Alone and it's my fault

The creaky wooden fence is swinging with the wind,
It sounds like the clock is ticking
But the clock is actually dead
It's simply just the branches scraping,
against the window pane
instead

Tonight, I sit here and think
About all the nights I sat here to think
it's been too many of them
I can't get them back
I can't have them back

Wet eyes and quiet sobbing
how many times did I try to solve this problem?
What can I do, what have I done?
So many nights, and the solutions are still none.

can't be loud enough for my mother to hear,
but be loud enough to rid myself of this fear
that I am alone,
That I will always be alone
No matter what,
Alone

Mom never hugs me,
Dad's never home.
Who's here to tell me they love me,
When they won't even pick up the phone?
Boy 1 gave a good run,
And left me there to cry.
Boy 2 picked my heart up,
Then left it there to die.

Healed as I may be in those respects,
You don't always get those feelings out of your chest
The ones that creep up when you don't see a call, or a text, or a sign, or anything at all
Your friend sees a planned movie without you and your boyfriend maybe calls, maybe a little late
Maybe I'm just a little too f*****g anxious to be a good date

I love with my whole heart,
But people have shown me otherwise,
That their hearts are fickle
And their love is a lie
Please, if you know me, remind me why chose me
To be a figure in your life

Maybe I'm too boring
Maybe I worry too much
Maybe I cry at stupid things
Maybe I expect too much

But I'll say one thing that I know,
that is for certain,
there is not one person I gave any less of my love too,
nobody I was less than determined
To show that I was there