Mine

From a chronicle I've kept- my first shot over the bow.

I spent my childhood trying to see myself from others’ eyes

Envisioning a willowy whisper in the summer wind

A starburst spilling soliloquies under stage lights

Something mesmeric enough to be wanted to be seen

And now I see

The happy, selfish, loveless lover I’ve become

Who lives for no one but myself, for the joy it brings

Puts on my favorite winter hat

Spins dizzying circles in the parking lot

Plants spinach and peas and seeks out stories

And writes like this

Not because anyone will see it

Not because a thousand years from now, someone will care

The way I used to imagine that they would

I care.

I light my salt lamp, say what I want, and forgive myself

This life

My life

It’s a flight and a free fall and it’s mine

Author's Note

I'd genuinely love some constructive feedback here. I've isolated my writing practices for the past couple of years, and I'm hoping that branching out again will do some good.

Reviews

[Brad Dehler]

Congratulations on the Universal Award for the Imitating Imitation contest! good work

[William Michael Reeves]

No isolation to be found in writerscafe. Let your branches sound! I really liked the line 'the happy, selfish, loveless lover I've become'. I think most of us might relate to that at some point in our lives. And we could all hope to still be read in a thousand years!

Let me read you more before I start to get constructive. I feel like you punctuated this poem enough to make it worth the effort to completely punctuate it. Didn't feel like enjambment was enough.

Bill

[Alice Miller]

You can't know how excited I am to scour through your writing. I may set aside some time to fully punctuate this one, see how it reads- and I appreciate that detail, since that's one of the things I've grappled with since day 1. Much obliged, thank you for your time, and take care!

-AVM

[JE Falcon]

4th line, 1st word; I saw "Something" but my mind read, "Someone". (???)
This was a resurrection poem worth reading, a born-again testament to doing it your way. And It Worked Well!

[W. Barrett Munn]

Alice,
First of all this is good - really good. I get the sense of a little of Mary Oliver combined with Emily Dickinson. I especially like your use of alliteration - it's subtle enough to seem unforced and therefore natural. The minimal use of enjambment works well in this poem. It has a nice rhythm and it adds to the mystery with the short lines at the end. Quite a solid effort. Congrats.