The Storm inside of me

Dark Clouds

  Layer

    after

       Layer

Surround the sun

and make the light

go dark.

Everything suddenly seems

LOUDER!!!!

as thunder crackles

and rumbles and remains

for many seconds

causing my heart pain.

A fearful storm brewing

causing destruction inside of me.

The wind blows harder out

than it does in.

Branches fall off trees.

A bolt of lightening.

Then...

 

 

the rain.

Reviews

[PaperHearts]

That was an awesome write! The imagery that you created was so detailed, and so descriptive, and I thought that the whole concept of thunder and weather in general made for an incredibly effective metaphor. I liked how at the start of the piece you changed some of the formatting, and I kind of wanted to see more of that! Maybe experimenting with the font, or the size of particular words, could result in a really visually effective poem. The content though, was perfect. I really enjoyed reading this. :)
~PaperHearts

[RDOriginal]

I really like the use of a storm as a metaphor for internal turmoil. Especially the way that everything builds up and then there's a huge explosion of pain and a lull before the rain/tears begin.

You seem to be revealing that there are many levels of hurt inside the heart that result in this storm. It takes "layer after layer" to block out the sun rather than one single thing. Maybe that's also saying that the narrator is generally a very positive person and it requires many things to drag them down into the storm.

You've made good use of graphology in this poem. The stepped "layer" section, the bold word "dark" and the empty space before "the rain" all give the reader extra visual clues as to how to interpret what is written.

This is a very good metaphorical poem.

[Charles]

Good sequence to describe the storm and its effect on you. The split-off stanza at the end is very effective. Keep up the good work.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

A wonderfully metaphorical look inside the heart that has been broken... I especially love this part...

A fearful storm brewing
causing destruction inside of me.
The wind blows harder out
than it does in.

[Undying Glory]

really great description here, it gives a whole deeper meaning to the poem in general. you've really nailed the description of inner turmoil in oneself with this. awesome

[Livana Lowell]

But with rain comes sunshine after awhile. All storms clear away sooner or later. I think you brought out the phrase: Life is like a storm a lot dragging it out to create a unique picture that the reader can relate to. I have no advice here.

[Denni]

nice poem! sorry im not very good at reviews, i always feel im repeating others when i type these things. i think ive seen that picture before. i wish it would rain too

[Ashley.M.E]

This is a really good poem, well done.

[R E Tree]

Wow the heart ache in this is expressed so amazingly. I could see a lot of imagery in this of thunder, dark clouds and trees. But the best bit was the ending "Then... the rain" that was remarkable it made the poem totally worth reading and it created a beautiful flow. I think that is some talent you have.

[indu]

loved some sections like first 7 lines and last 6 lines.. im not sure whether the storm in you has connected with the nature's play for me.. keep writing..love the idea :)