Chap. 2

Gasping for my last breath I awake to preposterous darkness, still coughing and gulping on my own saliva. I peer around at my surroundings; never being able to see my own hand in front of me. My eyes steadily trying to adjust to the night around me. A deep wheezing gasp escapes my lungs, but  becomes caught in my throat. Wailing and sobbing at my own expense, the anguish was like sharp knives going through my heart, piercing and alive, but I had no heart anymore it was long gone. The shadow had taken it and I was stuck in hell or what I thought it to be. I touch my chest where my cynosure had been; void, cold, and hollow. I pull legs closer to me, weeping, groveling; longing for amicable ardor. I miss it. I missed being human, I missed my mother, my friends, my....It all happened so fast, but I wanted, hadn't I? He was gone so swiftly. I didn't know if I should bawl or shout. Which one would he hear most? I wondered if I should just fly on my own...It's true I had become an imperfect angel. Angel in the sense, but without the heart to care, love, or save another human, except our own. Committed to much sin to fly in the heavens, but not enough to be welcomed into hell. We reel between the guidance of god and the torment of the devil. One wants us.....the other grieves for us. I touched my back looking for the true mark. They were there fluttering and moving with a mind of it's own. I moved them and the twinge shot through my upper torso.   My skin ripped as I tried to move them up and down, causing an inch of flight. I careened from side to side; rolling in my own flesh and blood. I squeeze my body, the same tears as before giving the worst kind of solace. I brush my cheek, wiping away blood. I stare at it the cells in disbelief. Where's the blood coming from? New questions and confusion arised.More tears fell from my eyes and blood continued to fall. What's happening to me? I move my back causing myself further pain. I didn't want this. i thought I had, but what a mistake. I just wanted to be normal.....I wanted family, I wanted friends, I wanted love, I wanted.....him. Oh god, why is everything about him?! I screamed, enraged at this disaster. I hugged myself rolling into a fedel position, imagining being inside my mother’s womb again. The warmth, the security, it was all gone. I cry. I don't know if I'm crying for myself or the things I've lost. S**t. I’ve accidently called his named amidst my defeat with depression. I know he's there before he lands. Imperfect angels are always intune with one another, especially if you love one. Sliding across the gravel he picks me up, flipping me on my back; tugging at my wings.

   "ahhhh!! stop it that hurts!!" yelling at him I kick and scream, wanting the agony to stop. "stop being a child. this is part of the change. It's evolution. Embrace it." He's so placid, cool, and collected, never faltering. Well that was a lie. "That's easy for you to say. you've been an imperfect angel for years."

  "so have you lil one, but your finally going through the transformation." Urgh, what bull. In the midst of our conversation, I had forgotten that he was tugging at my wings, when he slowly returns me to my feet.

  "Is that all you needed lil one?" he asks.

  "I'm not little or do you ot remember that I have grown and am now going through this so-called change."

  "Uh huh, you'll always be little in my eyes." ignoring my statement, never once listening to what I have to say. I walk forward, shifting the weight of my wings, trying to move them. More of my residue of flesh and dried up blood spill to the ground. I touch them again, this time there was no pain. They're black and stunning, just like his, only smaller. "The longer your an Imperfect angel, your wings grow and mature just like you." He said it before I knew who it was coming from.  "Why do you not want to love me anymore? I still love you" I whirl in his direction, befalled by how he knew what I was thinking. Imperfect angels could not read minds at least not to my knowledge. 

  "Why were you reading my thoughts? I never gave you permission."

  "I was curious and I knew you would not tell me."

  "So you can read my thoughts?"

  "Yes." S**t. It was not something I needed nor wanted to know. He was always watching me, did he have to be in my brain too?

  "You left me if I remember corrctly. So why should I love you?"

  "If you don't know the anwser to that...then you never will and I never left you, as you can see I'm here now."

  "True." Damn, I hated when he was right. I stand next to him as we look down into the abyss and I ask where we are.

  "We're in the Imperfects hideout, also known as our home. The perfect mixture between light and dark, it gives off the best glow. Get used to it by the way; you'll be spending alot of time here."

  "I'll be damned."

  "You already are."

  "Very funny." as I attempt a sarcastic laugh.

  "It's the truth."

  "So you say. I want a life."

  "You have one. This is it." I collapse to the floor, defeated by my own situation. I lie my head on the ground; it's cold and raw, the nightfall concealing who we are; demons of the night, living in obscurity. I perceive myself as a hideous monster and cringe. He counsels me, comprehending my distress; sometimes I forget just how alike we are. he knows me better than anyone and at times better than myself.

  "How long have we been together now, lil one?"

  "I don't know. it's hard to keep track. A few years, I know." He pets my head, running his fingers through my hair. In the past it was longer, but I had cut it. He hated the thought of it, but then again it was my hair, my decision. Basking in the diligence I'm receiving I stir causing my back to collide with the surface. I groan in pain, wanting him never to notice my fragile side.

 

"We should find you your cavern too sleep in. Your wings have not quite healed yet and if you keep going they never will." He stands up and he motions for me to follow him. I hesitate, wondering how this life will be. How I will turn out at my mature age? And so many more questions. He brushes my cheek and smiles.

  "Trust me." I take his hand, knowing I'll be ok or at least that's what I thought