28 Days of Delores SchmitA Chapter by Eric Chapter 1 (p1-53) Establishing Delores's daily routine as a therapist and some of her clients. When Dreams Wake up The 28 days of Delores Schmitt By Eric Holmes Copy right 2010
Day 1 Delores Schmitt began her day with a cup of coffee. She opened the freshly painted French doors careful of the pearly white trim, and sat in the swinging chair which hung in the corner of her private deck. Looking out over the fresh green grass and out onto the lakes calm waters she gathered herself for the coming day. She loved this spot and this time of day, the warm sun glistening on the lake. It was the quiet before the storm. Her dog Rayne laid curled up on the deck by her feet. She tried not to think of anything, to let her mind drift with the sounds of the water, the creaking chair and the feel of the fresh morning dew. Some days she could not quiet the voices in her head. The voices of clients and the myriad of issues they brought to her office and into her life. Today was one of those days. On such days she distracted herself by writing. She picked up her writing pad and began a new entry: Shawna was a prodigious child, beautiful flowing red hair and a giant happy dimple on a porcelain white cheek; she loved cotton candy and animals and today she was going to get both. It was her birthday and they were going to the carnival. At the end of the day her dad Gerald Mkintley was left holding her shattered carcass. The news would show footage of the two thousand pound elephant trampling the innocent girl to death. She set aside her notepad and taking a deep disgruntled breath rose to prepare for the day. She got in a quick run and shower and was at the office by 10. At her office she greeted the receptionist and turned left past the fake fichus tree and through the door with the name plate Delores Schmitt PhD. She shut the door behind her and proceeded to open all the blinds. At 10:30 she opened her door and greeted her first client. The boys name was Dante. He was not here of his own volition. He had a long record of infractions the last being shoplifting, well the actual last was when he stood up and peed on the store manager who was holding him hostage in his office, but the boys file left it at shoplifting and truant behavior. She read over his file. From the events that had taken place, statements by the boy and the officers observations she pieced events together. She imagined she was there watching the truant boy who idolized his father and demonized his mother: Dante sitting in the manager’s office. He could see his friends acting the clown through the office window; they smirked unsympathetic to his plight. The manager a rotund middle management nobody from nowhere kept staring at him like he was a bug and his boot had an itch.
‘Dad would walk all over this clod. Dad drove a major 4x4 with duel axle drive bearings and a cami quad over haul system. He was the man’ thought Dante
They waited. Security was on its way. Dante tried to avoid the man’s eyes. Every time his gaze passed by he’d hear the mans thought’s,
“Think yr pretty smart, dont’ya boy?”
“F**k you”
Dante became sullen. This crap was nothing. He’d been through this a thousand times. The cops would lecture he’d show remorse “It will never happen again… I’m sorry… it was peer pressure bla bla…” big deal. But then they’d call his mom that’s what was getting him down. ‘This time’ the thought came unbidden, ‘I’ll try something different.’
The officer had taken the boy away chuckling as the manager still recovering confirmed, “yes sir that is the first time anyone has ever urinated on me” She closed the folder and invited Dante in and offered him chair or couch. He chose the chair as clients often do at least initially. “Hi Dante, how are you?” “Fine” He had his arms crossed and legs pulled in tight. She brought her chair out from behind her desk. She wanted to limit the barriers between them. “So why do you think you’re here today?” “I dunno” “You don’t know?” “No” he shrugged. She waited. She had to show him she was on his side. If he talked it would speed up the process. His eyes wondered around the office. He began to fidget. Still she waited. There eyes met, “What?” he said. She picked up his folder. “It says here you were caught shoplifting.” “Yeah so?” “So do you think that’s why you’re here?” He shrugged. “Maybe, I dunno” “Can I ask you a question?” He shrugged. “I spose” as if he sensed he had no choice. “The order I have here from the courts is that you are to perform 200 hours of community service, you are banned from the store and you are to begin therapy for and I quote ‘no less then 8 sessions’ At that point your future will depend on the recommendations of the therapist.“ “Yeah, so?” “So Dante... that is what they want for you. My question is what do you want for you?” This brought a sudden change in Dante’s demeanor, not quite hope but perhaps opportunity. “Like what do you mean?” “Well like they want you to do 200 hours of community service and come see me at least 8 times possibly more. What do you want?” “I don’t really care. As long as I don’t have to go home it’s all the same to me.” “So you are okay with doing community service as long as you don’t have to go home?” “Yeah it’s fine by me.” She waited knowing this was the critical point for the session. She felt the tension growing and waited a bit longer. “So you’d rather not go home?” “F**k no... I mean I’m sorry” He began blushing not meaning to have spoken so. “Its okay, go on Dante ... You’d rather not go home?” “No way man that...” he caught himself this time, “my mom...” tears began to pool and his lips trembled. She eyed the tissue box but held still afraid to lose the moment. The boys eyes cleared and his wary reserve returned. “I just don’t want to go home. You asked what I wanted. That’s it.” “Alright Dante our times up for today, But I want you to know I hear you. Home is not a place you want to be. Let’s start with that when next we meet and see if we can’t come up with some solutions.” For the first time he seemed to consider that perhaps she was not the enemy. “Yeah ok sure” “Do you have a ride coming for you?” His reply came quick as he fled the room, “Yeah I got it covered.” She had 15 minutes in between clients, enough time to write up some notes, use the restroom and get some coffee. She was sipping it and browsing through her next clients file when the light flashed indicating he’d arrived. (Edit: This one made her nervous she’d wanted to refer it. He was a personal acquaintance and the accusations against him were horrific. However worse then that were the hints and innuendo that things much worse were happening at the church and her job was to find out what they were and what his (Father Ishtal’s) role in it all was). She opened her door and found him standing patiently. She welcomed him offering the chair or the couch. He went to the couch but sat on the edge. “Hello Mr. Ishtal or should I call you Father?” “Ishtal is fine thank you.” “Your file says you are a personal friend of Abe’s?” She did not need the file to know this. She had seen him and engaged in idle chit chat on more then one occasion around the temple and with Abe. “Yes we go back quite a ways.” “So what can you tell me about why you are here?” “Abe thought it would be better for me to get away from the temple” She had an office at the temple and they could easily have met there. However that was not what she’d meant by her question and she was pretty sure he knew as much. She picked up his file. “Our meeting is precipitated by a suggestive story you wrote and conduct between you and some students that gave cause for concern?” His face turned red as he stared at the carpet. “Yeah,” he said defeat heavy in his voice, “but it’s just a big misunderstanding. I would never do anything to hurt any of our students.” “You care a lot for the students?” He sat stiffly, his shoulders back rigid. “I do care for them yes and I assure you it is not in some perverse or inappropriate manner, but yes I care for the students” “Why do you think the story was interpreted as it was?” His posture she noticed sagged ever so slightly with the weight of memory. “Well I was going through a rough time. I had a lot of emotional baggage. I was really enjoying the creative writing and I thought it would be... I don’t know, amusing to share it. I certainly did not mean for it to be taken literally.” She raised an eyebrow. “Well I’ve read the story. There is some pretty graphic imagery of pulling the other teachers hair, kicking them when they are down. I’ll be honest I did not feel the story was indicative of truly violent intent, but it is somewhat understandable that the teachers were concerned yes?” “Yes in retrospect I totally understand but I don’t know what to say accept I didn’t mean it and would never do anything to harm them” “And the students?” “No of course not, I would die before I’d let anything happen to them.” “As I understand it you were told to not be unsupervised with any of the children and then less then a week later you were found alone in a room with one of the boys?” “Yes it was an unforeseeable emergency. I was with another teacher who was called away. It was only for a very short period of time before Abe came back and found us I mean you know when he showed up.” “Well it’s my job to assess the level of risk you pose to the teachers and to the students.” “I understand” “Okay well when next we meet I’d like to explore in more detail questions about the story you wrote the difficulties you mentioned that led you to such frustration and I’m going to have to pry some into issues regarding children in general.” Resigned he nodded. “I understand how easily things can be misinterpreted and misunderstood. But I’m sure you know the interest of the children has to come first. And we really cannot afford to error in such situations.” “I do, I understand I just hope I can prove to you that I am sincere that I would never hurt any of them.” “Okay Mr. Schmitt I’ll schedule you for the same time next week?” “Yeah okay, thanks.” As he left she closed his file and looked at the clock. Lunch time, she grabbed her purse checked to make sure her bagel was in it and left the office waving to Sue as she went. She found the park deserted but for the ducks and a few crows and she set about walking along the waters edge tearing bits off her bagel. She alternately ate a piece then tore another piece to throw to the ducks. She got out her note pad to jot down some writing notes: Swam in the salty bay last night...the spaciousness of summer-days... meandering, spontaneous, lazy. Today iced tea on the lawn not a care in the world. Rayne lay gently snoring beside me paws twitching as she dreams her canine dreams. She lay patient and content, happy to sleep away the afternoon heat though she’d be just as happy to chase balls, thrown out into the serene lakes cool waters. She’s a good dog going on 8 years old now 57 or something in human years? Still she plays like a pup, having lost none of her youthful vigor. It was as if time had ceased to exist for us. As if frozen in some majestic picture, the essence of a still and peaceful summer day. Yet not more then 10 miles away events were unfolding that would change the course of humanity. Delores set down her pen and looked up in time to see it coming. It was a giant goose running and honking towards her scattering the other birds. It scared her so bad she thrust her purse at it like a weapon. It accepted the offer clamping its beak tightly to it and yanking it from her hand. She screamed and went after it. She was disheartened to realize that geese when motivated can really move. It and her purse were gone and she was left with nothing but a spray of bird feces on her leg. She followed as far as she could looking high and low but her purse was gone. Disgruntled she made her way back to her office making a mental note to cancel her credit cards. She wondered if it was worth putting up signs for a stolen purse. She imagined the ‘wanted’ poster with the goose’s image and added an evil mustache. Her soiled tights had been removed and stuffed into her drawer. As she was wearing a short skirt and nothing else she remained behind her desk for the duration. By the time she’d finished work her entire office smelled like swan lake. She was half way home before realizing she’d left her tights in the drawer. Her hand smacked her head, “crap!” She made a mental note to arrive early enough to air the space out and hope the odor hadn’t seeped into the receptionist lounge. Then she focused on getting home and getting at a bottle of red. She changed into a long t-shirt and brought Rayne into her room where she got out her writing pad and began a new adventure: Todd said what he had to say and smiled as he watched Earl. The effects of Todd’s words were like a fire burning through the boy’s resolve. Earl cried helpless before him. Todd walked away laughing and slipped into the forest petulantly pulling at his britches his laugh turning to angry curses as he disappeared down the winding trails.
