Chapter 4: Massacre

Will heals up and goes back home to tell them about what he found out but comes onto a sight that will forever change him.

A month went by as Will rested and healed up. Saddling up his horse Mike readied himself to accompany Will to his village. Having been alone for a long time he found that he just couldn't leave his young friend just now. Especially since he could feel that something bad was on the horizon he just didn't know what it was. Will was happy to have Mike come with him. He wanted to spend a little more time with his new friend.

When they were a days ride away they spotted smoke on the horizon. Oh no. That looks like it is coming from my village. "I don't like the look of that smoke. It seems to be coming from the direction of my village."

The smell of smoke only got stronger and more pungent as they got closer and neither one of them liking this especially with the recent raids they broke into a gallop. As they got closer Will started to smell something that smelled like meat cooking. Mike who had been in quite a few campaigns knew what that smell was but hoped he was wrong for his friend's sake.

Will soon rode into a sight that would forever be burned into his memory. Everywhere he looked he saw burned houses and dead villagers lay scattered everywhere. Mike noticed that some of the villagers had weapons in their hands but since they were not trained soldiers it didn't seem to do them any good. They had been just massacred, even the old and sick hadn't been spared. Will couldn't believe his eyes. Men and women he had grown up around cut down like cattle. He ran toward his home with as much speed as he could muster.

Walking through the dead and wreckage of what had once been a productive village Mike noticed something strange. Where are all the young. There isn't anyone younger than Will here. Looking around for Will to let him know what he had found, he saw him standing in the wreckage of a house at the edge of the village. When Mike got to his friend's side he found him kneeling in front of two corpses of a man and a woman. Mike instantly knew that they were Will's parents. "I am sorry for your loss. If it helps any, your father went down fighting to protect your mother. He fought to the bitter end." With that Mike left Will to grieve on his own.

Eventually Will with Mikes help buried his parents. "I am going to go and let Barrys Creek (which was the name of the nearby village as well as the village that had hired him) know what happened and get some help to bury the rest of the dead. Will you come with me?"

"Of course I will." Mike said.

Within the week they arrived at Barry's Creek only to find the exact same thing that had happened to Will's village had happened again. Scouting around Will found the tracks of the killers and realizing that they were less than a week old decided that he was going to hunt them down and free their prisoners. With Mike at his back Will took off in pursuit of the killers.

Author's Note

I don't like how I wrote this chapter but I don't know how to improve it. Please help me and give me ideas on how to make it better. Thank you for reading this and helping me out.

Reviews

[S. von Glaubitz]

This is such a big chapter! And you've written so little! That would be my number one suggestion on how to improve it: write more!

Overall, it feels more like you've written a summary of a chapter, which is excellent so that you know what you need to accomplish. Now go back and write the chapter.

A month has gone by, and as the reader, I have no idea what happened in all that time with these two characters I'm only just getting to know, other than they became friends. I want to become friends with them, too! This is the first place you can add more. Maybe add a whole new chapter that covers the missing month.

Next, take me to Will's village. How close is it to the cabin? If it was so close, why wasn't Will able to go home sooner, especially since he seemed to be healing pretty well? Taking an easy pace on a horse, or even hitching up a wagon to ride on, seems like it might have been doable. What happens on that ride? Maybe you still want to skip the month and instead spend more time on the road with the two friends.

Third, Will discovering that his village has been massacred is huge for his character! Give me all the details, what he sees and how he feels and how he reacts. Does he recognize anyone in particular other than his parents? Does he have memories of some particular building? What relationship did he have with his parents? Sit down and write this scene in detail, draw it out, explore, even if you don't intend to ultimately keep it all.

The explanation about Barry's Creek, which has a lot of bearing on the plot as the village that hired Will, is relegated to parentheses. When you go back to previous chapters, add more information about this village into them. Then take me to Barry’s Creek with Will and Mike and let me see the destruction there.

Finally, you skip another week. Again, tracking down the killers could be a whole other chapter in itself. My worry is that you’re losing steam. If so, believe me, I’ve been there! Take a break for a while, then come back and roll up your sleeves. I’ve said before that starting a book is hard, and I meant it!

This is your first draft, so it doesn't need to be perfect--or even good--but the more you write, the better you’ll get to know your characters and the world they live in, and the more confidently and expertly, in turn, you’ll be able to write about them. So much of writing is the discovery, of falling in love with your own story the way you fall in love with any book you read. And the more you love what you're writing the more your reader will feel that and love it, too.

So that being said, I want to read Chapter 5!

[Redwarrior123]

Thank you so much for your input. I didn't think of that. I will work on it. I will probably post the next chapter next week. I have a lot of things going on in my life right now and can't spend as much time as I would like to writing. Again I will try my best to make the next chapter better.