Swing

 

Der Meister: You angry little s***s got nothing on me.

Singing in the gutter,

dancing with your flees.

Suck me, suck me.

The world needs a hero

Die Tanzers: Schwarze Milch der Abends,

wir trinken nur einmal.

 

Der Meister: Blew a kiss to the sun,

and watched it burn.

Don't really care what I didn't learn. .

Come on children, dance,

get your dinner.

Die Tanzers: Schwarze Milch der Abends,

Wir trinken Sie immer.

Der Meister: Can't have an iron fist without an iron smile.

I scream,

you scream,

we all scream

Die Tanzers: HEIL!!!

Der Meister: And when you've got to eat, kids,

it can't matter how.

Die Tanzers: Schwarze Milch der Abends

Küss unsere Mauls.

 

Der Meister: Put a kick in your goosestep, vulture feed,

can't get to Heaven if you're not on your knees.

One step,

two step,

it's all about the new step

Die Tanzers: Schwarze Milch der Abends

warum schmeckst du wie Granite?

Der Meister: Twirl, twirl, until you all fall down,

Ashes, ashes,

and not a sound.

The men look like women,

the women look like w****s.

Die Tanzers: Schwarze Milche der Abends

Wir trinken Sie nicht mehr.

Reviews

[Amanda Crandall]

I have so much to say.

First the format:
The master and the dancers are the characters we now have presented before us in almost a screenplay format. Here it is, none of it's real, but all of it is pretty and you'll keep watching. Because we are not interested in talent, after all we are interested in pizazz, why do you think there have been no overweight winners of american idol? cause beat it out as skillfully as you can, chica, you're still not going to sell diet shakes to ten year olds. You angry little s***s got nothing on me.
Singing in the gutter,
dancing with your flees.
Suck me, suck me.
The world needs a hero.

this has a very "drink from me and live forever" feel to the stanza. Singing in the gutter Dancing with your fleas intone celebrating where there is nothing to celebrate and smiling where you should be facing the pain this forced optimism is cemented by 'suck me suck me' as in to draw from this master in hopes of finding the strength to stand on you own. As we all know, hope is the most dangerously wielded weapon. suck off of me, serve me, and you may wake up a hero.

Black Milk of the evening, we drink to you once: Just a little step, just a little bit of servitude, no one will notice and no one will care, and my morals are only slightly negotiated...

Blew a kiss to the sun,
and watched it burn.
Don't really care what I didn't learn.
Come on children, dance,
get your dinner.

Blew a kiss to the sun, and watched it burn. Saw talent, saw something beautiful and didn't give it a care in the world.
Don't really care what I didn't learn. Don't know or don't care because it did not instantly taste like King or smell like Rowling
Come on children, dance, get your dinner. Feeding the servants, fattening where the money is and encouraging the dependancy on our capitalistic nature

Black milk of the evening, we drink you always. why let go now? it works, I suckle the pig, I'm fed and I have no reason to look elsewhere

Now my favorite Stanza:
Der Meister: Can't have an iron fist without an iron smile.
I scream,
you scream,
we all scream
Die Tanzers: HEIL!!!
Der Meister: And when you've got to eat, kids,
it can't matter how.

Can't have an iron fist without an iron smile The force and the charisma are undaunting and unchallenged, to the point that you worship them for giving you an internship, or worship them for looking over your work, no mutual respect, no complex and equally integral web. I scream you scream we all scream heil! has such a fantastic flow to it, you slip right into it and scream heil in your head because after all we all scream, at some point.
And when you've got to eat, kids, it can't matter how. and once again the dependancy, you need it, how can you remember a life without it? You can't now prey up on it. Black milk of the evening, kiss our mouths. be affectionate, be kind, so we can turn our heads to the fact that eventually your servitude may not be enough.

Put a kick in your goosestep, vulture feed,
can't get to Heaven if you're not on your knees.
One step,
two step,
it's all about the new step.

Fun and games are over put up or put out or or put in, whatever your compromise was is now your bread and butter. You can't get to Heaven if your not on your knees (so well placed) sounds like such an inarguable point, though inherently wrong, after all prayer is the most self serving function of faith. Dance, dance, Tanzers and put out what sells. Black milk of the evening, why do you taste like granite? Because there is no more pleasure in the work or the art, just the desire to produce before a deadline so you can make the payment on your new boat.