It was early evening before anyone noticed and later yet when Earl finally set himself to informing Father Orloff
''Sir,” He said in earnest, “Todd has gone missing, and I can’t, I cannot find him though not for lack of trying, sir''
Father Orloff though was somewhere else; Lost in self reflection. Languid came the word and he presented his hand as if he’d love nothing more then to have a ring upon his finger for Earl to kiss and with a wave of his hand dismissed the boy indifferent to his plight; for he was a busy man. ‘Just now busy with the important work of warming my seat’ he chortled to himself. Later when Todd still hadn't shown up Earl's nose was running not with its customary drip but rather like ice that having been lodged inside the boy’s nasal cavity did by the heat of his nervous energy melt most precipitously. As such a stream of glistening snot did shine upon his lip and moisten his sleeve. Orloff did not make secret his disgust. Biting his nails and blinking furiously Earl went to Father Abe’s room. Abe was not there but one of his secondary robes was left in his seat. It was a beautifully embroidered and brocaded silk robe, far more valuable then the simple plain saffron robe that was Abe’s custom; which made all the greater the tragedy of Earl’s anxiety. For in his fractured state did Earl’s anxiety lead him absent mindedly to the destruction of Father Abe’s robe. When he noticed he hugged it tight and cried. Abe was finishing a walk with Dunksburg and Orloff when upon their return they found him. Abe knelt before the crying boy taking his hand and setting the tattered robe aside. "Don't you worry about this old thing Earl; I should be thanking you. I've wanted to get a new robe for ages and now finally I have the perfect excuse!"
Father Orloff turned red, (It was blasphemy this desecration. The impudence of these unruly children he stormed looking round wildly his well of support run dry. Continuing his eyes no doubt seeking a rod with which to stave the spoiling of a child and finding none) his jowls shaking he stormed out of the room.
Dunksburg smiled closing the door after him and unobtrusively retrieved the craft scissors from the floor putting them to pocket. When Earl finally told them about Todd’s disappearance Abe rang the bells summoning the fathers to the playground where upon he organized a search. (Ever mindful of Orloff’s whereabouts’ less he seeks out the boy with rod in hand).
They searched far and wide save Father Orloff who having worn himself out getting to the playground suggested he might best serve the cause with prayer. But Todd was nowhere to be found. It was as if he’d vanished and poor Chopien was so guilt ridden he began wetting his bed and having nightmares. They increased the attention they gave him and told him he was not at fault, still he would cry himself to sleep and wake up wet and scared each night. Once as Earl was having a particularly hard time getting to bed Abe heard him mumble through his tears. His head on Abe’s shoulder his mouth to his ear. He whispered a name. Abe tried to make sure, asked him to say it again. To explain what he meant but he could get no more, just the name; Ishtal. Day 2 Delores woke up early eager expand her story before work when Rayne decided he wanted her to have his ball. He dropped it in her lap and she said, “Thanks.” She threw it and wiped the slime from her hands. She opened her pad with a fresh idea and wrote: No more could be discerned of Todd but the mention of a wound at the base of the neck as seen by Earl. Orloff was in attendance with Abe when they happed upon the matter.
“Was it a fresh cut then?” Asked Orloff
“It was not healed but nor was it an open wound” and so the conversation went until at length Orloff declared with finality “... it is to be attributed to the reckless play of children in general and Todd quite specific... No doubt no doubt” he comforted.
Abe tried to sound casual, “Did you see by chance the look of this mark? An ordinary cut I’m sure. It didn’t appear out of the ordinary… right?”
“Well funny yeah that’s what I thought, it wasn’t like just a line it was more like this…” he held up his hands to show an X and an O.
Abe whose head was suddenly light reached a hand out to steady himself, and was for once glad of Orloff’s interjection,
“Such a thing as this, it is our job to notice. These children are after all in our care, I’ll have to look into the staffing maybe make a few changes”
“Yes strange indeed that none did notice.” Abe said walking away his usual pace left several steps behind.
‘Strange indeed’ he thought fighting to keep his anxiety in check. Delores set down her pad and thought perhaps it shall be a story. She found her running shorts and was pulling them up when she remembered the bird poop. “Dang” she said out loud. She yanked them down and ran in place for a minute before collecting fresh clothes for the day. Then she went and jumped in the shower shaved quickly then luxuriated in the steam and heat. By the time Sue arrived she had deodorized most of her office. The smell was still overpowering. When Sue showed up she peered cautiously around the door a look of alarm on her face, “What happened? Are you okay?” “Yeah I’m fine,” Delores laughed “I was mugged by a goose yesterday. He stole my purse and micturated on my tights.” “Micturated?” “Well he went poop on me!” “Ha… okay well let me know if I can help!” She left to her desk and Delores finished preparing her office. Later hearing a noise Delores came out and found Sue looking through Cosmo,” “Oh hey Delores did you know if you really want to please your man you have to tickle his frenulum?" “If that’s another word for penis then yeah I knew that!” "Ha… gotta love Cosmo! I got my nails done what to you think?" She showed her nails and Delores feigned fascination. At 10:25 she checked the schedule. Her first client was Gerald Mkintley 10:20. At 10:45 she notated his absence and went about preparing for her next client. He arrived shortly thereafter and was informed by the receptionist that his appointment was canceled. “I am sorry I just was on bus and I missed it and it was late” he stammered expecting some mercy from the court. “I’m sorry sir I must be firm on this count for the other clients. If you give us a call and let us know we might be able to make allowance but as is I must stand firm on policy.” Head down he felt as a camel another proverbial straw thrown to his back. As he was by way of bus Delores saw him departing and walking down the walk. She gathered her things and sped after him. “Good afternoon Mr. Mkintley” She said upon her approach. “Oh hi Mrs. Schmitt” he said quite startled, “have you not a client to see?” “Not for awhile yet, would you like to take a walk, we can’t have an official session but perhaps what I call a walking session if you’d like?” His face brightened and he joined her around the lake. She pretended a neutral attitude, though the day was lovely and gave lightness to their step. Her mind burned with the issues of his grief, but she waited allowing him to direct this session as his unconscious mind would. “So what do we talk about while we walk?” “Well what’s been on your mind” “Oh it feels like such a lovely day and nice walk. I feel bad bringing all my baggage to it” “That is a very healthy sign. Let us walk then but you must feel free nay obligated if an issue or topic of weight presents to bring forth for us to explore. Agreed?” And so it was agreed. They journeyed in silence for a spell. His joy and pleasure in the walk soon faltered his pace slowed and his shoulders slumped. “I don’t have anything specific to talk about just sadness that I can’t shake. It’s like she’s in my every moment haunting me. I can hear her Childs laughter as she plays in this park. I pass the school and see the children and it’s like her ghost is staring at me from amongst them. Last night I dreamed of her, her mangled body stumbling towards me but never able to reach me, calling out for help, Save me daddy, save me. And I wake up thinking to find relief only to find the nightmare is even worse when I’m awake.” The tears were flowing freely down his face. They resumed the walk and his breathing again became stable. “I feel such pain just hearing you speak.” “I don’t think it will ever end. How can it end? To let go of the pain is to let go of my child.” With this he broke into powerful sobs. She waited resisting the urge to put hand to shoulder. “Grief is temporary. When the time comes it will not be you letting go of your child but your child allowing you to go on.” He cried some more and then they finished the walk. He thanked her in a manner that carried the weight of a hug and she returned the kindness with her smile. She returned to her office and stood to chat with Sue. “How are things?” “Not bad you know same O same O… Oh you know that guy I was telling you about? “Yes Dug wasn’t it?” “Yes well we met up for drinks last night” “And that was the first time you’d met him?” “Yes though he sent me a picture online, did I show it to you?” She typed on her computer and called up the mans profile. Turning the monitor she showed Delores who was adequately impressed. “He
seems quite the handsome man! Was he so in person?” “So
do tell what happened?” I
watched as it turned right at the light ahead. Then I wait and sure enough it’s
coming back up the road. It had circled around. There was tons of parking so
I’m thinking it’s just some teenagers cruising in ‘dads’ sports car. It pulls
over next to me and parks and sure enough it’s him. He actually revved the
engine before he turned it off, and smiled at me like to say aren’t I the
coolest. So then we had a nice dinner I love their enchiladas the conversation
though was ugh so awkward. He hardly said two words and his eyes darted every
which way oh and he mumbles. I was terribly uncomfortable, still he paid for
everything so I shouldn’t complain.” “Well he wanted to go out for dancing and drinks.” “But?” “Well the more time I spent with him the more I got this creepy feeling about him. Like the mumbling and stuff it just started to creep me out” “So you didn’t go to drinks and dancing? I know you love to dance!” “I love to dance with my friends, but this guy, Roger was giving off such weird vibes that by then I was feeling like I needed to escape. I told him I’d go for an after dinner walk. And I’m glad I didn’t offer more. He kept bumping into me like he was trying to get as close as he could while we walked. It was all I could do to point at things to keep him from taking my hand.” “Oh no that is starting to sound awful! But you managed to escape?” “Yes one of my friends called me. It’s a thing we arrange for such occasions. So I said I had to go my friend needs me.” “And he bought it?” “Well I embellished a bit I said she’s so dumb she locked herself out of her apartment. And then whether he believed me or not what could he say really? Though I expect he believed me. I got 3 emails from him and he called me before I arrived home and left a message saying what a delight it was and he looks forward to doing it again soon. The kicker is as we are walking back he sees his car and his tail light is broken and he goes ballistic. His face turns beat red and he picked up a stick and I swear I flinched. I actually stepped back for fear of him swinging it. It was like he was in a blind rage swearing and stomping and it was like he totally forgot I was with him.” “Oh wow that’s so scary I think I would have run away. Was there no one else around?” “Oh yes people were giving wide berth to his tantrum. I was so embarrassed I just stood there stunned. And then this is where it gets really weird. He suddenly stops and say’s cool as a cucumber, ‘well I really enjoyed meeting you’ and he leans in as if I’m going to kiss him! I about died!” “My God what did you do?” “I put out my hand. He looked at me like it was a foreign gesture or like he was insulted. Finally he shook it but for a second he paused like he was going to kiss it or break it I don’t know which.” Delores’ next client arrived and she excused herself with demands for follow ups later. She sat in her chair while her client lay on the couch. It was an odd arrangement what with the client being Deaf which is a way of saying part of that culture as apposed to deaf which is a way of distinguishing the mainstream deaf population. That evening Delores was in bed reading a murder mystery. Rayne lay next to the bed there was but one light on the nightstand next to her. The dog breathed heavily in slumber. The house was otherwise quiet. She heard a plaintive wail; A cry as if in the wall itself. She looked to Rayne who was not disturbed and trusted to her dog’s elevated hearing. In retrospect she would wonder why as the dogs elevated hearing had never so much as afforded it a turned ear of curiosity at passing sirens. She picked up her book to try and continue her read while her mind mused on the human psyche. As her mind which was not prone to fancy or fear had suddenly through the hobby of a book become wrought with imagined horrors. Again she heard the scream; it was followed by loud thumping sounds stomp stomp stomp as a giant climbing her stairs. She looked to Rayne and saw him gone and suddenly felt real panic. She heard a whine she new as his and peered beneath the bed. Two eyes glowed at her and she thought to reach out to him when suddenly she heard from his throat a deep and threatening growl. “Bad dog,” she said pulling her hand back and hugging her covers to her chest. “HELLO” she shouted “IS ANYBODY THERE?” “Go away, we don’t want any!” She joked trying to make light of her fear. She listened and all was silent. “Rayne, get out here Rayne come, come boy, come on, come here… NOW Rayne GET UP HERE NOW! Rayne Who’s my good boy? Are you my good boy? Come on Rayne… “She pleaded “come on! D****t Rayne PLEASE come HERE!” Finally her duress was too much and she fled the safety of her bed. Running to the door she firmly but quietly closed it. She grabbed the nearby chair anchoring it beneath the knob. Then dashing back she climbed quickly to her bed, extinguishing the light and pulling tight the down blanket for the illusion of safety it afforded. A piercing cry broke the quiet and she screamed her heart pounding in her ears as her senses returned and recognition of the familiar availed itself to her. She felt around quite frantic at her bedside for her purse, seeking blindly for her phone. As the house was otherwise quiet she began to feel foolish. With childish shame she flipped open her phone and read to see who was calling. The number was ‘withheld’. Her rule and habit was to never answer such calls as invariable it cost her minutes to listen to some stranger beg upon her charity. Which is not to say she was uncharitable; she was in fact most accommodating to those in need. It was more a matter what she felt a violation of her privacy and a desire to not support or encourage such social constructs. However under current circumstances she felt even a stranger’s voice might provide grounding to her senses. She pressed accept to take the call but found the line was dead. By now she was feeling foolish and decided she would think happy thoughts, get a good night sleep and all would be well come morning. She laid her head on her pillow, closed her eyes and imagined an expansive field of flowers gently blowing in a warm summer breeze, Children laughing and skipping through the field, flowers in their hands and tucked behind their ears; a puppy jumping playfully between them. Her heart mellowed and breathing came even and easy. She could not sleep but felt much better. She got out her pad to write and had to reflect back… Abe had just seen the strange X-O markings and was hurrying away: Filled with dread he made haste to his office, keeping his eyes lowered for fear of interruption. When it came in the form of Beppo and Ishtal his calm and patient demeanor held true and none were the wiser. Still his heart was fast in his chest as he rushed into his office. He sped to his cabinet frantic at its lock and key fumbling for its inner chamber and the secrets kept therein. He sought the pendant if only to confirm his worst fears. The pendant was gone, his fear confirmed, Abe put his head in his hands and cried. Abe’s jaw clenched and unclenched his secrets begging to be told, now the stories of Ishtal, ‘Ishtal you old fool. I’m too old for this nonsense’ he thought. ‘Ishtal has always been a respectful, decent God fearing man, now what has he done ‘Aiding and A bedding is that how it went?’ A sickening thought to be sure, and quite unworthy of Ishtal much less Abe, and yet... and yet. Abe was a good judge of character, he new that about himself, but was that enough?
