Part 2, Chapter 2, of RFV.

                    TWO

 

    “Oh Roger darling, I have missed you so much!” Amanda purred. “Me and my big firm curvy breasts!” She unbuttoned her blouse, removed it and jutted the aforementioned items forwards.

    Lying on the bed, Roger grinned. He stared at Amanda’s big firm curvy breasts nestling in the twin hammocks of her silky black bra. “Bring them over to Daddy!” he commanded.

    Amanda smiled seductively. She slipped out of her short skirt, sashayed over and straddled him on the bed. She unhooked her bra and her big firm curvy breasts dangled invitingly above him.

    Roger reached up and cupped them. Or rather, he cupped the two balloons which Boy Paddy was dangling over him on his extendable arm.

    “I’ve brought them over to Daddy!” Boy Paddy muttered and sniggered as Roger’s balloon groping started to become more, shall we say, enthusiastic.

    “Dirty boy!” Boy Paddy reprimanded as his sensors detected a tent-like structure which was beginning to appear at the front of Roger’s dark blue Pilot’s trousers.

    Roger’s groping intensified. The tent grew taller.

    “Any second now!” Boy Paddy muttered gleefully.

    Roger groped Amanda’s big firm curvy balloons harder and BANG!! The two balloons burst!! Boy Paddy instantly retracted his extendable arm.

    Roger yelped, opened his eyes and sat up quickly. “I’ve just had this very strange dream,” he announced. He rubbed his eyes and stood up.

    “Obviously about Amanda,” Boy Paddy remarked. “Could you kindly desist from tenting in my presence?”

    Roger frowned. “Did you say, tenting? What d’you mean by that?”

    “Look down.”

    Roger glanced down and saw the give-away tent-like bulge at the front of his trousers, the structure having been erected by the recent fondling of Amanda’s balloons. He flushed and covered the tent with his hands.

    “Hey you cats on dat Ship!” a distinctly coloured chap’s voice announced over the bridge. “Reduce speed! We has you surrounded!”

    Roger frowned. “Cats?” he said. “What cats?” He looked round. “There aren’t any cats on the Ship, are there?”

    “Correct, Captain White,” Boy Paddy told him. “There are definitely no cats aboard.”

    “So what was that chap talking about?” Roger asked then his frown deepened. “Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Why didn’t you warn me about this other Ship?”

    “Ah yes, I tried to warn you but--”

    “Will you cats shut the f**k up an lissen!?” the voice cut in.

    “Right, I’ll handle this!” Roger announced firmly.

    “Carry on, Daddy,” muttered Boy Paddy.

    “Establish communications with the other Ship,” Roger instructed.

    “Communications open,” Boy Paddy told him.

    “Good. Ah hello other Ship, this is Fleet Captain White, whom am I addressing please?”

    “Cut the crap an lissen, whitey!” the voice from the other Ship said. “We has you surrounded, so doan’t f**k around!”

    “Excuse me,” Roger said petulantly, “would you mind not calling me Whitey?”

    “What the hell!?” exclaimed the voice.

    “Whitey. You just called me Whitey,” Roger explained. “I’d prefer it if you called me Roger or Roger White or even Captain although sometimes Keith from the Astronomers Society calls me RW but that’s just sort of fun between friends though.”

    “Is this dude for real, man!?” a second voice asked incredulously. “What is all this s**t? Ah mean, who gives a goddamn what this muthas name is?”

    “I think I can assist here, gentlemen,” Boy Paddy said in his suave velvety voice. “You see, much earlier I was calling him Rog and he gets a bit touchy about it. Now you chaps come along and start calling him Whitey and--”

    “Enuff o’ this s**t!!” yelled the first voice. “You cats shut the f**k up an lissen good.”

    “He’s on about cats again,” Roger whispered.

    “Ssshhh!” Boy Paddy advised.

    “Ma name is Cap’n Vernon an the other dude with me’s Gunner Niggets. We’s from the planet Uhuruland,” the voice told them.

    “Yeah, you trespassin in Uhuruland air space,” Gunner Niggets added, “so we takin you prisoner.”

    “That’s right, bro. Tell them like it is.”

    “Right on, Cap’n,” replied the Gunner.

    There followed the sounds of what appeared to be hands slapping a few times.

    “So like Ah says earlier,” Cap’n Vernon resumed, “we has you surrounded so reduce speed an doan’t be trying no s**t.”

    Roger frowned. “How many Ships do you have?” he asked.

    “What the hell you talkin bout, whitey. It’s just us here.”

    “Well technically you can’t actually have us surrounded then, can you?” Roger said smugly.

    Cap’n Vernon lost patience. “Right, dats it! Fire a warnin shot across they bows!”

    “Okay Cap’n,” said Gunner Niggets.

    “Shields up!” Boy Paddy announced.

    Roger’s Ship was slightly rocked as the laser shot deflected off their Shields.

    “You cats get the f****n message now!” Cap’n Vernon asked.

    Roger nodded. “We cats got the message,” he replied. “Decrease speed,” he ordered.

    “Speed decreasing to pretty slow,” Boy Paddy told him.

    “Good. Now we takin you to Uhuruland,” said Cap’n Vernon. “Take you to meet Big Lucas.”

    Roger nodded. “Well that doesn’t sound too bad,” he said.

    Cap’n Vernon and Gunner Niggets hee-hawed at this statement.

    “Okay whitey, let’s go,” Cap’n Vernon ordered.

    “Right, shall we follow you then?” Roger asked.

    “Na. You cats move in front so we can keep an eye on yous.”

    Roger frowned. “Okay, which way?”

    “Ha! Think Ah’s tellin you that, whitey?”

    “But that’s just silly,” Roger said, stamping his foot. “How do we know which way to go then?”

    There followed a short muttering conversation between Cap’n Vernon and Gunner Niggets.

    Eventually the Cap’n came back on. “Okay whitey �" lissen up. Since you not knowin where Uhuruland is, you follow us. But remember �" Gunner Niggets be coverin you. You try an escape an he gives you the full laser treatment. An I doan’t mean removing no tattoos. You dig?”

    “I dig,” Roger said. “Dig what?” he muttered. “The garden? Out here in space?”