Grief

The man is just killing time on that table

He is not able, to accept the reality 

Of his decisions that turned fatal 

So he's thinking of his existence quite radically

The heart was once red, full of vigor 

But the mind is a killer, it's called over thinking

So in attempt to ease the tensions, there goes

another bottle of liquor

Because you aren't you when you're hungry

but he's empty inside his soul, he needs honey

but not a lot of sugar like a snicker 

Grief is the greatest thief

of our tranquility within

But if you freeze and breathe

and let the breeze relieve all the

grieve

It will decrease and will release

... the man within

Reviews

[mags]

I had to read this poem several times over. A truly great write, extremely well written and completely unique. Very good. Mags

[Will]

Grief affects each of us differently. This is a unique window into one man's grief, well portrayed by the speaker. Well done.

[ThoughtsofShyann]

This was really good great job at first I was confused but I read it a second time and I got it great job!

[Ees]

Interesting take on grief. While it probably does rob some people in that way, I think it robs people in different ways. Is there always a man within? is there sometimes not? These are just the questions that I was asking myself as I read this poem. I think that you did a great job, just thought I would share what when through my brain as reading this.

I think that on the one word line where you have: "grieve"- I would prefer "grief" but I may have missed something that you were trying to do with that, but it almost read as a typo to me.

Anyway great job, thought-provoking, well-written poem.

[Frieda P]

I concur...you've wrapped your pen around it nicely.

"Grief is the greatest thief
of our tranquility within"

[SpeedyHobbit Armstrong]

Wow, I could feel this poem wringing at my heart! I sensed an allusion to the destructive effects wrought by depression. I am also gaining the impression that the speaker suffered from alcoholism because of the second stanza. He used alcohol as a means of attempting to flee his feelings and it ended up making him more miserable than ever. In other words, he is yet another person falling victim to the self-destructive temptations induced by depression. So sad ]=

[Rosaria_V]

Always great to read your work!! Loved it as per usual

[kublakhan27]

Amazing work and incredible attention to detail...I could just feel the angst running through this piece...an excellent and heart-wrenching piece of writing.

[carol burgess romance]

The mind can be a killer if you allow .....depression is the killer.....great write

[Pryde Foltz]

Loved the wordplay and deep thinking on this one Jason. You conveyed your grief in a way the reader could relate and the similes and metaphors were great.