The allegations were serious and he had to do something, ‘just not today’ he thought. It had caused him no small grief hearing the allegations against his friend but when the others turned to him what had they expected? That he’d provide sanctions, punishment? It had been too much and he’d put them off.
He’d woken at 4 am, finished morning meditation, graded papers, now he stretched tried to put the previous day’s debacle behind him and waited for his students.
Beppo and Dante showed up first. As they walked in Dante saw Abe and said “Yo morning” in an excessively familiar tone. Beppo followed suit with a cautiously patronizing “good morning Abe”, Then Earl always the follower mimicked the tone but managed the more respectful ‘Father’ salutation.
No one referred to him by his name Abdual Jamal Relanka which he was ok with. He was First Father of the Temple of Light which he mused afforded him exactly nothing; no status, no pay, no time off and obviously very little respect.
He looked at his desk and saw more work and more responsibilities then any of the other fathers, and wondered how it had happened. Father Dunksburg peered in politely then handed him a new folder, which meant a new student. Delores looked at her clock and realized how late it was. She set down her writing and thrust her head into her pillow as if to dive into sleep. Her front door slammed shaking the house. Footsteps could be heard departing. She leapt out of bed and ran to her window in time to see a car door slam it’s tires squealing as it sped away. As it past under a street light she saw it clearly; A red Ferrari with a broken tail light. She grabbed her phone and dialed 911. Day 3 It was 10:45 and Sue was placating an anxious patient. “I am sorry Mr. Fubar she still has not called but I expect her any moment.” It was not like Delores to be late. “Well what if she’s been in an accident? Can you call her?” “If you can wait just another minute I’ll give her a call and see if I can find out where she is.” It did not help in easing Sues mind the matter of Mr. Fubars condition. Mr. Fubar had been a patient (or client as Delores referred to her guests) for no less then 3 years and it was widely known that.... Just then the door flew open and Delores came rushing in. Quickly she collected herself and addressed Mr. Fubar. “I’m so Sorry Mr. Fubar I had a.... “She decided against explaining. “Well would you like to begin?” She said with a gesture to her office. She gave a look to Sue and whispered as she passed, “You will not believe what happened!” Sues eyes were imploring for more. “I’ll tell you later” Said Delores as she hurried after Mr. Fubar. She found him tearing at the edges of a folded note. “Mr. Fubar how have you been?” “Fine, I’m fine, I’m ok. How are you? I mean where have you been? Did something happen? Why were you late? Is everything okay?” “I am fine Mr. Fubar. I had some... car trouble it was nothing really. Is that a new tie?” He looked down as if unaware of what he was wearing. “Oh yes it was a gift from my sisters husband. They came down last weekend. They arrived at 2:40 though we had agreed specifically on 2:30, naturally I was worried.” He recognized the association and made the leap. “Like I was worried just now when you were late, did something happen? Is everything okay?” “Everything is fine Mr. Fubar you were saying your sister visited you last weekend?” “Yes yes quite right. They brought their kids Stephen and Emanuel and were to put them out back to play. I purchased a ball and Frisbee for their pleasure. I warned them upon exiting of the sliding doors still they got finger prints all over the glass.” He looked up making sure I realized the magnitude of his circumstance. She was prepared to allow the session to go over in time as compensent for her late arrival. However at 11:15 the exact moment the session was scheduled to end Mr. Fubar stopped speaking stood and grabbed his hat. “Well then I shall see you again next week. Will it be 10:30 or do you foresee further difficulty with that?” “10:30 should, I mean will be fine Mr. Fubar.” With a parting nod he promptly exited. Delores set about preparing for her next client when she felt the presence of another. She looked up to see Sue peering around her door. Her eyes big her head nodding, she was a gossip w***e and Delores loved her for it. “Okay come in come in shut the door is the outer office open?” “Yes yes they can wait out there. Now tell me what happened!?” “First tell me what color and kind of car was it that your date was driving?” “Oh no! OH please tell me this is not related!” “Oh I don’t know I hope not. It was so scary I could not sleep last night my mind was playing all sorts of tricks. I was reading a murder mystery and started hearing noises and I swear I heard someone in the walls screaming and then steps on the stairs and later when I finally settled down to sleep thinking at last it was all just a weird expression of anxiety I heard the front door slam and I ran to the window and saw a car leaving driving away... it was a red Ferrari” Sues jaw dropped she grabbed Delores by the arm “oh my god no No way it can’t be oh my god he’s sick this is so sick oh my God Delores we have to call the police it’s him” “That’s what I thought when I saw it I could see the back tail light was broken” “Oh my god that is totally him but why how did he get your address how does he even know you?” They were disturbed in there conversation as the shadow of a figure could be seen through the frosted panels beside the door. They both jumped in alarm and realized together a client had arrived. They laughed but nervously and Sue asked, “Should I call the police?” “I called them last night. That’s why I was late today I was up half the night filing a report.” “But still I mean did you know it was him? Did you tell them that? Maybe I should follow up. I mean I don’t know much more but I could give them at least.... There was a rapping on the door and again they jumped. Irritably Delores went to the door and cracking it said, “Hi Blake, give us just one minute and I’ll be right with you.” It was the advantage of having a receptionist without which her sessions would be in constant danger of interruption. As the session droned on Blake went into elaborate and specific detail telling fanciful tales of women he’d conquered and guys he’d beat up Delores could not bring her self to listen. ‘What timing’ she thought. Finally midway through her session she gave up. She begged forgiveness and made up some excuse. Her mind was simply unable to stay focused. She felt her anxiety give way to panic and she had to get out of her office. She said goodbye to Sue while Sue was on the phone and Sue pantomimed calling later. As she left she looked back and saw something was wrong with Sue. She stepped back, “What’s up?” “Oh nothing the phone just went dead.” “Weird did we have a power outage?” “I don’t know I’ll figure it out you go enjoy your walk” Delores went to the park and tried to walk off her stress. She walked quicker and quicker and began looking over her shoulder for fear of being followed. Her fear continued to grow until at last she turned to the direction of her car and ran. It must have been a strange sight. A full grown woman in professional attire running as if for her life, keys in hand across the parks green grass. Anyone watching would have looked beyond her for the man or beast that must surely have been chasing. She sat in her car with doors locked breathing hard and wondering what was becoming of her. She reasoned it was a natural reaction to the night’s previous violation. She tried to think how she would advise a client. ‘I would tell them to be with someone who represented long standing security; someone solid and safe, and to try to have fun with them. To go back to the scene and within the safe feelings of their company explore and re-establish the safety of all their space’ Who could she call? Her mind suddenly was completely blank. Do I have not friends? She thought. I could call Sue but somehow she felt little comfort in the thought. As evening was coming she decided to make haste wanting to get home before the sun had set; as she drove the solution presented. Her neighbor Dug. They were not close friends but had a sort of over the fence friendliness with each other. She saw his car was in his drive and was about to pull into her own when she saw a man at her door. Her tires squealed as she sped away. Her face was flushed as she barreled through the intersection a car nearly hit her as the stop sign flew past. She heard his screeching breaks his horn blared behind her. She was however beyond all rationality and gripping her wheel tight she could only focus on the road ahead. It seemed suddenly there were obstacles everywhere. Her eyes tried to take in the signs, the trees and the lights all consuming her attention. Her foot slammed on the breaks as she saw people on the walk ahead. They were not in her path yet she felt suffocated by their proximity. As the day light was fading car lights came on behind her. They seemed to be like a train speeding towards her. She was paralyzed she could not go forward but felt impending danger from behind. She strained to turn the car to the side of the road. It rolled slowly forward. Everyone she was sure was pointing at her, mocking her. The car bumped into the curb its tires rising up so the car stopped at a tilt. It was all she could do to throw open her door and flee the scene. It was clear to her now that people were coming at her; to hurt her, to steal her purse, to arrest her for her driving. She could not define their motive only that there was malice all around. She looked for sanctuary her eyes frantic. A man with a wild dog was laughing as his dog strained to attack. She saw a bridge which extended over a stream. She ran zig zagging as she went. She raced down to the muddy bank and climbed up under the dark recesses of the bridges underbelly. She found shelter at its peak. She smelled urine and dead flesh. She curled herself tight and wrapped her arms around her knees. She tucked her head down and silent as she could she cried. Day 4 It was to say the least the longest night of her life. It was around 7 am and she was damp, sore and cold. She looked around wondering what the hell she was doing here. She worked her way down to the waters edge and back up to civilization. She walked back to her car wondering what manner of break down she’d had and hoping to God it was a break down and not some onset of insanity. She shivered at the thought. She found her car was parked askew but not so bad as to draw undo attention. She drove home and found a package on her porch. She picked it up and was not surprised to see a UPS delivery from QVC. It was the home shopping network which she did not watch often but now and again it amused her to purchase a novel gift. She opened her front door and was caught off guard with an overwhelming stench. She called Rayne whose toes came tapping furiously across the wood floor. He did his happy dance and greeted her. She tried to remain neutral then finding the mess on the floor she said, “Bad dog, that’s no! NO Rayne No!” She then let the