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Birthdays - we all want our friends to show up and wish us a Happy Birthday right ? But, CRZ, you're not alone.
I remember being 14 and putting together what I thought was going to be the Bestest Birthday Party Evah, with Birthday Cards I hand-made myself on a computer with the LPRINT statement. Robots, text made with the asterisk, it was awesome, I thought I would blow them all away
And ... it was just me. No-one else showed up. I had cake, ice-cream, music, and it was at Silver Wheel, a skating rink, my favorite place to go.
And no-one showed up, MAN did I cry. I cried and cried and - well, it's not good.
I love the ending you did:
"The new you, I abhor.
The old you, I adore."
And yes, if life wasn't only so simple. There are many MANY times I wish I could turn back the clock, to finally talk to that girl back in 3rd grade who held my hand - and - not just have her smile down at me cause she knew I was too shy to say anything and definitely too shy to give her a kiss.
I would say something today ! I know I would - and - those days are gone ...
Very well written, and definitely on a subject you, me, and many others know about - time, love, and tenderness. And Michael Bolton sang it well.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=INWkEXKM-CM
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
Thank you very much, thanks for sharing your story. We'll all make it :)
This one isn't up to your usual standard but has some great moments..in my humble opinion...I think it should read weren't instead of wasn't on the 2nd line....Maybe you should go back and have a second look at it all, I know myself that it can be hard to do this but this poem might be worth the effort
"You're mouth like a banana peel on which you let my secrets slip" this is how I would have written it, but that is just a suggestion. The comparison is great though and works well with the injured voice of your poem. I think you could clean this one up a bit with regards to grammar though, "I seen" to "I've seen" "there's a other" to "there is another". Some good stuff in this one though Jason.