Used To

I used to hide behind the couches in the entryway
Pressing my tiny palms against the wall
And tucking my knees up to my chest
Not because it was a game
But because I was glad
I was small enough
To fit there
I used to play Barbies
On the floor in the basement
Dress them up, and brush their hair
With the small pink brushes that came in the package
And give them all the things
I desperately wanted
I used to believe in Santa Claus,
Waiting up Christmas Eve to hear that harmonious click clack
But I never thought
He was that smart
Because I hadn't been so good
I used to write
Pages and pages
About a girl who was and wasn't me
Who belonged in the borderlands
In the shadow valleys of wrinkly brains
And I'd give her all the things
I so desperately wanted
I used to brave the three foot snow
I was only a foot taller
But I was so much braver
It was like ocean 2.0
And it glistened like diamonds
Left on the ground just for me
I used to waste time
Watching YouTube for hours and hours
Of people living life
In simple extraordinary ways
With all the things
I desperately wanted
I used to take baths
Adding bubbles, lighting candles
Sinking into the water and
Taking pleasure in the feeling
That I just might float
I used to read books
Sometimes about real life
But mostly
About girls my age
Who were happy because
They had everything
I so desperately wanted
Like I so desperately wanted you
But there are things I used to do
And people I used to love

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

wow, yes, observing a life that we wish we were living...a life we used to believe in until we became too jaded to accept it anymore...that was the "used to"

this reminds me of Sexton or Levertov and that confessional style...it works here, it's an open and honest work.

[Jess Rose]

Good poem! I can really relate!

[Pratik Mishra]

Very nice poem. Makes you feel good. :)