dog out and proceeded to clean the floor. Then she returned called to Rayne and performed a more proper greeting; kneeling down and wrapping her arms around him until they were rolling on the floor together. She checked her watch and while she had just time to squeeze in a run decided she would have a long hot shower and maybe do a brisk walk at lunch. By the time she arrived at work she was feeling her old self again. As she waked into her office she looked at Sue’s desk and saw a man sitting in her seat. She froze and felt light headed as yesterday came back to her. She stood frozen her hand at the door when Sue came walking down the hall. She pulled the door partially open until Sue saw her. “Hey Delores, have you met my brother?” “No I just got here” She said feeling slightly perturbed. “Oh well he decided to surprise me at work. He called just as I was walking in the door to let me know he was in the area. So I had him pick us up some coffee.” Sue handed Delores a cup. “Brian this is Delores, Delores Brian” They shook hands. “I’ve pretty much told you each everything there is to know about each other so, now, here you are!” “Well” he said, “nice to finally put a face to the name. Sis says a lot of nice things about you.” It suddenly dawned on Delores that this could be some sort of attempt on Sue’s part to play match maker. She eyed her suspiciously then looked to Brain, “It’s certainly nice to meet you at last. Will you be in town long?” “I’m visiting some friends; we’re going to the Bengals game this weekend.” “Oh that sounds like fun are you a big um fan of ...them?” Sue leaned as if conspiratorially towards Delores, “The Bengals are a football team” Brian laughed. “I like to go with my boys but mostly I just couch it” “Cool, cool, so you have kids?” Sue at this point decided it was time to let Delores off the hook. “When he says boys he means his friends, couch it means to watch the TV. Your first appointment is in five you better get ready.” “Yes true, Brian nice to meet you” she put out her hand and they shook. She retired to her office and wondered if she’d just made a fool of herself. She sat at her desk and started flipping through her index cards. When she found the number she was looking for she picked up the phone and dialed. “Hi this is Dr. Delores Schmitt I’m trying to get a hold of Shirley... oh yes of course if you could just let her know I called...Yes of course...Okay great thanks. She hung up. She’d decided she had to talk with someone and her friend Shirley (also a psychiatrist) seemed a reasonable choice. Her client arrived promptly at 10:30 she was a middle aged woman, thin, attractive but strained. She had lifelong issues with eating disorders and had just left her second husband. She sat quite proper in the chair and laid her manicured nails in her lap. Her back was ramrod strait. She was beautiful and new it she fed off the admiration of others like a sponge. “So how are things Robin?” Delores began. There was a certain freedom in talking with Robin. Delores new whether she started with ‘I’m constipated or lovely day’ Robin would respond with perfect symmetry. Regardless of what Delores said it was the exact topic that Robin was interested in. “Oh you know same old thing, what’s the saying same stuff different day” She smiled invitingly. Delores imagined it was likely as hard to live with her as it would be to not like her. She had a gift for presentation; friendly, easy going, fun. She was a chameleon for the pleasure of being liked, and had no room in her life for those of her displeasure. Between the relations of love and hate there was a middle place. Those who having gotten in and gained her favor and then had changed to be in disfavor, but not yet having been cast aside they remained as yet in purgatory. This place mused Delores was intolerable for all concerned. Such was the position of her second husband, and it was wreaking havoc to both their lives. “When you say things are ‘the same’ you mean you are still at odds with your ex husband?” A dark shadow passed quickly over sweet Robins face. The room cooled a few degrees then as quickly it passed and with her smile the sun again rose in the room. “He’s having a hard time moving on, you know how it is. I’m sure he just needs more time.” “When you say he’s having a hard time, I’m curious what has occurred to make you think that?” “Oh I don’t think that. I know that.” It was a statement of fact. Her world was black and white and absolute. It simplified things. “You Know that?” “Yes believe me I know the man. He’s called me every night this last week. He drives by the house. I’ve seen him parked down the street. I told him if I saw him stalking me again I would call the police.” “And his response?” “He cried and said he missed me and wanted to try again. You know the same thing they all say.” “Then you did not agree to try again?” “Ha no. I did not. We’ve been down that road. He had his chance.” On a whim Delores asked, “And what kind of car does he drive?” “It’s a stupid little sports car. He calls it his baby, I call it his mid life crisis.” Delores felt a thrill of fear, then dismissed it as too ridiculous to consider. By the end of the session Delores felt no progress had been made, no peeling of the onion that was Robin’s barriers and defense. They scheduled their next appointment and Delores thought to afford a few more sessions for the building of trust before she turned up the heat. That evening at half past eight Delores found herself sipping Martinis with her good friend Shirley. Shirley was a dear older woman who was what Delores called ‘out there’ in her practice. She believed in ‘energy’ and healing touch and human auras and it was all poppycock was what Delores thought privately. Not that positive thinking wasn’t as good for the soul as laughter just that well… her thoughts were interrupted as the next round was delivered. They were seated on stools over looking the street. Behind them the upscale martini bar was little more then a rectangle room made fancy with neon lights and mahogany counter. “I went nuts yesterday” She blurted. Shirley was careful of expression to maintain professional caution despite the friendship. Her face neutral she replied. “Tell me more.” They laughed together. O’Dourves were brought but Delores had no appetite. She began to relay the events of recent days. When she finished Shirley was thoughtful, “You had a terrifying night, you were sleep deprived, and your house and safety were violated. Then you arrived to work late. You had to deal with the stress of clients and you hadn’t had any time to process what had happened before being confronted by furthers stressors.” “When you put it like that it does sound like a lot.” “Yes of course. The body does what it has to - to take care of itself. Your emotional mind was on overload and you weren’t listening to it...” “Alright I like where this is going. I see a prescription of spending time with a friend and drinking martini’s” She held up her glass for a ‘cheer’ “You can’t care for others if you don’t take care of yourself.” “I’ll drink to that.” When she arrived home she got her mail, checked her messages and then changed into her sweat pants and sweat shirt. She spent some time playing with Rayne, and then went through the mail. She set aside a letter from her father and organized the bills; most she paid online but had to write a check for the neighbor boy who walked Rayne during the day. She realized she was famished and went to look through the fridge. At the site of food she felt nauseous and quickly went to open the French doors. She stood breathing in the fresh air as her stomach settled. Then she poured herself a glass of water and wondered if maybe she was sick. As she lay in bed she took up her writing; Abe’s students were just arriving: Abe looked at him and at the mound of paper work on his desk. His fatigue must have shown for Dunksburg apologetically reached to take back the folder. Abe though drew a deep breath and waved him off. As he left Dunksburg said as much to him self as to Abe “I don’t know how you do it Abe, you are truly an inspiration.”
Abe thought, “My work ethic may appear noble to you Dunksburg but it’s the only thing keeping me sane. He enjoyed teaching and could not recall ever doing anything else.
His recollection of his past was vague. When he said he could not recall ever having done anything else he meant it quite literally. He had no memory of his parent’s or his childhood only a few of his teachers remained vivid in his mind. Even the children from so long ago were just distorted and sad recollections.
He preferred to focus on his teaching and living in the present. He taught with a unique style born of a sincere passion and pleasure to the task. He believed in give and take, encouraging the students to direct the lessons by genuine curiosity.
My job he thought is to inspire their desire to ask questions. He challenged the early arrivals with a random quote ‘No one cares what you know until they know that you care’ they stared at him some in rebellious defiance others fearful of failure. “Come on,” he said “tell me what you think.”
But by then the class was full and unusually quiet; the kind of quiet that foretold of things to come. A warning registered in the back of Abe’s mind but such strain in the company of troubled youth was not to be unexpected. He ignored it introducing a new quote, “Debate does not create something new, it like a sculptor’s chisel reveals that which lies hiding underneath” He wanted the kids to develop the analytical ability to think things through for themselves.
More often than not, he would find within the student’s stories and interactions a constant flow of fodder ripe for their developing minds. Today proved no exception, Again the silent tension this time triggering for Abe a point of action. He looked around the class trying to find the source. Dante the cause of many conflicts sat with typical smug indifference.
Abe waited in silence watching the students, letting the tension build. At length Dante’s foot started tapping anxiously, and Abe walked slowly and directly to stand over him. The boy’s expression seemed as jello his anxiety, excuses and preparations for an indignant defense playing out like some theatre of the face.
Then the source of the tension exploded to his feet, his books sailing from his desk. “I’m sorry it’s not.., not my fault” Earl’s usually timid voice shook with restrained emotion his books slamming to the floor as he stood startling Abe. ‘With a calming hand Abe guided the boy back to his seat. "Earl you startled me" He said with calculated precision,
“What’s not your fault?” Earl was breathing hard trying to control his emotions, “That it broke, it was, it was HIM” he exclaimed pointing a finger at Dante, who raised his hands palms up shrugging innocently.
Little Earl Chopien. Danted called him Earl GoPee’n? as if it were a question. He was not one of the brightest students but he had a sweet easy going disposition which made him a prime target for the bigger kids bullying; particularly Dante who was a constant trial for all the teachers and far worse for the smaller students such as Earl.
