One-sided Conversations with Grief

A man has grown old and has lived long enough, unwillingly after losing his son in war and his wife to agony. He speaks to Grief, blaming it for his suffering without a reply.

Yonder I look over through the sill,

Hapless and no world left built,

Weak and weary, withered and wilted,

Memory and sight play cruel and sinister tricks,

Passing by, each in a flash,

His voice swearing to come back,

Her touch still ringing chills down,

Give no pain to any other like me,

Take no more souls as you did from me,

O Grief, listen'd do Thee?

Not a moment we spared,
When the bugle was sounded,

Young and excited, still was our precious blood,

That shoddily was so costly shed,

His promise unfulfilled kept us awake,

For nights and for days countless,

In hope for a familiar voice.

Had not one tragedy enticed thee enough,

That one unguessable day she was gone too?

She could bear no more, I had seen.

O Grief! Why didst thou strike so pitiless?

Took away a part of it and then the whole soul.

Why keep me alive for time infinite?

To suffer? Having sacrificed them,

Like an offering to thee.

O! How I curse thee when Death doth not arrive,

Destructure me to ash upon a mantle as did they,

Construe memory and sight to halt.

Yet, yonder I look over through the sill,

Hapless and no world left built,

Struggling, struggling to fix this ill.

Author's Note

Glossary:
wilted- Refers to drooping down to ills after being heavily drunk.

shoddily- The son's costly blood was so carelessly spent as it was poor wasted junk of a motor-vehicle.

--
Please do review after reading.
Criticisms welcome.
Thank you for reading and welcoming me to your wonderful community..

Reviews

[Isabel25]

'Touching' would be too cliched an adjective for this poem, but it is really touching. Not to mention that you have excellent vocabulary (I had to use my dictionary at some places). I don't have any constructive criticism to give you-I don't think I am up to that yet. For now, I would prefer to just read your works and say what I felt about them.

[Stonz P.]

O_O
Well, I do not know how exactly to respond.. All I know is that I am sure I need any criticism one can spare for me.

I hope I can manage such a reaction with other pieces as well..Thank you so much for your kind review :)

[Mayank]

So this is the piece which is coincidentally similar, loved reading every line and its much better than my piece. Maybe, some grammar skills would have made my piece good read.
Anyways, cheers man :)

[Stonz P.]

Haha. Glad you liked the piece.
Cheers.

[Radhika]

The end left me silent for a minute. I really liked this one.
There's so much to learn from other writers and poets, it's unbelievable really.
Keep writing :)

[Shaylynn H.]

This sort of thing is something that only a person who likes English will be drawn to - I don't think this is the sort of poem the general public would flock too and that's okay. It's well written and the vocabulary is spectacular. As I said though, your audience is not going to be very wide based on how articulate this piece of work is. Most people who write poem's of this sort seem to be trying to emulate the great's which usually falls flat because they're try hard's. This however was not the case with your poem as it is nicely written and it feels as though you have your own hold on the situation and your own voice. The only concern I have is that the flow of it for its complexities leaves one lost at times, but it isn't something that would be considered a deal breaker - I can't see many enjoying this, just as not many enjoy the classics.

[Stonz P.]

Shaylynn H-
I am very thankful for your review.
I mainly like to write in a free verse and as often as possible.
But I get where you are getting at.
Thank you.

[Shaylynn H.]

You're very welcome for the review.
Best of luck,
-S