “You know, you’re not such a bad chap yourself.”

    Roger smiled. “Do you think we could become friends then?” he asked hesitatingly.

    “I’d like that.”

    “And you’ll stop making fun of me?”

    “Yes yes.”

    “Well in that case we’ll probably appear in future stories together.”

    “Future stories? You mean there are more after this one?”

    “Oh I’m sure there--”

    Just then, Roger’s crystal ball gazing was halted as the Ship bumped gently on to the surface of Uhuruland.

    “Hey man, what the f**k are you cats up to?” Cap’n Vernon asked.

    “Er, I think we crashed just a little,” Roger explained sheepishly.

    “You know why, doan’t you?” Cap’n Vernon asked.

    “Why?”

    “You forgots to put your wheels down, man!”

    Cap’n Vernon and Gunner Niggets hee-hawed.

    Roger glanced over at Boy Paddy but he was muttering away to himself pretending to be extremely busy, checking his circuits and going over damage reports.

    Roger shook his head and unstrapped himself. “Well I suppose I’d better go and see what these people want,” he said. “I think I shall wear my floral smoking jacket,” he added. He slipped on his gaudy penman’s attire and admired himself in a mirror then made his way down to the Exit Bay.

    “Doors opening,” Boy Paddy told him.

    “Roger,” said Roger and stepped out.

    There was a small crowd there to meet him and he squinted at them in the bright sunlight.

    “Hey, dig whitey’s threads!” someone yelled.

    The crowd laughed and Roger, predictably, flushed.

    “Welcome to Uhuruland, witey!” boomed a resonant bass voice.

    Roger peered round at the crowd. “I say, you’re all black,” he observed.

    “An Ah suppose we all looks the same t’ you as well, witey!?” the bass voice asked.

    The crowd giggled appreciatively and there was an air of restrained expectancy about them. The owner of the bass voice, one Big Lucas, stepped forward. He was a huge man with thick curly black hair and he was wearing green army fatigues. An old fashioned silver pistol gleamed in his waist holster. He grinned and there was such complete confidence in the grin that Roger’s hysteria glands were activated.

    “Witey’s tremblin!” Big Lucas boomed. “An so he should be.” He strolled closer and looked Roger straight in the eye. “This the black mans world, wite boy. What you doin here?”

    “You brought me here,” Roger told him.

    “That’s because you invadin Uhuruland airspace. No wites allowed in the black man’s airspace or on the black man’s planet.”

    “Well in that case I’ll go.”

    Big Lucas grinned. “Course you’ll go, wite boy. We’ll all waves you goodbye.”

    The crowd giggled and slapped palms at that one.

    “Yessiree, we’ll all waves you goodbye…at your funeral…after we executin you!”

    The crowd fell about laughing and Roger, predictably, fainted.