Chopien wiped at his nose as was his habit. The boy always seemed to have some imagined deficiency of health. Upset he exclaimed, “Dante got angry and started hitting me. I was working on my balance and he started swinging at me with his staff. He had no cause.” There came laughter from the students which Abe quieted with a look. “Go on Earl”
“So I spoke to inform Dunksburg when Dante grabbed my staff and started swinging at me until it broke against my leg” Quite humiliated now he raised his robes. Upon his leg there was a vicious and multi colored welt. Abe glance at the injury praying he would not see what he saw. He looked away quickly dismissing the perception. Still behind his lids the image burned XO. Delores head dropped to her pillow and she was asleep before it had settled. Day 5 Anastasia Svaleti had been a dancer. As a child she’d been thin and beautiful. Her mother doted on her and raised her in frilly adornments to bring out her beauty. She was kept not unlike a porcelain doll protected and safe from the world. Isolated she made her friends from the cast of TV tapes her mother allowed her to watch. They were dancers, and queens, and fine regal types. Her schools were private and elite. The other children were healthy but her mother assured her they were fat. In many subtle ways her mom made clear they were beneath her. Anastasia had few actual friends and eventually became quite lonely. Her mother was her only true friend which suited mom just fine. Then Anastasia met a boy. It was the beginning of the end. Her relationship with mom became a constant battle. For the first time Anastasia asserted her self and her mom became furious restricted her to her room but Anastasia felt a euphoric sense of power and refused. Her life became a definition of all that her mother was not. She started eating voraciously anything and everything until as a 17 year old girl she maxed out at 280 lbs. Her mother disowned her and she moved in with her boyfriend. Within a month she new he was cheating on her. Within a year he was beating her. Five years later she was a helpless obese young woman with absolutely no self esteem. He would not let her leave the house and questioned her every action. She was once again the porcelain doll protected and safe from the world. She was beaten by him consistently for eight years. She got pregnant and thought at last he’d let her alone. He beat her again and she lost the baby. Part of her died with her baby but she found god and by his grace she was reborn. She fled the apartment and lived on the street until weeks later she found a shelter. Eventually she found a minimum wage job as a cashier at a thrift store. She attended meetings for battered women and became an inspiration to many of the women she met there. Today she lay on Delores couch telling of a dream ‘…3 of the men were helping me look for my things. We stopped at one point to rest a bit and sat on a bench and one of them started looking at and holding/touching my feet which were in socks. But he seemed to really like my feet for some reason. It was strange. At some point in the dream I was dancing with one of the men he twirled me into the air and caught me, then he threw me again but so hard I hit the floor and as if I were watching I saw myself shatter the pieces flying every which way. He walked around stomping until there was nothing left of me but dust. Delores took an extra lap around the park trying to clear her head. She was more caught up in Anastasias story then was professionally beneficial. She was feeling a tad better by the time she got to her office but Sue who was usually good at reading her called to her with reckless disregard. “Hey Delores my brother asked me if you were single.” Oh great she thought, “And how did you respond?” “I said yes of course!” She laughed, “But I told him you were not actively pursuing anyone either, but that well… I told him maybe you just hadn’t met the right guy.” “Oh great, you didn’t give him my number did you?” “No,” She said as she picked up a card and handed it to me, “but I did say I’d give you this.” She handed Delores a business card which read Contract Roofing and Supplies. It had his name number and e-mail attached. “Great Sue,” She said looking at the ceiling, “Now what am I suppose to do? Call him?” “Only if you want Delores, he’s a great guy and if you decide you want to go out he can be a lot of fun, No pressure really!” But of course there was pressure. Still Delores thanked her and tucking the card into her purse realized she did after all feel better. She checked to make sure all the blinds were up and made a mental note to keep her office door wide open. Her next client was Dug though Delores always thought of Pat when she thought of Dug. Dug was claustrophobic and Delores suspected he was a cross dresser. When they’d first met Delores could not tell if Dug was a man or women hence she thought of the name Pat. Pat represented to her an androgynous character able to be male or female as Delores had seen on a TV comedy sketch. When he arrived he was wearing a business jacket with what looked like a white blouse and slacks. He had just enough pudge to create the impression of breasts. He laid out full on the couch sat up looked at both windows then the door and apparently satisfied laid back down on the couch and stared at the ceiling. “I don’t know if I can do it anymore Delores” “What’s that Dug?” “This, that everything, I’m suffocating Delores.” Delores got the feeling he was breaking up with her. “Sounds pretty bad Dug, was today a particularly bad day?” He sat up “Can I get some water Delores?” “Sure Dug just a second” “No, now Delores I need it now!” She got up to get some and he grabbed her arm. “Don’t leave me Delores Please” ‘S**t’ she thought. “I’m not going anywhere Dug, I’ll get some water. Why don’t you look out the window see how spacious it is out there? Dug please let go of my arm.” With her free hand she reached back to her desk and grabbed her mug gripping it as a weapon. He yanked violently on her arm and the mug was thrust forward hitting the arm of the couch and falling to the floor where it shattered into several pieces. He released her as if realizing what had happened. “Oh s**t Delores I’m sorry I was just trying to stand up” He placed both hands to the couch and hefted himself to a standing position. He was clearly embarrassed and unsure how to proceed. Delores shared the sentiment. “Dug I think you should go. We will discuss this later.” He departed looking properly ashamed. As he left the sound of his feet crushing the mugs porcelain remains echoed familiarly in Delores’ head. She cleaned up and shut shop for the day. As she was heading out Sue stopped her. "Oh," said Sue "My brother was asking about you again, you still haven't called him?” "Um, no ma'am" said Delores her eyes checking out water stains on the ceiling tiles. "I was just about to when I was ... let’s see what was I was doing... oh yeah working. I have one of those things... What are they called... oh right a job." She meant to be light hearted and they both laughed but it was strained. Delores was close to snapping. She decided what she needed was to go shopping, maybe find her self some new shoes. She parked at the first spot she saw. She hated driving around like a shark hunting for a meaty spot. The walk was good exercise she reasoned and feeling rushed was not healthy. As she walked into the mall she was considering calling Sue’s brother Brian. ‘What the hell’ she thought ‘having someone to see a movie with might be nice.’ Then the mall smell hit her and she felt light headed. It dawned on her she still hadn’t eaten. How long had it been? She passed a bagel shop and then a sandwich shop. The more food she saw the less appetite she had. She put her hand to her stomach and felt its hollow growl. Adamant to find something she went into a nutrition store and bought the first health bar she saw. She tried not to think about it merely unwrapped it and picked at it as she walked. Security came out of nowhere and surrounded her. She looked up, her first thought was some terrorist threat or backpack left untended. She looked around and saw no other disturbance; more annoyed then anything she asked, “What’s up?” “Ma’am if you could come with us.” “No.” She said automatically defensive. “For what, I haven’t done anything” “Ma’am please come with us.” They positioned themselves as if preparing for resistance, one forcefully taking her arm. In that manner they forced her to walk with them. She was indignant and confused, finding herself at last sitting in the manager’s office. At that point they grabbed the nutrition bar out of her hand and placed it on the desk. “Ma’am do you have a receipt for this?” She almost laughed then it came to her. “Oh crap” she said under her breath. “I’m sorry it was an accident. I haven’t eaten in two days and ... I am NOT a shoplifter. Honestly it was an accident.” She looked around and saw indifference. Eventually the manager agreed to not press charges but she was not to patronize his store again. Delores felt like an idiot and she was angry. How dare they not believe her story. As if she’d steal a stupid candy bar although she felt robbed paying the two dollars the stupid thing cost. ‘What was the world coming to?’ She rushed home while carefully staying under the speed limit and obeying all the traffic rules. She pulled into her drive and looked carefully up and down the street. Then she ran to the door opened it and went strait to the bottle. Quickly she poured a glass of red, played with her dog and got out her book desperate to enjoy all the things that helped her relax. It took her about an hour to start winding down. She laid on the floor her dog beside her “Rayne,” She said. “I love you” Rayne’s tail thumped once as his mouth opened and his tongue came out. It was more a question then answer. ‘The question, thought Delores is ‘what does dog food taste like?” She decided to dim the lights and put on some soft classical. She found some candles and lit them as well. It occurred to her that a nice hot bubble bath might be nice. She was considering it when the phone rang. She jumped then answered it. “Hello Delores?” “Yes?” “This is Abe Relanka” “Oh hi Abe, how are things?” Abe was like a father figure. Well Abe actually was a Father. He was First Father at the Temple of Light way out nowhere near the village of Quantoo, and obviously an important part of the story she was writing. Delores did some work there and gave referrals when appropriate. Delores liked the work and was looking forward to spending another two weeks there. It was like a vacation albeit in a third world country but they were surrounded by nature and her and Abe had a special relationship, though she suspected that was just the way Abe made people feel. “Delores I am sorry to put this on you over the phone. I’m calling in regards the boy Dante. There’s been an accident.” “Oh no is he alright?” “No... I’m afraid....” There was a popping sound and all the lights flashed. She listened for more then said, “Hello? Abe hello?” the line was dead. She tried to call several times but there was no answer. She tried her cell still nothing. After going through her rolodex she gave up and took her bath. She got out her notepad to write and decided first she’d leave a message for Shirley. She called her machine and said, “Hi Shirley, something is totally whack. My life is just not making sense it seems like I’m cursed. Every day it’s something new. Anyway I was thinking if you had a slot available and weren’t opposed maybe I could be a client for awhile just till I get through this. Yeah so anyway give me a call tomorrow and let me know what you think- Kisses.” She hung up and taking up her pad. She wrote: “Hmph,” Dante snorted derisively, his eyes glowering at his foe “accidents happen eh pip squeak.” Abe took one of his characteristic deep breaths and willed himself to be patient. If he closed his eyes he could almost see Todd sitting in Dante’s seat ‘Amazing’ he thought, ‘how one goes and like water another rushes in to take his place’.
With firm resolve he excused the boy, “Dante go now, wait for me in the office lounge, and do not make matters worse.”
Abe looked to the older students encouraging their participation while Dante removed himself a smug smile playing at his lips.
One of the older boys, Jin supposed Abe hearing the mature tenor of his voice, responded, “We do not fight with anger. When we confront anger we let it pass through us and in so doing it returns to the sender.” Abe nodded as Dante rolled his eyes,
“And where does anger come from?” Again Jin spoke “It is our fear that we are weak.” Abe took another long breath. “For now let’s just call it fear.” he noticed Dante at his departure and the look of fury in his eyes. Abe thought, ‘That one he is a danger to the other children. I must remember to bring this up with the Fathers.’
Thinking to diffuse the situation he said, “I’d like to take a walking meditation in the forest. I invite you all to join me and think on this: “Is it possible that anger results from fear to protect us from the illusions of our mortality?”
With these words He stood and with a methodical slowness born of many years practice began walking towards the forest trails. Of course all the students followed. Little Earl ran to his side taking his hand.
Abe often interrupted his classes for such walks and the students loved to do the meditation walks though they often ended up playing as much as walking. Abe supposed that was as it should be, though He would never encourage it outright.
Today however they did not make it to the forest. The group of students walked slowly. Each step a fully measured and thoughtful experience. The next step not taken until focus was in place the mind in this moment aware of the breath, the smell, the feel of the air, the sounds around them.
As they neared the forest a cry rang out shattering the silence. “Father, father!” Abe though had already noted the focus of the boys’ attention. He walked calmly yet quickly to where the boy stood. At his feet was a basket of sorts but not like any basket he’d seen before.
It was an oval, shaped like a football but with a metallic sheen. The lid more like metallic lips protruded over its contents. Abe looked into the basket and saw sparkling blue eyes staring up at him.
He grabbed the metallic basket and felt his hand go hot. He meant to quickly set it back down when the clear blue eyes locked onto his. He froze in a blissful calm. Like a cool wave washing away all else but the baby. He smiled gently replacing the basket enraptured when suddenly he felt the urgency of a protective nature. He looked around unable to feel at ease until sure all was safe. Then he noticed his hand, by the smell of burning flesh. In his palm the marks were branded in permanent and clear distinction. He held his hand close and read: Xy-x0Y
He startled feeling rather then seeing the woman. “Quickly” he told the students “back you go, to the temple all of you. Go to the conference room inform the Fathers there, you Jin take the child.” With that he ran. He was gone before he could be questioned.
He was forbidden to speak of what he saw, the lady in red; her robes not unlike his own fleeing the scene, abandoning her child forever. Eventually it seemed as a dream and he suspected a trick of the eye, but when he viewed his hand the truth was self evident.
His mind flashed her image as she turned to face him the pendant held out. He saw no expression but he ‘felt’ her smile.
