Breathe

I just have to breathe.

Breathe.

In.

Then out.

In the nose.

Out the mouth.

This is my party.

Why aren't I having fun?

My eighteenth birthday.

Yet here I am, legs in the pool.

My friends are having more fun than me.

They seem to enjoy the decorations.

The atmosphere.

The pool.

Everyone loves my parents.

My siblings.

My stupid house.

I hate it all.

The pool is so blue.

No one knows me.

Not really.

It's not really their fault.

But still.

The pool looks so peaceful.

I have too much chaos in my life.

My friends talk behind my back, I know they do.

None of them are my real friends.

None of them are real.

The pool's bottom looks so serene.

My legs are half submerged, and it feels so good.

Why not take a quick dive?

The noise of everyone will die down.

That sounds like peace.

The water feels great on my skin.

My hair goes in last.

I was right.

The bottom feels and sounds amazing.

There's this pressure in my head.

My eardrums feel weird.

But all I hear are muffled sounds.

My lungs are pumping a little harder every second.

I need air.

But as I look around me, I really don't want to leave.

Why go back?

What's the purpose?

I'm just going to feel miserable.

Everything is going to suck.

Now I'm freaking out.

I really need to breathe.

What did my therapist say?

In through the nose.

Out through the mouth.

I cough a little, but it doesn't hurt after a few more intakes.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

In.

Out.

Miraculously, the noise disappears.

It's gone.

They're all gone.

She was gone.