Slow Down!

Going on a trip with my new car was all I could think about until we met some hot babes at a stop light. This guy was great until I let him drive my car!

"Haylee, slow down!" My friend Anastasia demanded. I was too busy having fun on my first day driving with my licensee to actually listen to her.

All I could feel was the wind in my hair. A new girl behind the wheel. All I could think about was driving with speed.

I wanted to be like those people you hear about on the streets, speed racing and winning before the cops even see you. It was all new and exciting.

We were on our way to Kansas City, thirty five miles away from my small, dorky town. I was surprised my parents let me go, speaking that I was just turning 16. It was the best day of my life.

"Haylee, seriously! Slow down!" My friend Hannah demanded. Rachael agreed. They thought I was going to fast.

"Chill. I have this under control." I assured them. They all rolled their eyes and I sped up until we hit a stop light. I wanted to race, so when I stopped, I looked around at all my contesters.

I saw a black commaro filled with boys. The passenger side’s window rolled down and I smiled when I saw some really CUTE boys!

"Hey, cutie. What's your name?" the passenger asked.

"Haylee. These are my friends, Anastasia, Rachael, and Hannah. What are your names?" I questioned back.

"The driver is Todd, these guys are Greg and Nick, and I'm Robbie." he explained.

I looked back at the light as it turned green and said, "Keep up and I'll let you hang with us."

I took off and left the commarro in dust for a moment. The wind blew my hair back and forth through my face and then I looked over and saw the commarro actually contesting us. I was street racing and I liked it.

It was a neck and neck race until I realized I was hungry and pulled over at Burger King.

"I so totally won!" I exclaimed as we all got out of the cars. I looked at the guys and noticed that they went to our school. They could tell too. I blew it off and went straight inside where I ordered a burger with cheese and some fries.

When we sat down, I began to eat my food quickly. Hannah was a slow eater so I knew we had time to talk. I asked Robbie about his interests while he talked to me and asked me about mine. I explained to him my love for sports. I told him about my family and what my plans for the future were.

Robbie listened intently while he placed his hand on mine for a while. Everyone else was too busy to actually care that we were in deep conversation.

"So, I want to do something in the pros with sports and then my plans are to move on to law school. I'm great at arguing so I would defiantly prove my case."

Robbie laughed as I explained my last argument with my parents. I explained that I won that argument and my parents never tried to take me on again.

“So tell me, Robbie, what’s on your mind right now?” I questioned.

“Well, I can tell you that I’m thinking you’re beautiful. I also think that you have potential.” he explained. I smiled and moved by long, bouncy curls out of my face and pushed them behind my ears.

His blonde, shaggy hair swung in his face as he shook his head to throw his hair back. I smiled and put my left hand on his right hand which held my right hand. I gazed into his eyes and smiled some more.

I always heard stories about him being an amazing guy, and finding out for myself, he was. I enjoyed every minute of the conversation.

“Okay, so we’re heading off to Kansas City tonight and I was hoping maybe you could come and hang out with us.” I suggested.

“Coolio.” Robbie stated.

When we arrived to the hotel room, it was four girls, four guys, and one hotel room. It was a great night just to get to know Robbie better. The others spent the whole time talking and I was excited just to be talking to Robbie.

I thought it was love when I found out that I was acceptable to actually talk to Robbie Montell.

The excitement overthrew me. We loaded in the cars but we made some switches. Three girls sat in the back while I wanted Robbie to sit in front and drive for me. I was very tired.

Instead of going home, we spent the whole day driving and filling up on gas. We raced and my friends may have gotten a little freaked out. Anastasia got nauseous so I allowed her to sit up front with Robbie.

I talked with my friends and they held onto me while Robbie made sharp turns.

Dark took over the day and Robbie was still driving crazily. I laughed most of the time until we almost hit a kid riding his bike across the street. Then I began to freak out.

"Robbie, I think you should slow down." I asked politely.

"It's alright baby. I have this handled." he assured me slightly.

It wasn't enough to hold me over. His driving was too fast and I began to get scared.