She set down the strange pendant with the XO design, and when she stepped back and pointed he new it was for him. He reached for it, hesitated then grasped it in his hand. She was in his head then he saw maps and plans thoughts, ideas, all sprouting from feelings like colors, from music like notes. Impressions began to form in his head, the baby and him self connected. He was guide? ...protector, ahhh feelings of complete washed through him and he knew he’d understood. The feelings abated like wiping a chalk board clean. He felt new feelings becoming images trying to form words. As the expression formed it made no sense he voiced his confusion. “Earl?” He said confused and felt a rush of intense purpose the two set as companions the feeling complete. Finally what came to him was a confusion of despair. He saw death and chaos and conflict, feelings of lament, sorrow, and grief. It was like a dream of visitors reaching to embrace old friends but their bodies were too frail and they turned to dust in the visitor’s arms. Then he saw his own voice blowing the ashes away. He expressed the words that came “I cannot speak of this?” again he felt complete. With sadness to her eye she reached out to him and he felt himself falling to her embrace, but she was gone. He was on the path where the baby had been as if he had not moved. The woman a distant memory as if she was but a dream. Day 6 Finally it was the weekend. Delores reveled in bed. She asked Rayne to fry up some eggs and hash browns and if he wanted some sausage to check the freezer. Raynes tail thumped against the floor. "Is that once for yes? and twice for no?" His butt wiggled and he scooted closer, "What's that? Timmy's stuck in the well?" He made an impatient whine and she tossed off the covers saying, "Okay boy wanna go outside?" He danced enthusiastically and she raced him to the door. As she flung it open he charged out nearly knocking over the man standing there. She yelled, "Rayne!" in alarm then realized she was naked but for her panties and open robe. "Hi Delores, do you remember me? Brian Sue’s broth...." he stood admiring the solid oak door. A minute later the door again opened and Sue was wearing Jeans and a sweatshirt, her voice warm and welcoming her eyes condemning him to hell. "Brian, sorry about that. I wasn't expecting you." "Yeah I know I'm sorry it was well I was just in the neighborhood and remembered my sis telling me you lived here and I thought 'well I'll just pop up and say hi' maybe see what you were doing but now that I'm here I feel really stupid" They laughed together and she warmed a bit. Rayne came back from his business and familiarized himself with Brian's butt before heading back in the house. "Well since you're here why don't you come in and join us for some breakfast." She walked to the kitchen and he sheepishly followed. He sat down and waited passively as she went about gathering ingredients his anxiety growing until finally he jumped up, "Can I help?" She smiled enjoying his discomfort then pointed out the coffee. He spent as long as he could perfecting the filter, pouring water and measuring the grounds. Delores sipped and had to close her eyes. It was the strongest cup of coffee she'd ever had. She casually made to removed the filter as if it was part of her routine and saw the grounds had been packed to the lip of the container. "Brian, have you ever made coffee?" He smiled sheepishly. "Is it too strong?" Her eyebrows went up. "Sorry I um I usually just buy my coffee." She laughed, "Well no big deal I'll try sleeping again next year." They ate some eggs and she got his help with some crossword questions, then asked if he wanted to take Rayne for a walk. He was clearly pleased and she handed him the leash and said, "Have him back before dinner" His face fell. "I'm just kidding come on" When they returned she figured that was enough for one visit. "Well Brian I'm glad you stopped by it turned out to be a nice way to start the day." "Cool, I'm sorry about not calling first, it won't happen again I promise." "Good please see that it doesn't" She said quite seriously. "Oh Brian, do you know what a Frenulum is?" Day 7 Sunday she dedicated to projects. She got out her list and tried to find something motivating; Paint room, buy new plants, clean gutters. She drew a line and started a new list; take Rayne to Dog Park, read a book, call a friend, go to movie. Finally she gave up and decided to think about what she wanted to do. An hour later she and Rayne were picking up Brian and heading up to the falls. They spent the day taking pictures and walking the trails. He treated her to lunch at a cute little tourist cafe and she bought a trinket for Sue. By the time she got home she was eager to spend some time alone and set up her writing space.
In days to come whether it was by curse or coincidence he could not say but something evil had unveiled itself and the temple that had so long been sanctuary to so many began a metamorphosis day by day inhabitants not besought with illness and malcontent began to quarrel and eye each other with ill intent as if as a beast of fear and loathing had awakened to each heart. He wrote:
‘Our darkest fears began to haunt our dreams to whence we would awake and find it all come true. It was a madness that began the ravage of our peace... We dared not speak openly of it each holding tight the secret and their fear… but I knew for the sunken eyes and haunted looks around. Accidents occurred more frequent and unnatural deaths unknown before became the cost of living more.’
‘When had it started’ thought Abe. When had things gone south...before the baby, and the strange woman it was when Todd had disappeared and Dante had shown up. Was Dante connected? What was Dante’s story?’ He went to fetch the file. Dante sat in the manager’s office. He could see his friends acting the clown through the office window; they smirked unsympathetic to his plight. The manager a rotund middle management nobody from nowhere kept staring at him like he was a bug and his boot had an itch.
‘Dad would walk all over this clod. Dad drove a major 4x4 with duel axle drive bearings and a cami quad over haul system. He was the man’ thought Dante
They waited. Security was on its way. Dante tried to avoid the man’s eyes. Every time his gaze passed by he’d hear the mans thought’s,
“Think yr pretty smart, dont’ya boy?”
“F**k you”
Dante became sullen. This crap was nothing. He’d been through this a thousand times. The cops would lecture he’d show remorse “It will never happen again… I’m sorry… it was peer pressure bla bla…” big deal. But then they’d call his mom that’s what was getting him down. ‘This time’ he thought, ‘I’ll try something different.’
The manager still recovering confirmed, “yes sir first time anyone much less a kids ever whipped it out and pee’d on me”
He ended up in a counselor’s office. Mrs. Schmitt. It didn’t require a genius to work out her nick name. Though in truth she wasn’t so bad, she was a strait shooter.
She was viewing his file. The boys name was Dante. He was not here of his own volition. He had a long record of infractions the last being shoplifting, well the actual last was when he stood up and peed on the store manager who was holding him hostage in his office, but the boys file reported shoplifting and truant behavior.
She invited him in and offered him chair or couch. He chose the chair as clients often do at least initially. “Hi Dante, how are you?” “Fine” He had his arms crossed and legs pulled in tight. She brought her chair out from behind her desk. She wanted to limit the barriers between them. “So why do you think you’re here today?” “I dunno” “You don’t know?” “No” he shrugged. She waited. She had to show him she was on his side. If he talked it would speed up the process. His eyes wondered around the office. He began to fidget. Still she waited. Their eyes met, “What?” he said. She picked up his folder. “It says here you were caught shoplifting.” “Yeah so?” “So do you think that’s why you’re here?” He shrugged. “Maybe, I dunno” “Can I ask you a question?” He shrugged. “K I spose” as if he sensed he had no choice. “The order I have here from the courts is that you are to perform 200 hours of community service, you are banned from the store and you are to begin therapy for and I quote ‘no less then 8 sessions’ At that point your future will depend on the recommendations of the therapist.“ “Yeah, so?” “So Dante... that is what they want for you. My question is what do you want for you?” This brought a sudden change in Dante’s demeanor, not quite hope but perhaps opportunity. “Like what do you mean?” “Well like they want you to do 200 hours of community service and come see me at least 8 times possibly more. What do you want?” “I don’t really care. As long as I don’t have to go home it’s all the same to me.” “So you are okay with doing community service as long as you don’t have to go home?” “Yeah it’s fine by me.” She waited knowing this was the critical point for the session. She felt the tension growing and waited a bit longer. “So you’d rather not go home?” “F**k no... I mean I’m sorry” He began blushing not meaning to have spoken so. “Its okay, go on Dante ... You’d rather not go home?” “No way man that...” he caught himself this time, “my mom...” tears began to pool and his lips trembled. She eyed the tissue box but held still afraid to lose the moment. The boys eyes cleared and his wary reserve returned. “I just don’t want to go home. You asked what I wanted. That’s it.” “If I gave you some paper and asked you to write whatever came to your mind about your mother could you do that for me?” “Sure” It was a gamble so soon in the session but she felt him so close to sharing she’d decided to give it a shot. It would at least be a place to start. “Alright Dante our times up for today, But I want you to know I hear you. Home is not a place you want to be. Let’s start with that when next we meet. If you feel like writing you can, and if you want to share your notes or not is entirely up to you. We’ll see together if we can’t come up with some solutions.” For the first time he seemed to consider that perhaps she was not the enemy. “Yeah ok sure” “Do you have a ride coming for you?” His reply came quick as he fled the room, “Yeah I got it covered.” She picked up his notepad and read:
“Mom the drunk, the f*****g waste of space nightmare b***h from hell. No wonder dad left. I’d leave too if I could. She was bad news and I have the scars from being her ashtray to prove it. But if that’s not good enough well f**k it I’m not gonna tell you about the other ones. But trust me it’s not a pretty picture.”
