The Urge

about a girl

She lay there in her white vest,
in the comfort of her little nest.
Drenched in blood all over her chest,
no, this was no jest.

She had long been on that quest,
to quench that unending thirst.
In her own body, she felt a guest,
a lifelong feeling, it wasn't the first.

The voice kept nagging like a pest,
constantly told her she had to pass the test.
Convinced her this way was the best.
But forgot to mention she wouldn't live to see the rest.

Author's Note

came up with a list of words and decided to make a story to match :)

Reviews

[Shaquana Adams]

I like the rhyme scheme. Bold exercise. Great work :)

-QuanaWana

[cycy]

thanks dear :)

[Shirlena]

This is ominous and sad...someone talked her into suicide huh? Another interesting and well written piece.

[cycy]

thanks shirlena, i was inspired by a schizophrenic writer's book about a boy who hears voices and they tell him to do random weird stuff, thats the angle i was going for

[Shirlena]

I think you nailed that impression :)

[Blue]

I've never done this kind of rhyme before... Must be quite difficult.

The last stanza is beautiful, Cycy... I keep repeating it in my head.

[cycy]

thanks a lot A, glad you think so :)

[Sami Khalil]

"She lay(s) there in her white vest,
in the comfort of her little nest.
Drenched in blood all over her chest,
no, this was no jest."

[cycy]

you like?? :)

[Sami Khalil]

Yep...Lay I think needs an s...You are welcome...:)................

[KAin]

Interesting exercise - it certainly encourages the writer to find new ways to say something. Curious... I think you've given me an idea. You've created a fine poem with the limits you've set for yourself. Keep writing, friend.

[cycy]

thanks so much Landred. and what idea is that? #curious

[Brittany Zedalis]

Nothing wrong with it being short. I've found that sometimes the short pieces are the best. I quite enjoyed this poem. :]

[cycy]

thank you so much Brittany :)

[Madison O'Dwyer]

"In her own body, she felt a guest." That is my favorite line. A beautiful piece, thank you for sharing.

[cycy]

thank you Madison :)

[Chandradhish Ghosh]

A valiant attempt...but I would have liked a little more...

[cycy]

okay, also felt it was a bit short but i was playing around with the words and thought it may lose something if i made it longer, but i totally get what you mean hey, thanks for the pointer :)

[MsJewel]

Your creativity shines!

:) Julie

[cycy]

thanks Julie..bless :) you just made my morning a lot brighter

[Rita L. Sev]

This is a good writing exercise, and you did well with the concept, Cycy.

[cycy]

thank you so much Rita :)