"Robbie, slow down!" I yelled. He looked back at me with a hurtful glare and all I could do was look back. I had to choose between our lives or jeopardizing the relationship I started with Robbie and I began to grow selfish. I really wanted Robbie. I just nodded and looked at my friends who also gave me hateful glares.

We stopped one more time for gas and by that time it was ten o'clock. The roads began to get slippery and rain started to pour. I never approved of driving in the rain. Even when it was my parents, it scared me to death.

"Robbie, I think we should all go home now." I suggested.

"Just a second babe! I want to street race my buds in the rain." he demanded.

Robbie took off driving in the slick roads, swerving and going crazy. I began to pant and lose my breath. Was a guy really worth the lives of my friends and the pain of their families?

"Robbie, SLOW DOWN!!!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. He looked back for a moment while my friends saw that I finally understood the dangers of my driving. I looked out the window instead of making his gaze and then I saw a bright strobe of light flash through the window so I yelled, "ROBBIE LOOK OUT!"

Before he could slam on his breaks, the car came in head on collision with a diesel truck. Robbie looked forward and swerved the car to Anastasia’s side. I heard the car door open and Robbie jumped out landing on his arm. His face slid across the pavement and Todd quickly slammed on his breaks before he could hit him.

The car flipped off into the ditch, completely smashed in the front.

I thought it would never stop flipping until it hit a tree and started on fire. My head hit up against the seat and I fell unconscious.

When I woke up, the fire was out, Robbie was gone and I was being loaded onto a stretcher. I opened my eyes just slightly. It was just enough to see my parents standing by the rest of my friends’ parents, crying or mourning. I looked over to an ambulance and saw Robbie getting patched up on the face while he was wearing a brace on his arm.

I passed out once again and this time slept for a second. The paramedics kept trying to keep me awake in case I had a concussion.

Every time I closed my eyes, a woman in an emergency suit shook me slightly and kept me talking or moaning. The noise of the helicopter I was loaded into was loud enough.

"Can you tell me your name? Your mother was crying too much to tell me!" the woman shouted at the top of her lungs, above the large choppers.

I mouthed the words for a moment, not able to say a thing. She asked me again.

"Haylee." I said quietly.

"Well, Haylee, we're taking you to the emergency room! Stick with us okay!" she requested loudly. I nodded and kept blinking to keep my eyes open.

The helicopter landed and the paramedics pulled the stretcher out and rushed it into the hospital. I was immediately in the surgery room and I couldn't remember what happened next because I was out like a light.

Once I woke up, everything was blurry for a second until I saw my mom sleeping by the bed. I opened my eyes fully, feeling my head. There were bandages all around it while I felt stitches on my chin and wrapping on my ribs.

I tried to sit up but the hot, lancing pain rushing through my broke ribs would not let me. I let out a faint scream, waking up my mom and sending doctors in immediately.

"Where's Anastasia?" I asked searching the room for my best friend.

"She's gone, honey." My mom explained.

Before asking any more questioned, I knew exactly what she meant. I broke out into silent tears. If I cried any harder, the pain would rush through everywhere in my body.

"What about Hannah or Rachael?" I questioned.

"Hannah is in surgery. Rachael is in crucial condition in her room. We have her hooked up to wires and meds. We pray that she lives through this one. It is rare if she does. She had too much blood trauma." the doctor explained.

I paused, sighed, and licked my lips. "What about the guy...who was...driving my...car?"

The doctor looked at my mom and my mom looked at me. "What guy?"

"A commaro was stopped by the accident with four guys looking in on it. They explained that they were racing you four girls when you lost control on the slick road and hit the diesel truck. A young man, Robbie I believe, got out and jammed his arm trying to help and the fire blazed his face but that was all that were heard of from the boys." my mother explained.

I closed my eyes in the hospital bed and thought for a moment. "When can I go home?"

"In a couple of weeks." the nurse said when she walked in the room. She set down some gross looking hospital food and then left the room.

My mom gave me a kiss on cheek where there were only scratches and then left to go home and be with my father.

The first week out of surgery at the hospital was the worst. I couldn’t sleep because every time I tried to get comfortable the pain rushed through my ribs.

