Birthday Disaster

It's your birthday

why are you crying?

Oh I know

you want to save up

your young period

but you never can

so just let it happen

cause you can't refuse

to what is happening

Author's Note

I think my poems are getting worst!
Do you think so?

Reviews

[SimplyDisastrous]

This reminds me of my birthday. Not the entire poem, just like the first part of it. It was my birthday and I wasn't too happy. June 16th. I can never count on that day to be my best. it's always like all the others. Nothing special happens. Even though I want it to. Unfortunately. Your poems aren't getting worse. I just wish you'd add a bit more detail to the things you write. But this was still a good piece. I can totally relate

[Angelauthor1204]

nicely done.

[Rhonda]

this is a good poem
it tells the truth that happenes with everyone

[Miss Coral]

I will say that I like others that you've written over this one, but I often have a time where I don't write things that are done... they're more expressed thoughts than fully formed. After a while, I'll have a period where I absolutely love everything I write (in a non-conceited way, haha). I think that this is a great idea, but perhaps can be changed in a bit. It's usually best to wait a bit, so you're more objective towards it. :)

Overall, I do like this piece: I just like the concept more than the execution.
Either way- nice job. c:

-Coral-

[Hello, Goodbye]

Its so awkwardly delightful that I cannot even comment but say good job..

[emmajoy]

Your thoughts and sentiments are both sweet and strong, but maybe this needed to sit for a while until you had time to refine it.

I could never, never write in a language other than my own, so congratulations for trying very, very hard to do so. Maybe reading other folks' writing in the Cafe would help you with grammar and vocabulary.

Much luck with your writing, Cynthia, don't ever, ever stop, your potential is incredible and I truly mean that.

[Sweets]

Good poem (:
and your poems are great =)

[Short.Nerd]

Not one of your best but its still good.

[M.A. Van Dyke]

As far as I know, I've only written two poems in my entire life so I'm not one to trust about poetry... But when I don't think I got a chapter or a sentence or even a word just right, I let it sit, sometimes until I've finished the book... Then, when my head is a little clearer, I go back and fix it up. It always seems to work for me!
When I read this particular poem, it actually made me say, "oh, snap!"
I think I've said this before, you've basically got it, in this case I think that the idea and feeling is there, you just might have to work on the flow and wording.
There's nothing wrong with a first draft, and there's nothing wrong with posting a first draft up here. Just take whatever advice people give you and use it to your advantage. Good luck!

[Vicky Zhuang Yi-Yin]

Ok, this underlined one topic, and that of wanting to stay young. it had a lesson that we cannot turn back time, and we should just go with the flow. Just one thing, it's
"cause you can't refuse
what is happening"
I think it was a good attempt, but if you think your poems are getting worse, then take a break, let it come to you, but do throw around a couple of rhymes to keep yourself in shape. That's an exercise I do when I start thinking my work is becoming sloppy. Good luck!
Good job.
-Yin