One-sided Conversations with Grief

A man has grown old and has lived long enough, unwillingly after losing his son in war and his wife to agony. He speaks to Grief, blaming it for his suffering without a reply.

Yonder I look over through the sill,

Hapless and no world left built,

Weak and weary, withered and wilted,

Memory and sight play cruel and sinister tricks,

Passing by, each in a flash,

His voice swearing to come back,

Her touch still ringing chills down,

Give no pain to any other like me,

Take no more souls as you did from me,

O Grief, listen'd do Thee?

Not a moment we spared,
When the bugle was sounded,

Young and excited, still was our precious blood,

That shoddily was so costly shed,

His promise unfulfilled kept us awake,

For nights and for days countless,

In hope for a familiar voice.

Had not one tragedy enticed thee enough,

That one unguessable day she was gone too?

She could bear no more, I had seen.

O Grief! Why didst thou strike so pitiless?

Took away a part of it and then the whole soul.

Why keep me alive for time infinite?

To suffer? Having sacrificed them,

Like an offering to thee.

O! How I curse thee when Death doth not arrive,

Destructure me to ash upon a mantle as did they,

Construe memory and sight to halt.

Yet, yonder I look over through the sill,

Hapless and no world left built,

Struggling, struggling to fix this ill.

Author's Note

Glossary:
wilted- Refers to drooping down to ills after being heavily drunk.

shoddily- The son's costly blood was so carelessly spent as it was poor wasted junk of a motor-vehicle.

--
Please do review after reading.
Criticisms welcome.
Thank you for reading and welcoming me to your wonderful community..

Reviews

[Isabel25]

'Touching' would be too cliched an adjective for this poem, but it is really touching. Not to mention that you have excellent vocabulary (I had to use my dictionary at some places). I don't have any constructive criticism to give you-I don't think I am up to that yet. For now, I would prefer to just read your works and say what I felt about them.

[Stonz P.]

O_O
Well, I do not know how exactly to respond.. All I know is that I am sure I need any criticism one can spare for me.

I hope I can manage such a reaction with other pieces as well..Thank you so much for your kind review :)

[Anahat]

Beautiful and Intense!! loved it :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

to lose this much? much to painful to bear...and you impart this feeling of grief to your reader so well with your masterful wording here.
jacob

[Stonz P.]

Thank you so much for the review, Sir. Glad you like it.

[Confuser]

I think the "conversation" with grief is very good. Not something I'm used to hearing from you, but I did like it very much. An angry and sad tone prevailed - and it is a conversation is really a dialougue with the silence being grief. It is well written and the emotion is very strong. It is very believeable (honest) and if the man really wishes to die as well; it is identifiable or relatable for everyone could get angry in this situation. Very sad and thoughts are flowing. I will think about this one. Very well written. Thank you. M. Dale

[Stonz P.]

This was like the first poem I ever wrote. The one that started it all.
Thank you so much for your comment... really appreciate it :)

[Confuser]

Your are welcome. You are without a doubt a great writer: Bright future awaits.

[Stonz P.]

Thank you and I hope your words turn out true :)

[Confuser]

You are so very welcome; I will try to do my best. I know you will!

[Anuradha Verma]

Goodness, this is brilliant. Rarely do I come across such masterful writing. Makes me happy. :) And if it's your first poem then: bravo!

I like the old school feel of the poem, it reminds me of Prufrock somehow. Oh, if you haven't, read "The love song of J. Alfred Prufrock". I think it'll appeal to you seeing your style of writing. :)

[Stonz P.]

I have not read it but I had one of Eliot's poem in Grade X... Don't remember which, maybe it was just a part from The Waste Land. Anyways, I will definitely read this one; I've heard of it though, but I am lazy when it comes to reading on the internet or pdfs.. books and their papercuts anyday..
I'm glad you were happy to read the first poem I ever wrote.. Thank you so much, it means a lot to me, Anuradha :)

[SEO]

What's interesting about this piece and a lot of your other work is that you allow the poem to tell a story. I think often people forget that all writing is a mode of storytelling and poetry is not exempt from this. But so often we just assume that in poetry the "I" has to be the author's own feelings, thoughts, actions, etc. We forget that the speaker or narrator of a poem can be a character envisioned just as in a longer piece of fiction. This is really well written and well thought out.

[Stonz P.]

Well, I prefer to write in a way that the pieces have their own lives. I do not meddle in it and it does not meddle with me. I rarely write about me. I can create characters so why not about them.

This is the first poem I wrote and which showed me that even I can write it. Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful review.

[Cindy Marietta]

This is absolutely amazing. Love your choice of words that lets the reader take their own meaning, and the old style. Fantastic work!

[Stonz P.]

Hi there
I am very glad you appreciate the piece.. Thanks for reviewing :)

[Awakened Rose]

Wow. This left me speechless. I love your style, you are truly brilliant!

"O Grief! Why didst thou strike so pitiless?
Took away a part of it and then the whole soul.
Why keep me alive for time infinite?
To suffer? Having sacrificed them,
Like an offering to thee."

So amazing. I feel like not many people can write like this, and write like this well, but you surpass that! Thank you for sharing :)

[Stonz P.]

I am thrilled to have such a good review coming from a poetess who writes well herself.
This was the first serious poetry piece I had written.

Thank you so much for reviewing... :-)

[Vidya Bacchus]

This makes one wonder indeed what would that be like.You can feel the man in the deepness of his grief.Well penned Stonz.

[Stonz P.]

Glad you could relate to it, Ma'am.
Thank you so much.

[Vidya Bacchus]

You are welcome :)

[AprilRN1210]

makes you wonder what a two-sided conversation with grief would sound like.... I found myself getting lost in the flow and words--which made me have to read it a few times to let it really soak in... which I love... some of the phrasing is brilliant and it is very moving... I could feel the longing, the despair, the ache, the frustration, the resignation.... not really sure about the ending though... I dunno... on the fence with that one.. the rest of the poem is so strong... just left me hanging, without an answer, without resolution, sad.... sad..... grrrrr. I guess I am a sucker for a happy ending... a reunion of souls... something... :P
You are a very talented writer, thank you for sharing this one with me...

[Stonz P.]

Well, in truth, this is the first ever serious poetry I ever did and it came to me just out of the blue and why I never stopped writing.
Also, probably why you will see grammar present here :P
As for the ending, a positive ending may have sprung forth a message of hope, it may be better but back then I just wanted a tragic piece, don't really remember my state of mind then but hey, maybe someday I could write a more hopeful one in a two-sided conversation with grief titled 'A Balanced Conversation with Grief'; who knows... thanks for the idea.. but I had written a dialogue with a hopeful ending last year. I have started to rework on it. Will show it to you once it is done. You always make me feel better about my writing..so glad that even my first work is able to generate such emotions in you..

Thank you so much... *takes a bow*

[AprilRN1210]

haha, I did notice the grammar... :P
can't wait to see..