Owning You

My first poem, I know it's will sounds bad.

I look up,
not sure what to do,
leave you or stay ,
You own me too much.

You took all the things from me,
My heart,
My spirits,
nothing left.

Tears rolled,
but you won't mind,
you are just playing me,
you took all the things away from me,
lefting my body only.

I stood there,
Waiting for you.

Author's Note

That's my first poem, not sure how it sounds like, cause I've never write a poem before. please a review.

Reviews

[Rose Tyler]

This is a wonderful first poem. Mine was much worse.
"I stood there,
Waiting for you." Those are my favorite lines

[Jibey]

I think Sara's touch-up is good... There is a simple cry from the heart in this poem...

[Dalebear]

Good first poem to start you off

Dalebear

[Kimberly]

Good for a first time.

[Sara Mercury]

I look up,
Not sure what to do;
Leave you or stay with you;
You own me too much.

You took everything from me -
My heart,
My spirit;
Nothing is left.

Tears roll,
But you don't mind;
You are just playing with me.
You took everything away from me,
Leaving my body only.

And still I stand here
Waiting for you.


I touched it up a little for you; made it parallel, and changed some words to mean what you probably intended for it to mean. See what you think. I'm just trying to help. xxxx :) I sure don't take the time to do this for everyone on here!

[Short.Nerd]

Not to bad...
Keep up the good work (-:

[DrSprinkz73]

I think this holds promise! Not bad especially if you're serious about this being your first poem :) Take the time to let things flow to you and you always end up finding the right way to express yourself after getting used to it

[Leanne Conway]

Awe, It's cute. I like this poem.