The second week, I slept a little better until the doctors rushed in with worried, sympathetic faces.

"We thought that after we informed the family, you should be the next to know along with Hannah. Rachael didn't make it through her second surgery. Her heart was too weak and she died before we started." Dr. Roberts explained.

I didn't sleep all week. How could I when two of my best friends died in a car crash that was my entire fault.

When I went home, I was set up in a wheel chair. The hot July sun blinded my eyes as it shone in my face. I looked away, not ready for beauty and enjoyment.

On the ride home, I watched out the window while kids ran around together, jumping through sprinklers or hanging out with their friends; the friends that I didn't have anymore.

When we pulled into the driveway, the phone rang. Hannah was home too.

"We're pretty lucky." Hannah stated.

"Not so much. Once I'm stabilized and emotionally fit, I'm grounded for the rest of my life."

"At least you still have your life. Doctors say that something may go wrong with me. If my arm doesn‘t heal the way it should, I could develop some sort of cancer or what have it. They let me go from the hospital just to see how I held up." Hannah explained.

I said absolutely nothing. Hannah knew I was thinking and hung up the phone.

After a couple of weeks, my ribs started to feel better and I could stand up. The wheel chair was no longer needed. I still sat in the living room by myself, keeping myself active by cleaning the house and re-cleaning even when it was spotless.

Finally, my dad got the courage to talk to me. He knocked on my door and I answered it like normal, but still a different person.

"May I ask what you were thinking?" he asked enraged.

I flinched, wondering why my dad hadn't yelled at me weeks ago.

"You could have died! Why in the world would you be out there doing crap like that?"

"You think I don't know that!" I yelled, bursting out into tears. "It was my fault! Don't you think I'm suffering enough, knowing that I killed my best friends?" I curled into a ball on the floor, sobbing to myself. My dad tried to hug me but I pulled away and ran into my room, blaring the music so loud that I couldn't hear my dad knocking on my locked bedroom door.

When he was at work, I would sit in the living room. When he was home I would never leave my room unless I had to use the restroom. School was about to start and it was just me and Hannah starting our junior year.

I walked through the hallways on the first day of school, still different and still alone. Hannah and I would say hi to each other in the hallways sometimes but eventually we lost touch and never talked.

It was the worst first day ever especially when I saw Robbie with his friends. He took no acknowledge of me there. People would always talk about me by saying, "There's the girl that lost her friends."

I said nothing to Robbie when he was alone and tried to talk to me. I'd shut my locker and walk away.

When I got home, I set my stuff down and sat in the living room by myself again. The doorbell rang and I made no motion to move.

I heard voices after my mom answered it and I could hear that it was Hannah's father. He explained something quietly to my mother and when he left, she came in the room and explained it to me.

"Haylee, sweetie. I have some bad news. That was Hannah's father at the door. Hannah had to go back to the emergency room and... Well....the doctors told them both that she wasn't going to make it. Her cancer developed quickly and it effected her quicker. Hannah died two hours later."

I stared at my mom for a moment and then hid my face in the cushions of the couch. I cried for a moment and then stopped when the doorbell rang once again. My mom answered it.

Robbie let himself in and walked into the living room without as much as saying hello to my mother. I looked at him and said, "I have nothing to say to you."

"Please, Haylee. Just let me explain." he requested.

"Explain what? Explain how you didn't listen to me when I told you to slow down and take me home? Explain how, even after the accident where you were fortunate to walk away with only a broken arm and large scrapes on your face, you said nothing to me. I was just the girl in the car accident." I yelled frantically.

"I feel horrible. I really do. Look, I didn't come here to make you feel worse. I heard about Hannah and I wanted to see how you were holding up." Robbie explained.

"I'm fine." I said bluntly.

"I guess I'll leave then." Robbie said.

"Goodbye." I rudely kicked him out.

"I really am sorry." Robbie explained as he left my house.

I sighed and then looked out the window as I watched him leave.

The next day at school, I was sitting at lunch alone, once again. I watched Robbie in the lunch line and my eyes followed him as he passed my table. I set my hand on my cheek and played around with my food.

"This looks worse than the hospital food." I said to myself.

