What Happens Now?

 

I struggle daily

trying to find my true self

Looking for the love that I want

yet I feel stymied at every pass

Every effort to share my thoughts, 

my feelings

--though rough, raw and sometimes uncultured--

have been unsuccessful  

  

Communication with you

has been much harder than I thought possible

but now I understand the reason.

It came to me as an epiphany!

It is unnecessary for me to continue

to hit my head against the wall

as nothing I can do can change a thing!

 

I reach for the proper words

and search for a better term

as I write,

attempting to phrase and rephrase my feelings

and it has become abundantly clear to me that 

you really, truly do not believe that you have

done anything wrong.

 

You cannot understand what I say 

because you cannot understand 

how I view you.  

I can struggle with the correct terminology

for nothing! 

As nothing I can do or say will cause you to 

understand how your actions have caused me pain

and anguish.  

 

You are unable to feel my pain, as you are unable 

to truly see yourself as others see you.  

It is Narcissism that has run amuck

I cannot blame you, 

as you are as disabled as truly as if you could not

physically see, hear or think clearly.  

 

So what happens now?

I love you as much as I have ever loved a person

but my soul hurts!

I am crushed because I know that I will never feel

what it is to feel an emotional connection

with you other than what can be found

at the surface level. 

Our relationship 

will never have depth

Our love

will be like the poplar

--fast growing, and tall--

but after a while

it will loose branches and break

or be knocked down by the wind

only to have suckers remain

as the heart of the tree dies.  

 

I do not want this 

I do not want the relationship to end 

either

What do I do?

Where do I go?

Is there love for me?

I wish

our love was more like the oak.

Reviews

[Eagle Cruagh]

Plant some acorns, nurture them. If you
get a scrawny tree, plant some more acorns.
That sounds hard, perhaps cruel, but you have
to start thinking about you.

You are an excellent writer. This is poetry of
the finest, it is writing from your feelings, from
the heart and that is the writing that counts.

Thank you for the beautiful poem.

----- Eagle Cruagh