Her

A man's feelings.

Time stops:
My heart is an inch
Above the ground, ready to
Shatter into millions of emotionless shards.
The look on her face is blank.
That my heart is about to break,
That my life is about to be nothing,
Has no affect on her.
Time starts once again:
Her gaze of nothing turns into
Satisfied hate when my heart
Is destroyed.
I unclose my eyes to the pain;
A broken man, I bend
Down to consume what's left of my heart,
Losing the last shred of dignity
She let me cling to.
The remains of my heart
Turn to dust and the unforgiving wind
Sends it to Oblivion.
As I lay on the ground,
Broken, Cheated, and Fading,
As she stands over me,
Eyes like hate and breath like fire,
Everything's realization permeates through me:
I hate everything about her--
Why do I love her?

Author's Note

My experimentation with free verse.

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

love free verse...because it is not confined to form which can get so stiff.
good piece, but yes, have felt this many times...she wants to move on---has her own agenda...and doesn't realize or care about the hurt and pain what she is doing is causing..

leaving is so hard on the one left.

[Shy_muse]

This is truly a meaningful, powerful, sad and beautiful poem. Its difficult to go through break ups and we can't control love or choose who we do and don't love - even though that would often save a lot of heart ache.
"I hate everything about her--
Why do I love her?"
I wish that this wasn't true, but it is the realist verse I have read in a long time. I can't wait to read more of your writings. Thank you for being brave enough to share. < 3

[Pushkar Prabhat]

a successful experiment.......
the passion in this heart breaking piece hints at personal pain.......
hope you move on soon.....
those times are the worst....
beautifully written....
i loved it!!!
:)

[Matching Socks]

You've described so well the one sided break up.
One person clinging, the other person already moved on.

[Sami Khalil]

"I unclose my eyes to the pain;
A broken man, I bend
Down to consume what's left of my heart,
Losing the last shred of dignity
She let me cling to.
The remains of my heart
Turn to dust and the unforgiving wind
Sends it to Oblivion."

A well written poem...Thank you for penning...:)................

[Chelle]

Absolutely brilliant description of emotion in this poem. And I really enjoyed your usage of time to provide vivid imagery of the event. This is a great poem a lot can relate to.

[Angi]

I am afraid the heart does not discriminate. It loves who it loves, even when you know better. I can feel his ache. Nice work, Curtis.

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear Curtis

Thank you for your request to review this poem and which I am more than happy to do.

Please just note in advance, I tend to review long, as I feel I should return in full measure the careful thought given to the piece by the writer.

Let's start this review as follows.

Form: You say you experiment with free verse.

Well let's look at how one dictionary defines it:

'Verse composed of variable, usually unrhymed lines having no fixed metrical pattern'

So far so good.

So how then do you define verse?

You have to struggle past definitions which require rhymes and metrics to get to this definition again in one dictionary:

'A particular type of metrical composition, such as blank verse or free verse'.

Actually if you follow that whole line of argument, you end up in a vicious circle.

So how do you define blank verse then. Here's the most complex from Wikipedia:

'Blank verse is poetry written in unrhymed iambic pentameter.[1] It has been described as "probably the most common and influential form that English poetry has taken since the sixteenth century"[2] and Paul Fussell has claimed that "about three-quarters of all English poetry is in blank verse."[3]'

But then you don't do iambic pentameter here.

Let's try a simpler descriptor.

Well there aren't any simpler ones for blank verse. They all end up with Iambic Pentameter.

So my definition of free verse?

Anything goes.

Unique writing.

And that is where I take up my position with this piece, which I admire.

Your piece:

Poetic in form - single lines

Rhyme - none

Rhythm - a beat which is mellow but variable.

Any problems so far for me?

No. As I say anything goes in this version of poetry.

Meaning:

This is my favourite part. It is where the writer attempts to convey a message and their sole reader responds to it within their own personal experience.

From every reader a writer will only ever get a unique response.

It is in the end an intimate conversation between two people, writer and reader.

So what is my personal emotional response?

I am immediately bought into your sentiment, as I recognise what you are talking about in my own experience of life.

Let me pull just a few of my favourite lifts so that I can explain to you what I mean:

'The look on her face is blank.
That my heart is about to break,
That my life is about to be nothing,
Has no affect on her. '

'A broken man, I bend
Down to consume what's left of my heart,
Losing the last shred of dignity
She let me cling to. '

Broken, Cheated, and Fading,'

'Eyes like hate and breath like fire,
Everything's realization permeates through me:
I hate everything about her--
Why do I love her?'

So how do I relate to these well penned words?

You could be talking here about unrequited love at one end of its generic. That is mostly where a man or woman meets someone and they feel emotionally engaged and whether the other says anything or not, the feelings are not returned.

However, what I think you are talking about here is a love established torn apart where one wants the relationship to continue, whilst the other does not.

Why so?

Your line:

'Broken, Cheated, and Fading,'

I shall give you two examples of my life where your words ring bells in my head. I have had four long term partners in my life. But on each occasion they foundered upon the rock which is my bipolar disorder:

1) First marriage (and first real love):There was an initial immediate spark. We preserved tit through think and thin. We married with lots of guests. However my work drive (the product of my bipolar disorder) meant in the end I scarcely saw her as I travelled the world on business.

Then I turned up one day to hear here say 'We need to talk'

She admitted to adultery and claimed the relationship over. Whist I still had the passion, she had none.

It took me at least a year to recover. It was as in your poem a form of bereavement. Perhaps worse because the loved one is still alive and capable of being accessed and making love with goodness knows whom.

I had endless nightmares after that, and I can see the words writ large in your poem of a head swivelling, first with a loving smile and next with a mask of evil, mocking, leering hared.

2) If you read 'Acute' on here, you will see my fourth long term partner has just left me after my having another stay in hospital because I am mentally ill. Instead of being loved and comforted in 'illness and in health', she walked and left me because she could not deal with my illness anymore.

There was a sudden switch.

One day we were lovers and best friends, engaged and destined for marriage with soft loving words and the next, she has gone, all communication strained and no matter how much I say to her 'please come back' she won't.

That is the essence of your poem for me.

That is what I see in your lines and in between them.

Now you have had my review from one reader to the writer.

In summary, an anything goes form of free verse, accomplished writing, underpinned by a meaning which must apply to many of us in our experience of life.

I hope this helps.

With my warmest regards


James Hanna-Magill

[Acucena G.]

"I hate everything about her-- " its a very good poem , you still love her because is what love does , it likes to play games with our hearts, well done

[Sharon]

This is amazing. It's beautifully written. Really descriptive. The pains of love is a terrible feeling. You expressed it wonderfully in this poem. I like how you compared a broken heart as losing the last shred of dignity. Overall, nice emotion and feeling. Great job and keep writing.