Twirl, twirl, until you all fall down,
Ashes, ashes,
and not a sound.
The men look like women,
the women look like w****s.
The thought that nothing lasts forever and eventually the engine will stall. The demasculation of our society seems prevalent to me here. Feminists and political correctness and gay rights activists (yeah i said it) castrating men, and objectifying women. SO set on not discriminating against an identity that we find ourselves with no identity at all, because we are no longer granted permission to acknowledge it.
The last line says it all.

[I.R.]

I loved the structure. The anaphora in the first part of the dancers' line seems like a litany. It really reminds me of a rosary, or of the responsorial psalm at mass. The image of the blown kiss burning as it reaches the sun is really great...brings to mind the ephemeral. I was quite captivated by the notion of the "black milk of the evening..." it beckons nurturing, but the black and the evening bring death to mind, conjuring a powerful paradox or dichotomy. I loved the last part about the ashes and the distortion of the genders and the sexuality...what matters if they are all made of ashes? Really, it was an awesome read.

[Nannette LaRee~]

First of all, like all your work, this is a great poem. Second...I honest-to_God had no idea where you were going with it...which just proves that Amanda is swifter and smarter than I, becaue she worte a huge review and I just didn't see at all. :)

[Cylis Derrens]

The rythm is good enough to be a rock song. Good piece I can't say I've seen anything like it.

[Rie Sheridan Rose]

Powerful, thought-provoking piece. I really can think of no criticism. :)

[Dj Golden]

This piece is excellent, and on an aside I wouldn't thought it Nazi rhetoric even if you hadn't mentioned it in the description (or I would have thought it rhetoric if it was from a very stupid person, which you appear not to be).

This work not only makes fun of Nazis it also makes fun of racist in general, what with their tired philosophy, which is easy to see flaws in, and their redundant traditions. You really DO make a mockery of them, which is awesome.

I like how you set this up in a master/servant play, but if you're going to put German in there then don't translate it, because that convalesce the reader from having to think and learn. Be a little brave and step out into the world where they'll call you a "Nazi" and you may find that the right people side with you.

Otherwise great read, and I love this style. Going into my favorites for sure.

[Catala]

The beat and the rythm here fit the title nicely, and made me really enjoy reading this piece, until i re read it for the words and felt like taking a scalding hot shower... It feels unnatural to think so happily, especially when reading the english translation and realising what it is exactly you just read. Well done on the mindset manipulation, just another feather in your cap for the effective theme of this piece:)

[TamiViolet i can't log..]

What an incredible piece, Chris. The originality and creativity placed into this masterpiece leave little room, if any, for improvement. Excellent incorporation of both sarcasm and wit.

Theme/s...........brilliant!

'Black milk of the evening, we drink you no more'....

No higher is the intensity! Always, Tamiviolet

[THE BLACK SEAL]

bravo!

[Gandré]

This is most original, and significant work what has being written here. I enjoyed the allusion on Nazis in this creative manner, really great piece.


Der Meister: Twirl, twirl, until you all fall down,
Ashes, ashes,
and not a sound.
The men look like women,
the women look like w****s.
Die Tanzers: Schwarze Milch der Abends
Wir trinken Sie nicht mehr.(5) --------my favorite part.

[Lisa Verdon]

This is really good, Chris. I don't think I have read anything in this format before. I love the way the Dancers respond to The Master. To me, it feels as if he (Master) fits in his language with the Dancers' dance. This is what I picture, anyway. I imagine someone shouting to a group of young people (I saw a movie titled "Swing Kids," so this is probably why I perceived it this way) who are dancing viciously to the tune of his voice. This is exactly what I meant about poems with a dark and bitter concept. Even though the message is about the negative, the piece is really enjoyable. Perhaps, that sounds like some silly oxymoron...I am not sure. I really loved it, though :) Using the German language made it even more impressive. I agree with another poster, too; these are my favorite lines:
"...I scream,
you scream,
we all scream
HEIL!!!"