I wont Be Hurt

I have dreamt for you,
I have once loved you,
I used to be in love,
I used to love,
every part of you.

Now I have lost you,
now I am confuse,
why did you go away,
why did you left me.

why do  you need to do this?
Why don't you left me at the first place?
why have you done such thing to me?

If you leave me at the first place,
I wont be hurt,
I wont be hurt anymore.

Author's Note

what do u think?

Reviews

[GamingGal]

Pros: It was a good little poem with good rhetorical questions scattered throughout. I like the flow and story and progression of the poem; it was nice and didn't stagnate in one spot with un-needed description. You got straight to the point.

Cons: My only suggestion would be to find a different word to replace "ditch" Sure, it fits, but it doesn't seem.....poetic enough for this poem, doesn't fit enough with the other words. But that's just my opinion.

Overall: I liked it :)

[AloysiaVerben]

I like this poem and can definetly relate. A good poem.

[Short.Nerd]

Pretty good.

[Marie Harrison]

very moving piece to me

[KAREN]

Tells a nice little story!

[KATHY SUE SILLS]

The flow was good as well as the story!

[steph]

Well according to the other reviewers they have nailed down your techs, I am gonna review the subjest matter. You have wonderfully expressed yourself with this piece and you did a good job making us feel the sorrow projected here.. I disagree with the ditch thing, I feel it is proper and poettically sound and any other word would take away from the particular meaning,,, GirlGreer's assessment on the grammer is great, I did'nt even catch it (She always keeps me on my toes to dont worry) and over all this is a fine piece... Please resend it to me when you have corrected it. I would love to review it over.... A great work in Progress!

[Amanda Dawn Sanderson-G..]

Corrections: "I once love you", should be 'loved'; "Now I am confuse", should be 'confused'; "Why don't you left me at the first place?"; this line doesn't make any sense to me, did you mean 'Why did you leave me in the first place?"; "why have you done such thing to me?", should be 'things'; this line is also a little confusing "If you leave me at the first place," -- overall, looking past the grammar mistakes it's a very good poem. But why did you only captialize one 'Why' in the poem... was it for more emphasis on that one line or a typo? Also, the same with periods at the end of questions but not with them all. Some people write their poetry different, but if it's accidental then I would edit them so the piece can be that much stronger and less of a distraction.

But all around, great write! Keep up the work and keep writing and sending read request my way!

[Roxi L]

I liked the point and the emotion in it. Some grammer errors but otherwise it was really good!
Writing keeps the dream alive
Never

[Kelsie Eileen Stark]

The emotion is put out there ! Great job~

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

This is touching work.