CH1:The Keeper

Kriss Penn

   "Who are you?" I yelled into the surrounding darkness.

   "Who am I?" the voice boomed, "Who am I?" It almost sounded as if it was laughing.

   "Yes, sir," I whimpered and tried to curl up into a ball but stand up at the same time. The darkness was intimidating. There was light, but no light. I could see myself perfect, but nothing else. It was all just black. Blacker than the darkest cave.

   "I am the King of the Underworld, the Lord of the Dead, the Master of War, the President of Dispare. I am the Keeper."

   I shivered. Not because of the cold, but because of the sheer force surrounding me. The very presence of Death. The ground shook and I heard a loud thud behind me, I twisted to see what had caused it. I froze in place, tried to stop breathing. How was that possible? The terror of seeing that thing made me want to turn to stone. My eyes darringly darted the giant man up and down. I was probably only as tall as his pinky toe. It had on dark boots and an insanely long, black overcoat. I glanced to his hands to find they were stuffed in the coat's pockets. Its eyes stared down at me with a sharp gaze that pierced my soul. He had a long sword on his left hip, clear in its scabbard. I stared up at his body that seemed to be hundreds, maybe thousands of feet high.

   "W-who are y-you?" I asked with now chattering teeth.

   Its mouth moved. "I just told you."

   My eyes widened as I backed away quickly. My jaw moved but no words came forth. Please spare me, I thought. If only he could hear my thoughts. His sword came free of the scabbard. As if he would need that.

   "Why have you come here?" He questioned.

   I fell right then. Tripped on nothing but air. "I-I don't know. I just f-found this place. H-hiked in the cave. I-it dropped off in-into. . . ." I looked around. What was this place, anyways?

   "Fate. Apparently your death has come early.Bow to me, my minion." His lips crooked into a smirk. The sword suddenly rose high and started faling at an increadible speed. It whistled through the air, whistled like music for the dead. The sound you hear when you know the end of your timeline has arrived. It fell faster and faster, closer and closer. My eyes shut, I could taste the metallic blood in my mouth from biting right trough my lower lip. I choked and spat out the red fluid and turned onto my back. Suddenly a dead shot of pain ripped through my body and I screamed lounder than ever.

Reviews

[Lady]

Well this is definitely an intense way to begin a novel.
I was without a doubt hooked from the start. You have a great sense of detail when writing and that is something I personally look for when choosing a novel.

I am curious about a few things. Firstly, how did this boy or man reach this cave in the first place? Is this just a dream?
Secondly, I would like to know more about what this giant of death looks like. Is his face concealed in shadow, and only his eyes can penetrate through the blanket of darkness, or is it something else? Also, when the giant approaches the man/boy, perhaps describe how the ground shakes, or a few rocks from the cave fall out of place. Just make him seem a bit more frightening.

Overall I loved this intro to your novel, and I shall definitely indulge myself with more of this. Great work!

Lady