She had 15 minutes in between clients, enough time to write up some notes, use the restroom and get some coffee. She typed a note to Abe ‘Potential new pupil?” and underlined the thought... She was sipping her coffee and browsing through her next clients file when the light flashed indicating he’d arrived. Delores laughed delighted and amused thinking ‘what do I do with my day off but write about work. I am truly pathetic’. Day 8 Monday morning started with a new client. His name was Frederick Neilson, A simple strait forward man not bad looking, well kept, reasonably stylish, nothing fancy but solid. If you saw him on the street you might not notice him. He looked back and forth between couch and chair unsure of where he was to go. “It’s up to you” Delores said unhelpfully. He sat on the couch. As we talked he reclined and eventually gave in to the comfort of lying out full. “I've been friendly with 'my' stylist for a while, and it turns out, she's into me. It seems that asking someone to teach you a few words in their native tongue makes you suddenly attractive.” “You don’t think you are attractive?” “Well I don't know, no one's ever written home about me! Still she's asked me out.” “Despite the language barrier?” “Yes I know but really, there was no miscommunication. She made her desire quite clear. I declined as gracefully as possible, but, I wanted to say yes.” “You wanted to say yes but you declined?” “Right, Where's the problem you ask? Well, of course, I'm married, and I have a child. I should be more than content with what I've been given. Other female friends of mine say that my wife really loves me. I don't doubt this at all, I just don't feel like I deserve it. A gift I don't deserve.” “Your wife loves you and you don’t feel you deserve it and another woman has asked you out” “Yes after 15 years, I'm very conflicted in my feelings. I want to love her back, but, I've lived with years of emotional abuse from her. For example, screaming at me when I bought her flowers. I have been the focus of her unresolved childhood 'daddy' anger since the second week of our marriage.” “You said you don’t deserve her love and you don’t love her.” There came a pause. Then Delores continued, “Tell me about her unresolved ‘daddy issues’”. “It’s only improved in the last 3 years. If it hadn't, we would definitely be separated. She tearfully apologized to me one night, and said she realized what she had been doing and would change.” “and did things change?” “I had fallen out of love by then. I have felt for years that I was in a failed business partnership, not a romance--still feel that way. I decided to stay together because of our child.” “So her ‘daddy issues’ have improved but there is still no love. It’s not just a business relationship for the child but a failed business relationship?” “Well things are better, the abuse has curtailed, but yes I am still miserably unhappy. Whose fault is this? Does it matter? The temptation is so unbearable.” “It sounds like when you want to stay together you think about the child and when you want to get away you think of the ‘daddy issues’. “When 'the stylist' leans over the chair, smiles, speaks to me softly and runs her hands over my lips, I know I am in serious trouble. This is not some nonsense G-rated fantasy, it happened just yesterday. I shouldn't go back, ever. She only wants the security she thinks I can offer her. But I probably will return. I am a moth, and a fool. She is a Vietnamese girl, she is the flame that will engulf me, completely, and destroy me utterly.” The session ended and Delores took a few notes �" Clearly established all guilt and fault for relationship onto partner - Daddy issues and abuse are gone but he needs them back to help push him where he wants to go. If they aren’t there he will fabricate create new issues to help facilitate his nerve? Things to consider: Where do you want to be 2 years from now? How will this impact your child? She tucked the notes into his folder and put it away. Then she went out to see how Sue was. Sue was filing her nails viewing an open cosmopolitan magazine. “Hi Sue how was your weekend?” Sue's eyes lit up with enthusiasm and she held up the trinket Delores had set on her desk. "You did it!" "Did what?" she said feigning ignorance. "Oh come on! You called him don't try to lie to me I already know. He told me everything!" "Oh my God he told you everything? Then you already know about the baby?" she said patting her tummy. Sue laughed. "And just so you know I did not call him. He showed up on my doorstep Saturday morning." "Oh sorry I should have told you he's not all that suave with etiquette, but you had a good time? What did you do? Do you like him? Are you going to see him again?" "Hold on cowboy, it was just casual and the first thing he did was try to poison me with caffeine." "Oh no... really? Cause he said the first thing you did was flash him." Sue laughed and was delighted to watch Delores’ face turn red. They were chatting when Ishtal arrived. "Hold him for just a minute I want to get his file out" Delores went off to her office and Sue told Ishtal to have a seat. Five minutes later he was still standing admiring the wall art when Delores invited him in to her office. "How was your week?" He looked nervous and unsettled. "Well I had a new student show up, introduce him self. Talk to the entire class and then disappear." "Disappear as in not return to class?" "Disappear as in he was never there. The other students don't remember him. The intake forms are all blank. The notes I took regarding him said one thing when I wrote them and said something else when I looked at them again later." "It sounds like a poltergeist." He looked at her for mockery, but there was none. "Yes that is exactly what he was. Before this year I would have laughed at such an idea. I am a spiritual man but I am not prone to flights of fancy. I know a real boy when I see one." She considered the accusations against him and had to make an effort to dismiss her train of thought. "Considering the allegations against you and the timing of this poltergeist do you think the two could be related?" He did not try to hide his irritation. "What because I wrote a story and am accused of some twisted intentions with these children I therefore start seeing ghosts?" "Honestly Ishtal the only reason I mention it is because I have been under a great deal of stress my self and I can't fully account for all the weird things that I've been experiencing. My point is just that stress causes us to see, feel, and think with less clarity then we might otherwise." "No I understand and it actually makes some sense, but I swear this boy was so real, as real as you sitting here with me now." She couldn't help but imagine herself disappearing and leaving him sitting all by himself. Her mind wondered away with the thought. She was thinking 'what if I am just a creation of his imagination' when he cleared his throat. "Oh yes I'm sorry what were you saying?" "I was saying our time is up." "Ah yes of course." She closed his folder and stood looking at the clock and realizing they'd only been together for 15 minutes. She looked back and was caught off guard by the smile on his face. He laughed generously, "Don't worry Mrs. Schmitt it happens to me all the time. My students have learned to recognize what they call 'the far away' look and pretend the bell has rung. Sometimes they actually get out of the class before I notice." This sweet exchanged changed the dynamic between them as they both felt a greater repartee and she worried at her ability to remain professionally objective. It was a warning Abe had offered Ishtal is indeed a layered man. “You present quite well Mr. Ishtal” “I hope it’s because I’m actually on okay guy. Does it feel to you as some sort of airs I put on to gain favor?” “No quite the contrary as Abe informed me you seem a genuine and delightful man. But this can of course be more troubling as guards are dropped and even decent men can fall short of Gods grace” He laughed, “Funny to hear such a reference. As a Father who presides at a temple you’d think it common language and yet as you well know the temple of light is more about the path of virtuous living and charity then worship and idolization.” “So what Father Ishtal do you propose? If you were to counsel someone in your predicament how would you guide them relative to the path?” “Ah” he said appreciating the perspective and thinking for some time “That is a new light to see this from. I cannot separate myself from my knowledge of innocence. Yet I would counsel humility, that the accused might remove him self despite the price from any further possibility of confusion.” At this his tone quieted as a deep sadness caused his body to reduce in size. His eyes watered as he took the weight of his sentence. Delores did not move nor speak but felt herself with him in the heaviness of the moment. At last his eyes came up to hers. “Delores I have no other life; The Temple, the teaching the children. It’s all I know, all I am. The sacrifice you ask if my life.” She almost blurted that it was not her who’d asked it, but caught her self in time, and waited, knowing the more important work he was managing within. When he stood she recognized a new man before her. He was strong resolute and the light of his conviction was clear. “I will meet with Abe. May call upon you next week?” She held out her hand feeling words to be inadequate but unable to offer the embrace. She instead conveyed it with her solemnity and hand. He departed and she sat content feeling some purpose and validation in her work. Her phone rang. It was Sue. She could hear her in stereo through her open door and on the phone. Sue seemed to think it quite amusing. Delores hung up on her and walked out to her desk. “Hi Sue” “Oh Hi Delores, here’s a new intake request forwarded via Sylvia at Sound Mind, and this one from Judy from Rape relief. Sue handed her a couple folders and she perused through them. Sylvia wanted her to call asap (as soon as possible) so she went back to her office, closed the door and dialed. “Hello this is Delores Schmitt for Sylvia.” She was transferred the phone quickly connected. “Delores, hi thank you for getting back to me so quickly. I had a guy come in off the street today and he’s in pretty back shape. I didn’t have the time or where withal to do a full intake but I want to get his guy, Joe covered. He presented as suicidal and it sounded serious. I’ve left messages with three other counselors but my gut tells me this guy needs to be seen now.” “Okay Sylvia I’ll do some juggling. Where is he now?” “He’s in the lobby. I have an intern basically holding his hand until I can refer him.” “When he first presented what did he say?” “He walked up to the receptionist claiming he worked at the SMH clinic and wanted to know if we provided our clients with any medications that if taken inappropriately would lead to death. He wanted a list of all such medications. Fortunately Linda our receptionist called me.” “And you confronted him?” “I did” “And by what manner did this interaction proceed?” “I asked if he really worked for the SMH clinic. He tried to suggest he was not an official employee but did some liaison work etc. It was rather weak. So I asked him if he’d of late had any difficulties in his own life. He started to cry. I asked him he’d be willing to meet with a friend of mine.” “And then you called me?” “Oh no at that point I had one of our interns go through the suicide intervention intake form with him. Obviously he already has a plan and while I did not ask I believe he may have already written a farewell note.” “What makes you...? Oh well never mind. If you’d like to send him over, let’s see it’s 12:00 now can he get here by 3:00?” “Yes oh 3:00 would be fabulous! Thank you Delores I owe you. Oh his name by the way is Roger” Delores felt her heart skip. She took a breath and dismissed the coincidence as chance. She gathered her things preparing to take her lunch break and walk around the park. She checked with Sue as to her next appointment. “It’s Mr. Mkintley at 2:45.” ‘Oh no!’ she thought remember he’d been late and they had to cancel. Then she remembered the walk they’d taken and reasoned it had been a reasonably effective session. She walked back into her office and called his cell phone. “Hi this is Delores Schmitt calling for Mr. Mkintley.” “Hello Delores this is he. What can I do for you?” She was not used to his voice sounding with such authority. “We have an appointment scheduled for 2:45 and I just received an emergency call regarding another client. I was unable to coordinate their needs without conflicting with our appointment.” “Not a problem Delores can we reschedule perhaps same time tomorrow?” She had to think back to who she was talking to so taken was she by his presentation. She’d only experience him in times of great suffering and grief and this man bore no resemblance in her mind. “Um yes that would... oh well I may already have an appointment then but I was wondering if... you remember last week we walked the lake. It felt good like an effective session. I was wondering if you had any free time before 3:00 and would want to try a repeat in Lou of or as a different approach to the therapy.” “Hold on one second...” she heard his voice strong and direct giving commands and then discussing appointments and scheduling. “...Sure Delores, what is it now, Almost 1:00 how about 1:40 at the benches by the fountain?” At 1:40 she was walking towards the benches and saw a well dressed man she recognized as Mr. Mkintley sitting with his back to her. His head down, shoulders slumped he look displaced. She thought ‘if you put a homeless man in an Armani suit this would be the effect’. “Mr. Mkintley?” He stood up strait his presence and power momentarily reflective of the man within. Then as if remembering who he was he shrunk in upon himself. “Shall we?” he gestured to the trail. They walked in silence for a spell. Then she decided to take the risk. She told him of her impressions as she approached and as he stood. He smiled weakly as if seeing it all for himself. “That is the condition of my circumstance. I’ve spent my life acquiring wealth, power, material things and position. It created for me a persona a sense of who I am. When I lost my daughter the shell remained but everything inside it has rotted and died. What you see initially is the shell reflecting who I was and the closer you look the more you realize how empty it is inside.” He spoke ‘matter of fact’ and Delores wondered at the value of driving him to his emotions. ‘Of course’ she considered, ‘that is ultimately the way back for him. The way to recreate his sense of self, but must the shell be broken as well?’ “Gerald, you say everything inside the shell has rotted and died. Do you want to clean it out? Get fresh soil, plant new seeds?” As he listened to her words she saw them sink in past his shell, past the rot of his life and to the place he kept his daughter. He wrapped his arms hugging himself tight. Delores new he was really hugging Shawna, holding onto her. He was not yet ready to let go, but this place inside himself. Where he was now, embracing his daughter or the void she’d left, it was the place to start. By the time she got back to the office it was almost 3:00. She had very little time to prepare herself and find an intake form before her client ‘Roger’ was to show up. She went to her desk. Her chair was facing the window as she walked around it she let out a shriek. A little boy was sitting in her chair. His face pale and gaunt he looked weak, starving and sickly, but his eyes were calm. He was at ease without worry or concern. He smiled easily. It was the smile an adult might give with compassion to an anxious child. She tried to gather herself. “Excuse me, can I help you?” She tried to remember if Sue had said anything about having cousins or maybe Brian had a kid. “I am Aikay” “Hello Aikay, my name is Delores. Is your mom or dad around?” He smiled with secret knowledge. “Aikay I have a client coming. If you’d like to wait in the waiting area I’ll let Sue know you are here. Maybe you’d like a book or something while you wait for...?” “Your 3:00 is not coming.” “Aikay do you know who my 3:00 appointment is with… Is it your dad Aikay?” His smile remained easy on his lips. He watched her as if she were a specimen in jar. They listened to the clock ticking on the wall. “I am sorry Delores your 3:00 is dead.” His voice had lost all inflection. “What? Why... how do you know? Aikay who are you?” “Delores you can’t allow such forces into your life” “I can’t… why? Aikay please tell me what you mean? How do you know about my 3:00?” She looked at the clock. It was 3:08. She heard the outer door open and thought ‘that must be him’ “Hold on Aikay I have an important client that I have to meet with but I want to... just hold on...” She hurried to the outer office and bumped into Sue. “Oh hi Sue, I thought you were... I had an emergency appointment... and well he’s late. If he comes in please buzz me right away” “Sure Delores, what’s up? You seem frazzled...” but Delores had turned around and rushed back into her office. The chair faced the window. She grabbed its arm and spun it around. It was empty. She looked under her desk. She tore her office apart but the boy was gone. She walked slowly back out to Sue. “Sue did a little boy come running by here?” “No… well I didn’t see anyone” “There was a little boy in my office he said his name was Aikay. He looked sick” “Well maybe he ran back to the bathroom?” She went back and searched the bathroom, the closets even around the fake tree. The boy was gone. There was no trace of him. It was as if he’d never been there. She waited until 4:00 then called Sylvia to tell her the man never showed up. Sylvia asked who she was. “This is Delores we spoke earlier about a referral for a man you thought to be suicidal?” “I’m sorry perhaps you spoke with Edith? “No
