Not of This World

I love sitting on the beach, the warmth of the sun, the wind...

I stare into the beautiful powerful waves in front of me.  Deep in thought, I can feel the wind lightly caressing my face.  I love this time of the day.  The warm sand underneath my fingers, radiating though me like warm coffee on a cold day.  The sun exploding into a fire dance across the sky, painting flames in master strokes in reds, yellows and orange.  I close my eyes. I can feel every breath, entering my body, invading my soul. 

 

I open my mouth slightly to inhale the cooler night air deep into my lungs.  The crashing waves reflecting my inner most feelings, soothing me, caressing me, filling me.  For a moment I am alone in this universe, hunger pulsing through me for what’s to come.  I can feel my energy pulse in existence stronger than this life, fiercer than this present reality.  I instinctively raise my chin as if in surrender to this life that draws me outside of now.  This alternate reality that holds me, frees me, teases me, frustrates and torments me. 

 

Caught up in this entangled net of reality, struggling to break free.  This constant suffocating pressure threatens to engulf me, forcing me to grasp for my every breath above the crashing waves.   I will fight, claw, scream if I have to, but this life will not pull me back or pull me under.  I start to feel my spirit rise above this sea of reality, this world of darkness, towards the flames of freedom no longer in submission to these chains desperately trying to hold me back.

 

Like an eagle rising above the clouds, catching the wind caressing me higher into the crimson sky, I soar, higher, faster freer than I’ve ever felt.  I exist within this universe everything contained within my soul, everything a part of me and I in turn a part of everything.  My breath slows; I want to freeze everything in awe of the moment.  The wind dancing around me as if to acknowledge my presence and worshiping at my feet, caressing my body.  My thoughts floating seamlessly without confusion or burden.  Understanding this life and the universe for a moment completely, without the fog.  Then I flinch for a second, feeling something drawing me back.  I want to fight it, but spiral downwards involuntarily.

 

I feel myself slowly returning to this fixed vector we call life.  I want to burst open, explode into the universe, but I’m mired into this world.  Stuck as mud clings to my ankles holding me in place like a fly in a spiders web.  The waves growing louder, pulling me back to this present reality.  I exist here in this world, but I live in another.

 

This life not a place of torment or punishment, but a place to explore, live, expand, so that we can one day experience the openness and pure ecstasy we are meant to surrender to. 

 

I feel the winds gentle caress against my face, entangle my fingers in the warm sand and curl my toes into the crunching beach.  I feel this life, its warm embrace welcoming me back.  The soothing waves like a lullaby calming me and washing me clean.  A new beginning!

 

Author's Note

first draft. there is a lot here that is in my mind, but i am not sure what is coming through and what has remained in my thoughts - any input appreciated.