I sighed and then laid my head down while watching more people walk passed me. Everyone stared while most of them talked about me. I could hear them- although they thought I couldn't.

Robbie walked passed with his friends once again. This time, he was dumping his tray after seeing what he was going to eat.

"Dude, she looks like a loser by herself." Todd laughed. The rest of Robbie's friends laughed. Robbie looked at me with sympathetic eyes and dumped his tray. They walked passed again but this time, Greg said something.

"I wonder if her dead friends are making fun of her."

I looked at them, tears filling my eye sockets when Robbie pulled Greg by the shoulder and throwing a punch to his nose.

He looked at me and then hit Todd for his earlier remark. Then, he wiped himself down and sat down right beside me.

"I'll never let it go that far." he explained to me. I smiled and he took my hand. He brushed the hair from my face and kissed me slightly on the cheek. I let a couple of tears rush down my cheek but Robbie wiped them off immediately.

It was time for me to forgive and forget. Where ever my friends landed, I knew that they would be happy with the Lord. I kept praying for them to be happy with Him and I knew he answered most of my prayers.

Author's Note

This is not a real story. I had a dream about me losing my friends in a wreck and I made a story from it. It is a touching story and I almost cried just writing it. I hope you enjoyed it. Dont' be afraid to leave comments.

Reviews

[Samee's twin sis- Shand..]

OMG. Don't listen to those stupid reviewers. I think this was great. I loved it to death! lol. You don't need to work on anything because you're a great writer. Love ya tons. Having a great time in New York. Too bad you didn't come with me!

[Maria C. Donado]

I agree with Roxx and EMily Rose. Although this story DOES have potential, there's still a lot you need to work on. Like the grammar, and other stuff that I'm way too lazy to put down. It was still a good read though. Nice job. ^^

[Emily Rose]

First of all, this story needs to be run through a spelling and grammar checker. This is ALWAYS the first step when you write a story or poem - editing for spelling and grammar is very easy in today's world, and having your story free of any unnecessary errors is the first step to making it better.

Secondly, I totally agree with Roxx. It's a good outline, but it needs much more general development. The relationship between Haylee and Robbie is almost instantaneous, and relationships just don't happen that quickly. There are also parts of the story that are highly unrealistic: for example, I don't care how slow you are, it doesn't take ANYONE over an hour to eat a burger from Burger King. Fast food is fast - that's the whole point. Also, no girl wouldn't notice if someone's hand was up her shirt or in her pants, in fact other people would notice too. For this reason I think it would be much more beneficial to have the Burger King scene pave the way for the relationship but not officially begin it, i.e. they could talk (dialogue is a great way to devleop character) and then invite the boys to Kansas City. It makes far more sense for Haylee and Robbie to begin the more physical side of the relationship in a hotel instead of on the road. I'm also a little confused about the car situation - were the boys always following Haylee's car in the Camarro?

As for the hospital scene, there is NO WAY a girl that was just in a car crash and has broken ribs and a possible concussion is getting out of there in two days. And didn't you say that Hannah was in critical condition? "Critical condition" generally means that the people have to be on life support, hooked up to a bunch of machines just to stay alive. If Hannah died as a result of the accident, she never would've left the hospital. It's also ridiculous that Robbie made it out "without a scratch." If the car flipped three times he would've at least broken a bones - realistically he probably wouldn't have made it, especially since he was the driver.

I know this is a lot of criticism, but I really do think that this story has potential. You just need to remember to be realistic in your goals and to develop the characters some more. Good luck!

[You Don't Know Me]

I know you said this isn't a real story, but so much can be elaborated on. You give us statements, but the story overall lacks detail. I'll be able to connect to the characters when there's more depth. I think this is a great outline, and if you expand it, this can be a wonderful story. The grammar and spelling mistakes are distracting but can be easily fixed with some proper editing. Keep writing!

[John Stussy]

It is a really touching story, I loved reading it. The scary thing is that something like that can really happen. Thankfully this case is only a fictional story. You're a good writer. Saw a few grammatical mistakes, but they don't take away from the story at all. A little editing and it will be perfect.