Sylvia I spoke with you about Roger you said he came in asking for medications
that could lead to death and you thought he was suicidal?” “No, I’m sorry Delores it wasn’t me, is he okay?” “No Sylvia the man never showed up!” “Okay wow that is strange, I am sorry Delores. Could it have been a prank?” “I don’t know Sylvia… anyway thanks for your time, if you happen to hear anything will you give me a call?” “Yes of course Delores I’m sorry I couldn’t be more helpful.” She hung up her teeth were clenched as she looked through the caller ID history. There was no record of Sound Mind or Sylvia. She grabbed the folders with the intake request and ran out to Sue. She tossed them down and Sue watched her with frightened curiosity. As she opened them she saw the intake request for Rape relief. She opened the other folder. It was empty. She looked at Sue her face turning red with Anger. When she spoke her tone was low and threatening. “Sue, where… is… the file on the suicide from Sound Mind?” Sue’s eyes were big and she swallowed hard. Her mind racing to remember if she’d misplaced anything. “I didn’t touch anything, I swear” Delores’ voice broke, “D****t Sue I need those forms!” “Okay Delores lets take a breath. I’ll help you look.” They searched and searched. “Where did they come from?” Delores laughed. It sounded maniacal. “Okay Sue this is not funny.” “Really Delores I am not playing a prank I promise” “YOU gave me those forms this morning! You did... Please do not tell me you don’t remember that” “I remember giving you one folder with one referral. I did not see what it was about.” “Okay Sue, I’m sorry. I am obviously going nuts... No wait a second... The little boy! He stole them!” Sue hesitated then spoke carefully, “... I never saw...” then thinking better of it said, “Well he’s gone now” Delores stood breathing like a bull about to charge. Then she flipped her hair and gave a little laugh. “Okay well whatever… I’m going to head home. You let me know if any aliens show up.” She dismissed the entire affair and went home. When she arrived she found Dugs nose poking over her fence looking for her gossip fix. “Hey Dug what’s up?” She walked over to her. “Watch out for Mrs. Piggy she’s on the war path.” Mrs. Piggy was what Dug called Betty. Betty was the neighborhood garbage collector. She was a clinical case for hoarding. If you left anything out to recycle she’d grab it, more then once Delores had seen her own things poking out from the stack of garbage in Betty’s back yard. Betty was also obese and nosy. She had anxiety issues and was always peering out her windows expecting to find evil lurking behind every new face. Delores had considered enlisting her support after her house had been broken into but decided the price was too high. Dug was giggly with sharing her next prank. She liked to entertain herself by leaving things out that Betty would collect that would end up rotting or exploding or causing poor Betty angst. It amused Dug to no end. “I found this at a thrift store.” She held up a Childs doll. It looked pretty harmless. “And you are going to leave that out for Betty?” “Ha yes I’m going to leave it out for Betty you wanna hold it?” Delores was smart enough to know better. “No thanks, what does it do?” Just then sounds issued from the doll “Wannnna holdd ittt...noooo thks wuttt doesss doooo” It was eerie and scared the crap out of Delores who jumped back. Dug was bent over trying not to explode. She thought it the funniest thing ever. “It listens and then repeats what it hears, but it’s so messed up it sounds possessed. Betty is going to s**t” Dug had another fit of laughter and Delores felt a sudden pang of pity for Betty, but she laughed too. Then she felt guilty and excused herself to let Rayne out. She spent her evening writing. It came with such fervor she felt she was no longer writing the story but the hand of someone elses work: The Students of the temple of light were a rag tag mix of children, they came from broken homes, referrals from the courts, abusive homes or runaway kids picked up by the police… one thing they all had in common was a core of fear which Abe supposed derived from a well founded lack of trust. He’d met with Mrs. Schmitt and she’d made the trip to tend to her referral.
She had an office there and extended stays were quite common as her staffing was considered by part of her employ at the temples service. It was her job and often delight to meet with the children for the maintaining of records and ensuring the emotional well being of them all. She was however not feeling well and begged some time to rest. So Abe took on just one more duty and was reviewing the children himself.
He sat at his computer his one concession to the modern age. It was time to update the resident files which he took on for Mrs. Schmitt. He brought the students in one at a time for the quarterly review. “Have a seat Dante.” He said as he glanced over the boys file refreshing his memory; arson, shoplifting and an abusive mother. His message icon was flashing but it could wait. “So, Dante you’ve been here now what’s it been three years?” “Yes sir.” “Well what would you say if I told you your mother wanted to come visit?” The boys face turned white, his knuckled tightened on the arms of his chair his grip fierce. No matter the room was upside down he was held fast and secure by the force of his determination. “Yeah no worries, I mean if she wants, sure.” “Well Dante it’s up to you. I mean I can’t turn her away without cause but if you were say sick well I’d feel terrible but I probably wouldn’t be able to allow the visit.” His face noticeably brightened. There was a moment of quiet. Then, He coughed.
Mrs. Schmitt took a turn for the worse her head was spinning, her ears ringing and finally when her cough began to produce blood she begged their pardon and excused herself to the medical facilities.
They sat around the table, five of them their identical robes heavy in the summer heat. They were discussing the missing boy. Abe deftly avoided the topics of the disciplinary hearings and ailing staff which were on everyone’s mind and turned the conversation to the new child.
The topic was to him a ray of sunshine on an otherwise cloudy day or year as the case may be. ‘We’ve seen the attachment you have with the boy” Said Dunksburg. “If you want to keep the child no one is going to stop you. As usual Father Orloff’s face turned red with restrained fury, but Dunksburg not noticing or not caring continued, “Whatever is to be done I’m quite sure Abe has already clearly thought it out.”
There was no hierarchy of authority no official leader amongst them, though Orloff acted as though there was. Abe was dubbed the First Father of the temple which was more about respect then authority. He had a natural compassion and patience that produced a character both wise and intelligent. Whatever the reason most of them trusted, respected and deferred to him, and those that did not had little influence.
So when Abe suggested “It’s time to give the boy a name” they waited patiently for him to tell them what it was. “Many of you have heard the stories; some of you have seen the boy and know for yourselves. The boy is unique” He looked around hoping no one guessed the real depth of the sentiment �" the inquiry being his real motive for the meeting.
“Obviously whoever left the boy is not coming back. We’ve received no response to our local inquiries. Until such a time as his parents or family is located I am taking it upon my self to keep the child under my care. If there are no objections I would like to name him Eric and raise him here as one of our own.
I will my self take responsibility and charge of the child until such a time as his parents are found. Are there any objections?” Father Orloff who liked to talk even when he had nothing to say touched his forehead as if pushing up his glasses then pointed as was his habit when he was generously bestowing the vast benefits of his wisdom
‘’We absolutely CANNOT keep the child. He does NOT belong to us! He has a family that is responsible for him and to him.” He turned aiming an accusatory finger at Abe, “Furthermore we have long established protocol for the introduction of new pupils and I AM SORRY but they do NOT make allowances for under age children JUST because we might find them ENDEEARING”
The others unperturbed looked to Father Abe eager to hear his retort. But it was Father Dunksburg who spoke, “He is not the first child to be left at our door step granted he is the youngest. We have sent word to the villages and if something is amiss we’ll hear back soon enough.”
Having addressed Orloff he dismissed him and turned to Abe, “My concern is for your time. Father Abe already you take on so many responsibilities, your class time alone leaves you little time beyond your duties to care for yourself much less free time to care for a child.” Abe waited for further comment, when there was none he replied calmly but with finality.
“I appreciate your concerns, if the boys family is located we will decide then what is to be done, in the mean time I will make some adjustments to my schedule and of course any support you’d like to offer would be welcome. I will not however turn away this child.”
The name Eric lasted approximately two hours when it was introduced to its new owner Eric. Upon hearing his name he looked up and for the first time ever he spoke. Father Dunksburg said it was his attempt at pronouncing his name while Father Orloff insisted he was telling us his actual name, regardless what he said was, “Aikay” the sound something like A ick key though there were several variations amongst the temple walls from Ericky to I icky, even Eyekey all of which the baby seemed to play with as it explored the new sounds and range of it’s voice. The name that stuck though was Aikay.
As father Abe watched the child it stuck him how odd its eyes were, so blue. They seemed to be watching him as he moved. Father Abe experimented slowly rotating his head across the baby’s field of vision side to side. The baby’s eyes followed him back and forth. Looking into the bright blue eyes it seemed there was an intelligence there looking back.
Abe felt a calm serenity with the child. He felt it then the voice in his head, no not a voice a song. It came in long drawn out pitches, highs and lows something sad and timeless. He couldn’t remember ever having heard such a tune before and he struggled for the melody. An image started forming in his mind and as it did he recoiled, suddenly dizzy his head pounding.
He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a headache. He thought to go see if they had any aspirin when he noticed quite suddenly the pain was gone; the baby cooing pleasantly. The baby made no noise no crying for hunger or water or worry, but looking down at the baby he could not shake the feeling that he was being assessed as if the baby was evaluating him. He laughed at the ridiculous idea and yet the eyes and the way they remained steady on him. “He did seem to have a wary sort of alertness like an animal” thought Abe.
As another faculty took ill the pieces of a puzzle seemed to want to stick together. All pointing to his new charge as some bearing of ill tiding. Abe would not submit to such ridiculous superstition. It’s worth noting that while a spiritual man he was none the less well grounded in the ways of science and good reason.
When the child was one: It began crawling it didn’t ‘learn to crawl, didn’t struggle, didn’t wobble never tried and failed just decided one day that it wanted to get from point A to point B and off he went crawling easily across the floor. Several days later Abe still hadn’t gotten used to his adroit mobility when he got up and started walking...Abe took a deep breath as goose bumps ran the length of his arms.
It was at this time the other became alarmed. Abe had noticed long ago and hid the awareness from him self as much as the others. The baby was developing too quickly. His size remained small but his skills awareness and structure seemed to far surpass his years.
When the child was two: Abe sat reading to Aikay. The room was littered with toys. Today like everyday Abe had arrived early and found Aikay standing on boxes his fingers white as he clung to the edge of the windowsill watching the older children play; the paint on the window ledge worn away; it like Aikay hostage to the daily ritual. Abe cried out inside tired of unanswered prayers. What to do; isolate a lonely child or throw him to the wolves?
When the child was three: Abe sat holding Aikay. The child’s weight unchanged. He felt like a waif; like a weightless bundle of love. Abe bowed his head against Aikays and cried silent tears. He was afraid for the boy wanting to protect him. He’d grown to love Aikay as the child he’d never had. As the unloved child he’d been. Aikay must have sensed his distress. He reached his tiny arms around Abe and held him. © 2014 EricAuthor's Note
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Added on June 2, 2014 Last Updated on June 2, 2014 Author
EricSeattle, WAAboutInterpreter for sign language - mental health therapist I've written a novel but it needs something and I'm not sure what... hoping to get feedback to make it swoosh. more..Writing
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